


The Other Shepard

by Amariahellcat



Series: Willow Shepard [1]
Category: Mass Effect Trilogy
Genre: Adopted Children, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst with a Happy Ending, Biotic Shepard, Bittersweet Ending, Character Death, Eventual Relationships, Eventual Romance, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, Focus is on Willow, Interspecies Relationship(s), Mass Effect 2, Mordin being Mordin, Reunions, Shepard Cousins, Slow Build, Terminal Illnesses, The Shore, Vanguard (Mass Effect), Weddings, background shakarian
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-14
Updated: 2017-12-21
Packaged: 2019-02-02 03:23:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 16
Words: 64,065
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12718644
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Amariahellcat/pseuds/Amariahellcat
Summary: Willow Shepard is the younger cousin.An N7 like the Commander, a Vanguard with powerful biotics, a hard worker and survivor of Mindoir......and a woman with a terminal illness.Diagnosed during her cousins hunt for Saren, Willow’s determined not to let it hold her back, to live her life to the fullest in the time she has left.Then Arisa dies, and her world falls apart.Until Cerberus approaches her two years later with an offer: Commander Shepard is alive, and she needs a Crew.





	1. Willow

**Author's Note:**

> ...idk anymore guys. I totally didn't need another WIP fic but, well, here we are! Though I'm doing fairly well with the others??
> 
> This fic is very very AU. It focuses almost entirely on Willow's POV, and will eventually have her paired with Thane - you get background shakarian because I'm trash but.
> 
> Willow has quickly become a very solid character in my head and I couldn't not write about her. So I hope you guys enjoy this!
> 
> NOTE: THIS DOES NOT GO WITH ANY OF MY OTHER SERIES! While yes, it features my Arisa Shepard that I use for everything, it is not in any way connected to my other fics. :D
> 
> That said, enjoy! ♥ Rating will def go up in future chapters heads up.

People’s lives begin in different ways.

Some people find their meanings as children. Others, in school, or work. Some in marriage, some in children.

Willow Shepard’s life began when she was diagnosed.

Not when her parents were killed on Mindoir, or when she went to live with her cousin Arisa. Not when she joined the Alliance and Arisa became a Commander. Not until she knew she was dying.

AEND - a rare, terminal, neurodegenerative disorder with no known cure. So rare, in fact, that she was only the second person to be diagnosed with it.

_You’re a Shepard, of **course**  you’d get a strange disease._

The Alliance didn’t like the idea of having a terminally ill N7 in their ranks - she was medically discharged almost right after Arisa was made a Spectre, spending her time trying to keep in contact and updated on her cousin’s hunt for Saren.

Willow found she could hide the symptoms, so long as she kept enough biotic energy stored to mask them. She could still exercise and go out and have fun - though she prefered to use her time to try and help Arisa however she could, even if it was as simple as sending regular updates to take the Commander’s mind off of things.

She stopped having flings and concentrated on keeping herself healthy for as long as possible, practicing till she knew just how far she could go with her biotics - collapsing once or twice while she fought to figure it out.

Then Arisa won, and the after party was something Willow wouldn’t have missed for anything.

She got to meet her cousins crew, the friends she’d made who’d helped her defeat Saren, and partied the night away with them, welcomed easily into the group.

Telling Arisa about her diagnosis came after the party - she hadn’t wanted to distract her during her journeys, nor had she wanted to put a damper on the celebration - and Arisa reacted as she’d known she would.

Concerned. Supportive. Angry.

And proactive as ever; turned out Arisa’s best friend on the ship, a turian named Garrus Vakarian, was former C-Sec - and he was able to get her a position.

Willow had purpose again - a job she did  _damn_  well, close ties with Arisa and her friends, a small apartment on the Citadel to call her own.

Despite the fact that she was dying - that she had maybe ten years, depending on how quickly her illness progressed - she felt like herself again. An N7 at heart, ready for whatever life might throw at her.

And then Arisa died.

* * *

 

 Garrus hasn’t been the same since they’d gotten the news about the Normandy. Hell, Willow hasn’t, either, but the turian just seems…  _off_.

In a way that makes her think her suspicions about his feelings for Arisa were  _right_. That they’d been something more than friends - or that they had wanted to be, at least.

Aunt Hannah comes to the Citadel for the funeral service, and together they mourn - bent and crying over an empty casket, a small holo of Arisa’s grinning face hovering above it with her name emblazoned below it.

The Normandy Crew is there as well, and even as Willow wants to be angry with them -  _you should have saved her! How could you let her die?!_  - the despair on every one of their faces calms her, and she keeps her mouth shut.

Joker looks especially distraught, and when he catches her eye he shakes his head and looks away, hesitating, before shuffling over.

_‘It’s my fault,’_  he says, shame faced,  _‘If I hadn’t been so stubborn…’_

Willow only hugs him - carefully, not squeezing to tightly - and relaxes when he in turn hugs her back, forgiving without words.

Liara she  _does_  squeeze tightly, because the asari looks like she’s going to have a break down. They aren’t super close, but it’s clear the other woman needs a lifeline right now, and the way she clings to Willow and sobs into her shoulder says everything.

In the end, it’s just she and Garrus left, staring silently at the empty casket, standing side by side but not touching. Turians aren’t big on physical contact in public, she knows, even from family members; the fact that he’s comfortable with her standing semi-close is enough.

There’s a look in his eyes she can’t read, a quirk to his expression that heightens her own despair, and his hands are clenched into fists, mandibles wavering every few seconds.

So she says the only thing she can think of. “Wanna grab a coffee?”

Garrus just nods, silently following her lead to a small cafe down on Zakera Ward, dead at this time in the evening cycle, safe for both Levo and Dextro races.

And then they spend the night telling stories - about Arisa’s childhood, about the first time Garrus had met her, about the time’s Shepard would come hangout in the cargo bay, talking while he worked on the Mako, about the messages Willow and Arisa had exchanged during the later months of tracking.

Willow confirms her illness, when he asks - he’d noticed Arisa upset about something after the party - and Garrus apologizes for prying.

“Don’t worry about it. I don’t mind friends knowing, and I’m not ashamed of it. I’m not about to run around screaming ‘I’ve got a terminal illness!!!’, but it doesn’t bother me that you know.”

Garrus quirks his mandibles, sipping his coffee, “Alright, then.”

Things seem okay for a while, then. Arisa’s absence is still a gaping hole, and the utter dismissal of everything that her cousin had found by the Alliance and the Council infuriates Willow.

There’s nothing she can do about it, so she does her job, keeps her mouth shut, and focuses on keeping herself in top shape.

Garrus is just as angry about the dismissal as she is -  _more_  than she is, if Willow’s honest. He’s snappier then before, more quick to judge, and the only times she see’s a sign of the old Garrus is when she manages to drag him out for coffee on occasion.

Their conversations always turn back to Arisa, and she’s more certain than ever that Garrus was - and still  _is_  - in love with the elder Shepard. And if remembering and talking about her over coffee helps keep him sane - helps keep both of them sane - then she has no problems letting the turian reminisce.

And then, 3 months after Arisa’s death, Garrus doesn’t show up for work.

Willow shoots him a message and tries not to worry, burying herself in her work and frowning when, hours later, there’s no response.

Two days pass the same way, and then Bailey catches her on her way out; Garrus had sent in a resignation letter.

No reason, no details, just a notice that he was quitting.

And considering she  _still_  isn’t getting any answers to her messages, Willow decides to try someone else.

She and Liara still aren’t all that close, but they’d kept in touch, and the asari’s slowly been making herself a name as an Information Broker on Illium.

Liara’s happy to hear from her, but she doesn’t know where Garrus has gone. Willow doesn’t have to mention the gossip mill C-Sec has become since the turian’s disappearance; Liara already knows.

Rumors that he’d been killed by the same enemies who’d killed Commander Shepard, because why else would one of her trusted squadmates disappear?

_‘He’s alive.’_  Willow insists, because she can’t handle anything else being true,  _‘Can you keep an ear open for me?’_

_‘Of course. I’ll let you know the second I hear anything.’_

That settles her somewhat, and Willow goes back to work - doing the occasional run for Liara on the Citadel as well as her work in C-Sec, okayed by Bailey to do both so long as she wasn’t hacking anything critical.

There’s a span of maybe a month where Liara seems to disappear herself, and then she’s responding to messages as though nothing happened, so Willow doesn’t pry.

Two months after that, the asari passes on a rumor; a turian vigilante going by  _Archangel_  causing trouble for the local gangs of Omega. As much as Willow wants to check out the lead, Omega’s far away from the Citadel - and she’s not stupid enough to go there alone.

So she tucks that rumor away, never quite forgetting about it, going to work and keeping herself busy, listening for rumors of Reapers, or turians, or anything at all.

Time, as it always does, passes.

And then Joker calls.

* * *

 

It’s been two years on the dot since Arisa died when Willow’s omnitool signals an incoming vid-call, making her freeze just steps into her apartment.

Willow lifts her arm and blinks at the number, confused.  _Joker? Why would he…?_

She hasn’t seen the pilot since… actually, since the service for Arisa, she realizes, walking further into her apartment and flopping onto her couch before answering the call.

_“Willow!”_  Joker’s grinning wider than she thinks she’s ever seen, and he seems ridiculously elated,  _“So good to see you! How’ve you been?”_

“Hanging in there. How’re things with you?”

_“Oh, you know, been grounded this whole time, but I’m alive. But! I have… very hard to believe but amazing news!”_

Willow’s eyebrows lift, “Oh?”

_“Are you sitting down? You should totally be sitting down for this. I didn’t believe it at first, either, but then I **saw**  footage of her, and it’s real! I mean, how  **could**  it be, but it is!”_

“Joker,  _breathe_.”

_“Right, right, sorry, just excited. Okay, are you ready?”_  he pauses, grinning, then blurts  _“Shepard’s **alive**!”_

Willow goes very still, all traces of amusement gone. “That’s not funny, Joker.”

_“It’s not supposed to be! It’s true! Cerberus brought her back!”_

“Cerberus?”

_“Yeah! Okay, look, so this is how it was explained to me-”_

Willow’s doing her best to listen to the explanation Joker gives, but she can hardly hear him over her heart pounding. She catches things like  _body retrieved_  and  _cybernetics_  and  _rebuilt over two years_ , staring in shock at her omni.

_Arisa’s alive? She’s back?_  It’s impossible. There’s no way it’s true. And yet they have Joker convinced, or he wouldn’t be so excited.

_And Garrus is still missing. Fucking hell, this is…_

Absently, she realizes Joker’s still talking, and zones back in.

_“...and then they gave me their roster list for the new Normandy, and of course everyone from the SR1 was down as a potential crewmate, but they’d missed **you**! And I was like, come on guys, you missed the most obvious freaking person. Who made this list? Cause they suck. And they looked over your file and said I could call you! You gotta join, Willow!”_

“Slow down.” Willow cards her fingers through her hair, feeling a headache setting in despite her careful monitoring of her biotics, “Why would Cerberus bring Arisa back? Why are they assembling a  _crew_? And, wait, did you say  _new Normandy_?”

_“Yeah! They rebuilt her, bigger and better than ever! Looks like human colonies have been going dark in the Terminus systems, and they want Shepard back to look into them - might be connected to the Reapers. She isn’t awake yet, but they said she should be fully healed and ready to go soon!”_

Willow rolls her shoulders, bites her lip, and considers what he’s saying.  _Could it be true?_

It could be a clone. Or a super advanced Shepard VI. Or any number of other things that made more logical sense then  _Arisa being back from the dead._

But if it was true…

If it was true, Willow would be a proper part of her team, this time. She’d be able to fight beside her. And if not, who better to put down an impostor than a Shepard? Cerberus could kill her for it if they liked; she only had eight years left, anyways.

“Alright, Joker. I’m in… for now. I want to talk to…  _Arisa_ , before I make a final decision. Where do I go?”

_“There’ll be a transport waiting for you at the Citadel Docks in a few days; I’ll send a message when it’s scheduled to let you know what to look for. This is gonna be great, Willow! Just you wait!”_

Willow only nods, ending the call with a quick goodbye and then leaning back against the couch, staring at her ceiling fan with a sort of dazed hope squeezing her chest.

_Just a few days. Guess we’ll see then._

* * *

 

 A few days turns into a week, and then Joker messages that her transport will be at the Citadel in two days, and to watch for a white shuttle with a black and yellow insignia.

So Willow packs, and it’s strange, now, to pull her N7 armor out of it’s air-tight storage, realizing she’ll need to wear her main set if she wants to have room to pack anything else.

It’s an almost heady feeling as she strolls through the corridors of the Citadel in full armor, drawing looks and whispers as she goes. She’s nearly forgotten that feeling - the awed look one gets when wearing the N7 mark on their breast, at least from fellow humans - and it makes her lift her chin, lengthen her strides, and do her best to look as badass as she feels.

The pack on one shoulder and pistol strapped to her thigh only help make her look intimidating - though she hopes Cerberus intends to arm its employees, as she’s not going into battle with anything less then at least one SMG and one assault rifle.

She finds the shuttle easily enough and climbs inside once the drivers confirmed her identity via scan, staring out the window with her arms crossed as they drive.

It takes about a day to get to the Cerberus Facility she’s to stay at, and Joker meets her at the doors, still grinning widely.

She spends two days stalking the halls, talking to Joker, and generally just glaring at any Cerberus people who come near her. There’s whispers of  _‘it worked!’_  and  _‘she’s just as amazing as she used to be, did you see the recording?’_  flitting around, and all she can do is wait.

Then she and Joker are summoned; Arisa’s back from whatever mission they sent her on, and it’s time to get the Normandy crewed and ready.

Willow stands with her arms crossed outside the door of the meeting room, glaring holes in the metal, wishing she could see the woman beyond them. Needing to _know_.

She nearly jumps out of her skin when the doors finally open, Joker grinning and taking the lead as the orange glow inside dies down and real light floods in.

Willow’s eyes are immediately glued to the single figure; built the same way her cousin had been, hair the same curly fire red but  _short_ , to short, wearing N7 armor near identical to her own.

Then she turns, and it’s the face that does it - the green eyes narrowing and then going wide at the sight of them, full lips pulling in a familiar grin, eyebrows quirked  _just so_  -

And Willow has to force herself to square her shoulders, march up to the ghost, and jab her finger at the redheads chest.

“Where did I get this scar?” she demands, pointing at the small line running through her left eyebrow.

Arisa - or whoever she is - seems to catch on immediately, responding “When you decided to use charge to try and climb a tree - but ran face-first into a branch.”

Joker snickers in the background, but Willow only presses on.

“When did my parents die?”

“Mindoir, Batarian Slaver Raid.”

“What am I allergic to?”

“Fragrant flowers and cloves.”

“What food do I hate?”

“Anything bitter, you prefer sweet.”

“What colour did I dye my hair right before entering the Alliance?”

“Bright  _purple_. It didn’t come out entirely for years.”

“What illness was I diagnosed with right before you died?” the words come out as a whisper, a sob underlying them, and Arisa’s expression softens.

“AEND. There’s no cure. They said you had ten years, before I…” Arisa hesitates, clears her throat, “Gods, that means there’s only eight years now, doesn’t it?”

“ _Arisa_.” Cerberus and cameras and snoops be damned, her best friend is back; Arisa steps in to hug her just as Willow’s moving forwards, sobbing into her shoulder.

“It’s  _you_. It’s actually  _you_.”

“It’s me.” Arisa promises, voice soft and determined, “I’m not going anywhere, Willow. Not this time.”

_Not if I can help it._  Willow swears, and clings tighter.


	2. Building the Team

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Omega looms ahead, the true beginning of their battle. It’s time to recruit and build a team, to fight back.
> 
> A familiar face appears, a memory surfaces, and the Collector threat becomes all the more real.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heeeeeey have another chapter! Longer one to, woo! This runs all the way to Horizon because... I’m trying to keep this fic from being a monster, so I’m picking parts to focus on haha.
> 
> Big thanks to @lynngo-art for the idea for the cafe scene, and to @ariannadi and @kittenkakt for playing beta for me ♥ Enjoy, guys!

Omega looms ahead of them, and Willow can already feel her skin crawling.

She’s heard rumors of the place -  _everyone_  has - and while she hadn’t been able to check out the rumors for herself, before, now they’ll be going in with a squad.

There’s no way she’s letting Arisa go without her. Not after everything that’s happened.

* * *

 

 The time it takes to travel between the Cerberus station and Omega - not as much as either cousin would like, but it’ll do for now - is spent catching up, exploring the ship, designating certain roles.

She’s met Miranda and Jacob, and she doesn’t trust them - they have some proving to do before she’ll trust any Cerberus agents.

Arisa had also surprised her by making her her Second.

“Miranda, you’re XO, and I understand the need. But Willow is officially Second Squad Leader. She’s a capable fighter, and I’ve seen her lead squads safely through missions dozens of times; my decision is final.”

“Of course, Commander.” is all Miranda says, gaze cold and searching as she leaves.

“You sure about this, ‘Risa?” Willow crosses her arms, leaning back against the meeting table in a near perfect mirror image of the Commander, “I’m up to it, obviously, but won’t it cause issues with your  _employers?_ ”

“My  _employers_  can kiss my ass and suck it up, if they want me to do my job right.” Arisa smirks, shrugs, “I’m not to worried about it. As long as she has control over the ship and crew, Miranda’ll be fine. Jacob won’t care. And anyone else we recruit will be told from day one that  _you’re_  my Second, as far as missions go.”

Willow straightens up at that, smothering the emotions by settling into military rest - a habit she thinks she’ll never be rid of - and giving Arisa a firm nod, “I won’t let you down.”

“I know you won’t. And I’ll feel better having someone I can trust leading the second squad when I’m busy.” Arisa motions to the door, and together they walk through the armory, heading for the elevator, “So, now that’s settled… where did you plan on bunking down? Miranda’s claimed the only private room on the Crew deck, and I don’t know if you’d be comfortable in the bunks…”

“Any chance I can just crash on your couch for now?” Willow grins at the surprised look that earns, shrugging, “Doesn’t bother me - and any nights I can’t Mask properly, I’ll likely just sleep in the MedBay, anyways.”

Arisa is silent for a moment, and Willow stares at the floor, knowing what she’s thinking. It’s been two years for her, but only moments for Arisa - she’s still processing the short time remaining.

“If that’s what you want.” she finally says, slowly, reaching for Willows hand and squeezing, “Let me know if you need  _anything_ , alright?”

“I will.” Willow promises, and then they’re at the captain’s cabin, and she finds herself staring at the empty fish tanks, thinking, “So… Omega, huh?”

“Yeah. We technically have three dossiers there; Mordin Solus, Zaeed Massani, and Archangel.” Arisa sits on the edge of her bed, blowing out a breath, “Miranda wants to go after Mordin first.”

“We should get Archangel.”

The Commander pauses, lifting her brows, and Willow only hesitates a moment.

“You remember how I said Garrus disappeared, a couple months after you…? Well, a while after that, Liara passed on a rumor about  _Archangel_. He’d just shown up out of nowhere, a vigilante making life miserable for the local gangs… and he’s a turian. It just sounds to much like him to be a coincidence.”

That makes Arisa perk, just the tiniest bit, and Willow bites back a grin. “Okay, we’re going after him first, then. Should be at Omega in a few hours. Better get some rest.”

* * *

 

 So Willow stares at the Station until Arisa pages her over the intercom, patting Joker on the shoulder and heading for the armory.

The N7 armor still feels slightly strange, though it’s better then when she’d donned it on the Citadel, and having Arisa nearby in her own set - not the originals, of course, but a new set, to shiny, lacking all the scars from her old battles - relaxes her further.

She pops on her Sentry visor, and grins when Arisa reaches for the Archon set, happy to see she’s retained her hatred for full helmets.

_Unless that’s a result of being space in one…_

Willow quickly tells that train of thought to  _piss off_  and finishes suiting up, grabbing an SMG, pistol and assault rifle from the stash and shrugging at Arisa’s laugh.

“Least I don’t have a shotgun?” she jokes, earning an eyeroll and amused huff.

They head onto the station with Miranda and Jacob in tow, and are almost immediately accosted - Aria T’Loak, resident ruler of Omega, wants to see Shepard.

“On our way,” Arisa responds simply, ever the diplomat, and then they find their first recruit - Zaeed, a mercenary with a permanent scowl and a temper to match.

“I assume Cerberus told you about our deal?”

“Can’t say that they did.”

“Well, damn good thing I brought it up, then.”

Arisa agrees to help, Zaeed leaves to tie up a couple of loose ends, and they’re on their way to Afterlife.

Omega is definitely as seedy as the rumors say, but the club itself is well maintained, and it’s clear that Aria keeps a tight grip, presiding over the activities from a high balcony.

Going by the asari’s words, Archangel is definitely the dossier they need to do first; she has a bad feeling that if they wait, the mercs will have gotten to him already.

They meet the recruiters and head out - Willow stopping and breaking a kids gun on the way because  _how old are you? No way, get your money back. You’ll thank me later_  - and then taking the specified shuttle to Archangels hideout.

From there, they sabotage the mercs as much as they can; messing with the mechs, swiping medical supplies and information - including one very interesting datapad that Aria will  _definitely_  want to see - and ensuring the gunship won’t be at 100% by jamming a taser into the mechanics back.

Willow lifts a brow, and Arisa shrugs “Do  _you_  want a fully functional gunship chasing us down? No thanks.”

Picking off the freelancers and few mercs on the bridge is childsplay, but Willow jumps when two precise  _pops_  sound as she and Arisa’s shields go down, just briefly.

Archangel has already ducked back down behind the balcony wall, but there’s a  _look_  on Arisa’s face that Willow can read all too well, and it’s a wonder Miranda and Jacob can keep up, honestly, because both cousins are immediately  _running_.

Arisa clears the second floor first, Willow walking backwards the final few steps with her gun drawn, ready should any mercs try to sneak up behind them.

“Archangel?” she hears Arisa ask, turning as their squad mates catch up, just in time to see the turian leave his sniping post and pull off his helmet.

“ _Garrus_!” Arisa’s tone is  _ecstatic_ , arms flung wide in greeting, “What the hell are you  _doing_  here?”

“Shepard. I thought you were  _dead_.” there’s that wavering tone to his voice he’d always had when talking about Arisa, eyes darting briefly to her with a tired nod, “Willow, good to see you.”

Willow wants to hug him. Or possibly punch him. Maybe both.

Going by Arisa’s body language and tone, she’s more about the hugging.

“You okay?”

“Things’ve been rough. Spirits, it’s good to see you girls. I thought I…” Garrus cuts off, mandibles wavering, turning his gaze away, “Anyways, with  _you_  all here, maybe we can get  _off_  this damn rock. Give me a hand?”

“Like you need to ask.”

Willow takes a step back, lets the two interact, lets them just  _be_  for a minute while they talk strategy, observing. And she can still see it, clear as day, despite the two years; the way they move and gesture around each other, the little facial cues, the hints in their voices.

_Funny how you can read affection so easily between other people, but not in your own relationships._  She muses briefly, snapping back to attention when Arisa addresses them.

“It’s time to finish this.”

Eclipse comes first across the bridge, and with five of them attacking, they go down easily.

Then an alarm goes off - the basements been breached - and Arisa orders Miranda and Jacob to get downstairs and close the shutters, leaving she and Willow to help keep Garrus in one piece.

“Just like old times, eh Shepard?” Willow hears him crack at one point, earning a smirk and a laugh from the redhead.

Garm comes charging into the complex below them, but the combination of a skilled sniper and two powerful biotics keeps him from getting anywhere near the stairs before he’s downed, and some of Garrus’ old spark seems to return.

Until Tarak shows up in that damn gunship, and Garrus falls in a spray of blue blood that has them all shouting.

Willow’s not sure she’s ever seen Arisa  _rage_  before, nor does she hope to ever see it again; the gunship spirals away in a ball of grenade flame, the woman baring her teeth and looking ready to  _kill_.

Then her attention is immediately on Garrus, yelling into the comm for  _evac, now!_  and then trying to slow the blood flow, pressing desperately over the wound, Miranda and Jacob eyeing the perimeter while Willow looks on, feeling helpless.

_Gods don’t you dare let him die, not after everything Arisa’s already been through._

* * *

 

 They get to the Normandy, Garrus is rushed to the MedBay, and Arisa refuses to leave the Mess. Chakwas had forced her out of Medical -  _I need space to work, Commander, you can’t do anything for him. Be patient._  - so she sat at the table, cup of coffee forgotten before her, eyes glued to the MedBay doors - an almost vicious glare that makes any nearby crew members scurry away.

Miranda mumbles about needing to get the salarian doctor, but already knows better than to say anything while Arisa’s in such a state.

So Willow takes a breath and pats her cousin on the shoulder, saying “I’m taking Jacob and Zaeed to get Mordin.”

Arisa only nods, and that’s enough - Willow’s paging both men as she heads for the armory, and they meet her there.

Jacob - as Arisa predicted - doesn’t mind her being in charge, and she’d been introduced to Zaeed as Second Squad Leader, so neither does he.

They suit up, grab their guns, and go.

The path to Mordin is about as rough as Willow had expected,  _plus_  the added concern of the plague.  _Thank God we’re all human, means I don’t have to worry about that as much._

She quickly loses count of how many vorcha they kill, rescuing one set of frightened refugees and scaring off a pair of looters. Eventually, they make it to Mordin himself - and Willow is immediately impressed by his inability to stop  _talking_.

They’re done, she thinks… before the power suddenly goes off. And if she spends a moment cursing her head off, no one mentions it.

Willow takes a stupid amount of pleasure in mowing down the rest of the vorcha lurking in the Environmental Controls, only breathing a sigh of relief and relaxing once both fans are back on and Mordin’s sent them the  _all clear_.

He agrees to join then, leaving his assistant Daniel in charge of the clinic - but hesitates just before they leave, sweeping a scan over her before she can stop him.

Mordin blinks then - a slow blink of understanding, perhaps a smidge of surprise - and makes a  _hmm_  noise.

Willow narrows her eyes in a glare, and the salarian gives an almost imperceptible nod, going off on a tangent about needing to get to work on the Collector problem - allowing her to relax.

_Good. He won’t say anything._  The last thing she needs is a nosey salarian spilling her secrets.

They make it back to the Normandy and Willow’s Omni is immediately blinking at her; a message from Arisa saying  _Come to MedBay ASAP_.

Willow drops her guns and  _runs_ , not caring that she’s still in full armour, nearly punching the button for the Crew Deck once she’s in the elevator. Because that message could be read as good or bad, and she fears the worst.

She takes off the moment the doors open, ignoring the headache pounding behind her eyes as she lets the Mask slip in her panic, diving through the MedBay doors… and nearly collapsing in relief.

Arisa chuckles softly, and Garrus rubs the back of his head, uninjured mandible flaring in his own version of a grin.

“When we found you, I was ready to  _punch_  you,” Willow says, flashing a slightly hysterical grin, “The rocket beat me to it.”

There’s a moment of stunned silence, and Arisa looks like she’s angry-

Then a soft laugh comes from Garrus, followed by a louder one and then “ _Ow_ , Willow, don’t make me laugh, my face is barely holding together as it  _is_.”

That makes them  _all_  laugh, comfortable and safe, carefree in the familiarity of each other.

Only later does Willow realize they’d been  _holding hands_.

* * *

 

 Their next stop is the Citadel - they have another squadmate to pick up, and Anderson had wanted to see Arisa.

“It’ll be good to see him.” Arisa says, though there’s a tone of bitterness to her words, “And I know the Council wants to make sure it’s  _me_. Hopefully, they’ll uphold my Spectre status.”

The bitterness is directed at the Council, Willow knows, and she sets a hand on Arisa’s shoulder and grips gently. “Let’s go.”

They meet with Kasumi first - a master thief who uses a nearby advertisement pole to talk to them - and once she’s been instructed to meet back at the Normandy, they head into Zakera Ward proper.

Willow almost has to laugh when the alarm goes off and the poor C-Sec officer stares at his console in confusion, “Sorry about that ma’am, your profile is coming up as… er. Deceased.”

“Technically, I  _was_ ,” Arisa drawls, and Willow only shrugs when the turian gives her a pleading look.

“Just, uh, talk to Captain Bailey. He’ll get it sorted out.”

Willow leads the way in, managing to get out introductions before her old boss notices Garrus hanging back and lifts his brows.

“Vakarian, that you? Hell, we all thought you were dead.”

Arisa looks away, and Garrus coughs awkwardly, “Ah, yeah, sorry about that, Bailey. Had some… personal stuff to take care of. All done, now.”

“Well, good, and going by the fact that  _you’ve_  apparently come back from the dead, Commander, gonna say you need all the help you can get.” Bailey types something on his console, then nods, “There, all fixed. You’ve got more important things to do then piles of paperwork. And look after Garrus and Willow for me, Shepard. They were two of my best officers.”

Garrus coughs again, Willow looks away, and Arisa smirks. “You bet I will.”

Willow manages to say goodbye to Bailey before hesitating as they leave C-Sec, biting her lip. “Hey, Arisa, I’ll catch up with you guys after, okay?”

“Everything okay?”

“Just hankering for a  _good_  cup of coffee,” she says, shrugging, “Plus, I doubt the Council wants more people than necessary in the meeting. I’ll hang out at the cafe for a while.”

“Well, if you’re sure…”

Arisa looks so concerned that Willow laughs, managing a grin, “‘Risa, I lived on this station alone for two years. I can handle myself.”

That seems to settle her, and the redhead nods to Garrus and Miranda, leading them off to find transport.

Willow turns and heads for Zakera Cafe, sighing happily when the smell of coffee hits her the moment she steps inside the space.

She orders her drink - large coffee with 2 sugar, 2 milk - and looks for a seat once it’s ready, an easy task on what seems to be a fairly dead night.

Her gaze lands on the window seats and her mind drifts back to a night when it  _had_  been busy, just after Garrus’ disappearance on a night when she  _needed_  company, badly.

_“You look as though you have lost yourself.”_

Willow can remember his voice clear as day, and she heads for that same window seat, slipping onto the chair and resting the coffee on the bar, closing her eyes with a sigh.

It had been a long day, she remembers...

* * *

 

  _Arisa had been gone for three months, Garrus had disappeared almost a week ago, and Willow felt near ready to collapse._

_Work only helped so much - and on days like today, it only made the loneliness worse._

_Zakera Cafe was **packed**  - a new transport must have just arrived, because it was never this busy this time of night - and Willow cradled her coffee to her chest once it was done, turning to scour the room for a spare seat._

_She was moving the moment she spotted one - one of the bar-style window seats, second from the right - approaching the man next to it with an air of caution and politely inquiring “Excuse me, is this seat taken?”_

_The man - a drell, surprisingly, not a species often seen on the Citadel - chuckled quietly, gesturing with his hand, “Please, have a seat. The Cafe is busy, tonight.”_

_“It is. Thank you.” Willow slipped into the seat, rested her elbows on the bar, and flipped open the lid on her coffee._

_Then she stared at it, hands wrapped around it but not moving, lost momentarily in thoughts of Arisa, of Garrus, of everything._

_“You look as though you have lost yourself.”_

_The words - spoken quietly, but with the tiniest hint of concern laced in the dual-toned voice - had snapped her from her thoughts, jerking up and flushing at having been caught._

_“I…” she’d paused, managed to take a sip of her coffee, then tilted her head towards him, unsure._

_“Your soul is in turmoil.” he said, and she remembered that drell were highly spiritual, wondered how much he could read by looking at her, “Some find that talking helps.”_

_It’s an offer to listen, she’d realised. An offer to just let her talk. And somehow it doesn’t matter that he’s a complete stranger, because he’s not asking for details, really, and she **needs**  to just… vent._

_“I lost my cousin.” Willow had paused, swallowed another mouthful of coffee, continued, “Three months ago. And then a good friend disappeared, recently. And it hurts. I couldn’t help. Couldn’t stop it. Couldn’t do **anything**.”_

_She doesn’t mention the breakdowns, the days after they’d gotten the news… the nights she’d shouted at the ceiling, at whatever Gods might be listening. ‘Why would you take **her**?! It should have been me! Arisa had her whole life ahead of her! You should have taken me!’_

_The drell was silent for a moment, leaving her to wallow in the pain, sipping at her coffee._

_Then, as if he’d read her mind, “You think it would have been better, had you died instead. Your Soul is angry, because you find it unfair that your cousin died. You wish you could take their place.”_

_He’d paused, chuckling quietly at her startled face, “I know that pain. I too have lost a loved one and wondered why I was not taken instead. It seems unfair, that you should be left living, while they are gone.”_

_The drell had gone quiet, as though lost in his own world, and Willow had silently sipped her coffee, remembering something she’d read about the species having perfect memories - wondering if he was reliving some precious moment from years before._

_“I cannot promise the pain will ever truly go away,” he’d said suddenly, turned just enough to give her a small, honest grin, “But it will, I think, become more bearable for you. Do not lose yourself to the grief.”_

_She’d been startled by how comforting the words were, allowing a small smile of her own, “I won’t.”_

* * *

 

 The beeping of her omnitool draws Willow back to the present, firing off a quick response to Arisa’s  _We’re ready, meet back at the Normandy_  before slipping from the seat and heading out, coffee in hand.

She’d spent several hours in the cafe that night, speaking of little things with the drell; nothing else personal, just simple, mundane topics, things to keep her mind occupied.

They hadn’t exchanged names, and she’d never seen him again, though she’d kept an eye out. Funny how such a small, simple conversation with a stranger had kept her going, back then.

_A very interesting, good looking stranger. Ah well._

Now here she was; both Arisa and Garrus returned, alive and (mostly) well, and she hoped that wherever the drell was, he was doing alright.

_I’ll have to thank him, if I ever see him again. Not that that’s likely to happen._

* * *

 

 The Prison Ship Purgatory is a  _mess_ , and by the time they corner Jack and convince her to come with them, Willow’s about ready to climb the walls.

Or at least jump into a really,  _really_  hot shower; her skin still feels like it’s crawling hours after they’ve left.

Jack is a wild card and a loose cannon - but she doesn’t seem to care who’s leading missions as long as it isn’t Miranda, content to hang out in her hidey-hole on the lower decks.

Arisa and Willow both make efforts to connect, and both have differing outcomes.

Arisa probably comes off as a bit to ‘parental’ for Jack’s liking, at least at first, and the elder Shepard often looks frustrated after their talks.

Willow brings her black coffee in the morning and tells her to fuck off when she starts throwing insults, and Jack laughs and calms down, more at ease with the casual talk.

Arisa helps Zaeed track down an old enemy while Willow goes with Kasumi to a fancy party - one that requires a little black dress that she’s not surprised sent her cousin running.

“No  _wonder_  you chose Zaeed’s mission,” Willow grumps at her later, when they’ve both returned from the respective tasks and are chilling in the captain’s cabin, beers in hand.

Arisa only shrugs, hiding a smirk behind her beer.

They go after Doctor Okeer and end up returning with a perfect krogan in a tank, and Willow can’t believe she’s agreeing with Miranda that it might be better to leave the krogan asleep.

Arisa disappears for a while after that, and then shows up to dinner with the krogan following close behind her, smirking in that typical  _I did it my way suck it_  expression Arisa has as she heads for the fridge.

“This is Grunt,” the Commander introduces, being sure to tug Willow over before she can run away, “Grunt, this is Willow. She’s my Second. If I’m busy, and she takes you on a mission, you  _listen to her_. Understood?”

Grunt steps in  _far_  closer than Willow would like, peers at her for a moment, then gives a ‘heh’ and nods, “Two Shepards, huh? Good to know. Better be  _strong_.”

Willow only nods and bares her teeth right back, earning a howl of laughter from the krogan that apparently signifies acceptance.

Arisa receives a call from the Illusive Man immediately after dinner, and then they have a new destination; the colony on Horizon, where the Collectors are apparently headed next.

It’s Arisa and Garrus, she and Miranda, and Mordin assures them the augmentations to their armor  _should_  work, that it  _should_  negate the effects of the stinger swarms.

And Horizon… Horizon is a  _disaster_. They’re too late.

They plow through the Collectors still slinking about - dodging and rolling when something called  _Harbinger_  makes its appearance - and Willow officially  _hates husks_.

She discovers quickly that they’re weak in the legs, so she aims there when she charges, diving quickly out of range the moment they’re downed, letting the others handle the long range enemies.

They fight and they fight and they fight, and they  _still_  aren’t able to rescue the colonists from the ship before it takes off.

And to add insult to injury, Kaiden appears, and tears Arisa down, accusing her of betrayal, lying,  _treason_ , almost.

And Willow’s not sure whether it’s her fists clenched and glowing or Garrus’ angry growl that makes the other man tense, but Arisa turns a moment later and they’re leaving, getting the hell off of the now deserted colony.

Arisa disappears for a while once they’re back on the Normandy, and Willow takes a nap in the MedBay, letting Dr. Chakwas run several scans and tests while she sleeps.

When she wakes, the Doctor offers her a small smile, confirming what she’d already known: her illness is stagnant, not progressing or regressing, still there, still slowly killing her, but no faster than it had been before.

Willow just shrugs, nodding towards the Main Battery, “Has Arisa…?”

“She left the battery about ten minutes ago. She’s probably in her cabin, now.”

“Alright. Thanks, Doc.”

As the Doctor had thought, Arisa is in her cabin, laying on her bed with her arm over her eyes, frowning.

Willow just heads down the steps and plops down on the edge, hugging her cousin when she sits up. “You okay?”

“No.” Arisa sighs, returning the grip, “But I will be. Thanks.”

She pulls away and ruffles Willows hair after a few moments, making the younger laugh and swat at her hands.

“We’ve got more dossiers, more people to recruit. You up for it?”

“Always am.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kudos and comments make my day! Seriously I hope I did okay with this ;;


	3. Thane

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Illium. A glittering jewel of trade for Asari space - and the location of their next Dossiers. Arisa gives her a choice; the Assassin or the Justicar.
> 
> Willow had no idea she’d be hunting someone... familiar.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And here we go, the chapter everyone’s probably been wanting because yes, Thane reappears this time around!
> 
> ALSO @lynngo-art on tumblr drew me a comic combining both bits of the Chapter 2 flashback and this chapter and I'm just... so much love Lynn omg ♥ ♥ It's over here -> http://cousinslavellan.tumblr.com/post/167610638508/lynngo-art-a-little-comic-based-off-of
> 
> Anyways, enjoy! ♥

Despite the trauma of Horizon, there is no time to rest; now that they've met the enemy, there's more push than ever to take them out and stop their abductions.

Arisa receives a new batch of Dossiers and it's off to Illium, an Asari run planet that Garrus describes as a prettier version of Omega.

_'Just as much crime, but it's all legalized by paperwork and dressed up slicker then a rich man.'_

"We have two Dossiers here," Arisa's saying as they suit up, the redhead checking the grip on her pistol before strapping it in place, "Thane Krios, a drell assassin, and Samara, an asari Justicar. Reports show they've both been sighted on Illium, but we need more info to proceed."

"Any idea where to start?" Willow checks the clips on each of her weapons meticulously, then runs a quick configuration on her omni, allowing the blade to flicker to life for a moment before disappearing at a touch. It's been a while since she's gotten to use it in combat - she kind of misses the rush.

"Liara. She sent me a mail that she had some information for me, and I remember you mentioning she'd become a fairly well known information broker." Arisa finishes her prep and stretches, shoulder popping audibly, grimacing a little as she settles, "Alright. For now, it's us four. Let's go."

"Shepard," Miranda says, a tone of caution in her voice, "Afterwards, there's... something I need to discuss with you."

"Of course. We can talk once we're back on the ship."

The brunette seems to relax, nodding, and Willow wonders at the way the biotic carries herself, almost seeming...  _distracted_.

The XO had been slowly warming to her cousin, Willow knew; Arisa was good at that, getting to know her crew and making them comfortable, drawing them automatically to her side. Miranda had been just the  _tiniest_  bit more approachable lately, even to Willow, and the other squad members were similarly settling in.

Even if Jack still seemed to prefer her own method of coffee and shared insults. (Willow would never tell about catching Arisa down in the lower sections late one night, listening quietly while the biotic went off about something before calming down and accepting a steaming mug from the redhead. She didn't want to lose what little trust she'd been building.)

It's she, Arisa, Miranda and Garrus - because Arisa doesn't go  _anywhere_  without Garrus, Willow's noticed, filing it away for later teasing - and they swiftly make their way through the main street of Nos Astra, the city brightly lit and, honestly,  _gorgeous_.

But Willow also catches snippets of conversations, and agrees with Garrus; too many shady dealings going on, hidden beneath the pristine surface.

Liara is in the middle of a call when they reach her office, but the moment she's free she's near flinging herself at Shepard for a tight hug.

(Willow receives a much calmer version of the same, Garrus a bright smile and a nod, and Miranda merely a curious glance.)

The asari seems to physically reel herself back in, taking a seat at her desk and folding her hands primly, "Is there anything I can help with, Shepard?"

"There is. I'm here looking for two people," Arisa takes a seat opposite her, never the type to speak to people from above, "Thane Krios, and Samara. Heard of them?"

"I have, yes. They both arrived a few days ago, in fact," Liara begins typing on her keyboard, pulling up pages on her interface, "Thane Krios is here hunting a business woman, Nassana Dantius. He contacted an asari named Seryna, who works down in the cargo transfer levels."

Liara pauses, typing again, then continues "Samara registered with a Tracking Officer named Dara, upstairs near the transportation hub. She should be able to point you in the right direction."

"And you just...  _knew_  all that?" Willow whistles, crossing her arms.

Liara grins, "I'm a very  _good_  information broker, Willow." Then she hesitates, frowning. "Both of them are likely to leave world soon, Shepard; an assassin never stays in one place for long, and neither does a Justicar."

"Hmm, good point." Arisa leans back in her chair, flashing a grin over her shoulder, "Alright Willow, you're up. Which one do you want to go after?"

"You're letting me  _pick_?"

"I'm not going to send you on a mission you don't think you can handle. Assassin or Justicar; both could be tough to get to, and to convince, but we need to tag-team this, I think, or we'll miss one of them."

Willow rocks back on her heels, thinking.

_A drell assassin or an asari Justicar. Huh. Well, tracking an assassin could be a challenge, which would be interesting. And a Justicar... I don't think I'm up to convincing a Justicar. So..._

"I'll take the assassin"

"Alright. Grab a squad and head out; take whoever you prefer. I'll keep Garrus and Miranda with me."

"Roger. I'll ping you when we're done."

"Be careful."

Willow just huffs, rolls her eyes, and heads out, tapping away at her omnitool. She only takes a moment to ponder squad mates before she grins and sends the message, settling against the railing to wait.

Kasumi and Grunt arrive moments later, and Willow leads them off with a nod of her head and a quick rundown.

Kasumi can be silent, nearly a ghost when necessary, which'll help for disabling any security systems or tricky corners they may come across.

Grunt is  _loud_ , destructive, and will hopefully draw the attention of both the assassin  _and_  any guards in the building. Plus, he'd been going stir-crazy on the ship, according to Arisa, so getting him out and letting him kill some things would do him good.

_Time to work._

 

* * *

 

 

 Seryna has no qualms about confirming Thane’s target - Nassana’s a piece of work, apparently - and even offers to drive them to the Dantius Towers, where she’s sure the hit’s going to happen.

It’s obvious by the active security mechs that Nassana’s either been tipped off or is just plain paranoid, but the state of the salarian worker they come across just inside the building makes Willow angry.

"We're disposable," the poor worker mutters, choking on blood, "We didn't know they were coming - we couldn't escape the dogs-!"

He trails off in a coughing fit and Willow's immediately dispensing medigel, pressing it to the spot of green on his chest. "That won't solve the problem but it should help. Can you stand?"

"Yes, yes, I'll be alright, thank you... be careful. You'll have to get to the bridge to get to the Penthouse, and you'll have to get through the  _mercs_ , first."

"We'll manage."

Willow waits until the salarian's out of range and signals her squad, three guns drawn as they hack the door and slink inside.

They're almost immediately engaged in enemy fire, ducking into cover to avoid the brunt of it.

Willow's throwing biotics and cursing the awkward layout of the room, unable to get in close with so many places for mercs to hide.

Kasumi pops in and out of existence, though Willow can always pinpoint the thief's location by the sudden gurgle of a mercs throat being slit.

And Grunt... well, Grunt's Claymore can punch through pretty much anything, and the krogan's hearty laugh tells her he's just  _fine_.

They push slowly forwards, taking cover whenever more enemies appear, using the same tactics; throw biotics, slit throats, punch through shields.

Finally, the floor is silent, and Willow motions them forwards, up a ramp to a closed door. She counts silently to three, then activates the panel and steps in with her gun ready, the other's at her back.

_"Hey, I think he went in here!"_

The voice from above makes them freeze, Willow's eyes darting to the open vent.  _Well, shit._

 _"Well, go **get**  him_."

_"You go."_

_"Get your ass in there. Nassana's not paying you to stand around."_

_"Fine. But I-"_

There's a sudden  _oof_!, the sound of a brief struggle, and Willow can't help but jump when a body suddenly comes tumbling from the vent and lands on the ground with a hard  _smack_.

It's a merc, and he's  _definitely_  dead. Willow nearly holds her breath, listening, not quite daring to step under the vent, lest the assassin believe they are also a threat.

Silence reigns, and Willow motions the squad onward, slipping into cover as more mechs and mercs appear around the corner.

They work the same as they had before, biotics and slitting throats and Grunts near maniacal laughter as he punches through shield after shield, but the back of her neck is prickling, and she  _knows_  they're being watched, now.

 _Guess I picked a good squad for this._  They'd certainly caught the assassin's attention, anyways.

They press on once the enemies are down, finding a locked room filled with more salarian workers.

"We thought he was going to kill us, but he just locked us in!"

"Do you know who he was?" Willow asks, though she already knows the answer.

"No idea, but he wasn't a merc! Probably saved our lives, really."

She motions for them to head out, since they've cleared the way through the lower floors, wondering about the assassin's ways.

_Not interested in hurting innocents, it seems. That's one point in his favour. On top of his obvious combat skills._

They activate the elevator, take cover, and shoot down the enemies lurking within before they can even step through the doors, Willow breathing out a small sigh of relief.

_Doing good so far, Willow. Biotics are good. Teamwork is good. Two years hasn't hurt your leadership skills. Thankfully._

They jump into the elevator and Willow slams the  _up_  button before more mercs can appear, waiting impatiently as it moves steadily upwards.

There's another merc waiting for them - but he's on his comm, facing the window, and Willow approaches like a stealthy predator, Kasumi and Grunt flanking her with their guns leveled at his head.

"I don't know where he is yet. Don't worry about it - we don't need any reinforcements." he's completely unawares as they move closer, voice confident, "It's under control. I'll go down there myself."

Willow doesn't speak until they're  _right_  behind him - so close that one blast from the Claymore will take his head off, "Turn around,  _very_  slowly."

The merc freezes, turns halfway, and curses " _Damn_  it."

"Have you seen the assassin?" Willow takes another two steps forwards, forcing the merc closer to the window.

"Why are  _you_  looking for him? You're not one of Nassana's mercs. Who are you?"

"Answer my questions," another two steps, till the man's pressed right to the glass, "and I'll let you go."

Typically, the merc decides to be stubborn. "Look pal, even if I knew where he was, I wouldn't tell  _you_."

" _Not_  the answer I was looking for,  _pal_."

The merc visibly hesitates, then crosses his arms, "I've got nothing more to say to you. If you shoot me, my team is  _right_  in there, and-"

_Blah blah blah, why do they always have to ramble so goddamn much?_

Every moment wasted listening to this idiot was another step they fell further behind the assassin; Willow flares her biotics in a bright barrier, getting right in the man's personal space and baring her teeth.

"Is a little information really worth  _dying_  over? Is  _Nassana_?" she doesn't drop her voice very often, but the effect is obvious; the merc bumps back against the glass, visibly shaken, voice much less assured when he speaks.

"No... I suppose not. Okay, look, last I heard, the assassin was down on the mezzanine. But the teams on the bridge think they might have spotted him. Nobody knows for sure."

_Useless._

Willow steps back, jerking her head towards the elevator they'd come from, "Get out of here."

The merc does as told, and Willow lets the biotics fade, taking a moment to check her reserves and then motioning the squad on.  _Okay, don't overdo it on the biotics for the rest of the mission, and you'll be okay._

They fight through one more small contingent and then find yet more workers locked in a back room - one of which is jumpy and pulls a gun, and Willow has to quickly shove the Claymore down before Grunt can blow his head off.

She deals with the situation and they move on, and suddenly they've made it to the roof, and the wind howls as they hit the bridge running - dodging turret fire and mercs while fighting for balance.

Willow focuses on the turrets while the others keep the enemies at bay, only signaling to move up once they're down and the bridge is momentarily clear.

They face resistance right up until the damn door, one final vanguard going down as they hit that last platform and immediately rush inside, guns drawn.

The asari she assumes is Nassana turns around, four guards standing around her, and Willow wonders where the assassin's hiding.

"Wait. Before you kill me, just tell me who hired you."

_Can't hurt to play the game, can it?_

"Who do you think it was?" Willow saunters closer to the desk, confidant with her squad at her back.

Nassana scowls. " _Screw_  you."

"Charming."

"Kill me then, I'm not playing your stupid games. You made it this far; now what?"

Still no sign of the assassin, but she knows he's nearby. "You really think I'm here to kill you?"

"Do you have  _another_  reason for destroying my tower? Decimating my security?"

"I'm just looking for someone."

"What is it you want? Credits?"

Willow stills at noise from the roof above her, trying not to smirk, "All the credits in the world won't make this problem go away, Nassana."

"Who gave you the right to play God?! We both kill people for money, what's the difference?"

" _You_  kill people because you think they're  _beneath_  you. That they're in your way." Willow pushes back the anger she feels rising, reminding herself why she's here, "You treat your workers like shit. I only kill when it's absolutely necessary."

Willow zones out on whatever Nassana's saying after that, because there's another noise above her and one of the guards is tracking it - and then suddenly a blur drops from a vent, a whirlwind of movement that leaves the guards dead on the ground, and Nassana laying back on her desk as she breathes her last.

He begins praying over the body - likely a drell ritual - and Willow clears her throat, stepping closer.

"Thane Krios? I'm here to-"

Willow cuts off in shock, eyes going wide when he lifts his head and stands straight; it's grown dark outside, an almost sunset coming through the windows, and she can see the details clearly. Green skin, black stripes and red frills; emerald eyes nearly hidden in black.  _Familiar_.

_"You look as though you have lost yourself. Your soul is in turmoil; some find that talking helps."_

It's the same face from two years ago in Zakera Cafe, offering to listen to a strangers woes. She'd spilled her pain to Thane Krios without even knowing.

_Sonovabitch!_

Thane only stares, as though considering the situation, and she wonders for a moment if he doesn't remember before he says "I will admit, I find myself surprised. From the rumors, I had believed it was Commander Shepard trailing me through the towers. Not the C-Sec officer I met two years ago."

_Of course he remembers, idiot, he's a drell. Perfect memory._

Willow forces what she hopes is a neutral expression, nodding sharply. "Can't say I knew that  _you_  were Krios, either. I'm the Commander's Second. She asked me to find you."

"So I gathered. But  _why_?"

"We need you for a mission."

Thane  _hmms_ , crossing his arms behind his back and walking to one edge of the desk, then the other. "Strange, that you should need the aid of an assassin. What kind of mission?"

Willow can't help watching him, trying to reconcile the quiet man in the cafe who'd let her ramble with this calm,  _lethal_  assassin, his every movement precise and controlled.

"Are you familiar with the Collectors?" she says at last, forcing herself to stop staring, to banish the memories until a more appropriate time.

"By reputation." Thane answers, continuing to pace.

"They're abducting entire human colonies." Willow clenches her fists, trying to keep her impatience in check, more rattled then she'd like to admit by his sudden appearance, "Freedom's Progress was their handiwork."

Thane pauses, staring out the window with his arms still clasped behind his back, "I see."

Now she's biting her tongue. "We're going after them."

He whirls around faster then she expects, face impossible to read, "Attacking the Collectors would require passing through the Omega 4 Relay. No ship has ever returned from doing so."

"They told the Commander it was impossible to get to Ilos, too." Willow retorts, slightly annoyed that she has to fall back on something Arisa had done, "She's known for doing the impossible."

Thane chuckles. Actually  _chuckles_. "A fair point. This...  _was_  to be my last job."

He turns back to the window, as though contemplating the sunset again. Then, in a voice she can't decipher, says "I'm dying. Low survival odds don't concern me. The abduction of your colonists does."

Willow hardly hears anything past  _I'm dying_ , brain frozen and eyes wide.  _What_?

"You're  _dying_?" she's blurting before she can help it, confused, "Are you contagious? How long do you have?"

"If you're interested, we can discuss it on the ship - I'll need to speak to the Commander in regards to it," Thane turns, his gaze on hers, "The problem isn't contagious, and it won't affect my work."

Her chest is tight - his words bringing back her own painful memories of being diagnosed, the doctor looking sad as she'd said  _"I'm sorry, you're dying."_  - but she bites back any words of sympathy, anything that might sound like pity.

 _She_  hadn't wanted any pity, when she'd first found out; she still didn't. She would, then, not force pity on him.

"I hadn't heard that," she says instead of  _I'm sorry_ , because apologizing is useless, "Is there anything I can do?"

"Giving me this opportunity is enough," comes the response, and the tiniest smidge of that quiet grin she'd seen years before breaks through, "The universe  is a dark place. I'm trying to make it brighter before I die. Many innocents died today. I wasn't fast enough; I must atone for that."

Thane turns fully then, extending his hand, and she thinks it's  _amusement_  in his expression this time, "I will work for you, and your Commander. Though I realize now; you know my name, yet you've withheld your own."

"Willow." she says, taking the offered hand and gripping tight, "Willow Shepard. Welcome to the team, Thane."

_And here's hoping I haven't already made a terrible impression of myself, or else I'm in trouble._

_"Willow? Willow, are you there? Report."_

The ping catches her off guard, making her nearly flinch back from the handshake, resolutely ignoring Thane's  _definitely amused_  expression as she turns to answer.

"Hey, Arisa, we're here. Thane's with us; he's coming back to the Normandy."

_"Good, we just finished as well - Samara's been briefed, and we're just about back. Meet you both in the boardroom?"_

"Aye aye, Commander."

_"Shepard out."_

_Deep breaths Willow._

"Alright, people. You heard the Commander." she turns, gives her team - and she supposes Thane  _is_  part of the team, now, - a nod, "Let's get out of here."

 

* * *

 

 

 Willow doesn't bother changing out of her armor when they reach the Normandy, only motioning for Thane to follow her and heading immediately for the boardroom. His steps are nearly as silent as Kasumi's, and she wonders if he isn't purposely putting more weight into them so as to not freak out the crew.

Arisa's waiting for them, already changed into the casual Cerberus slacks she typically wears on board -  _"I wish I had some Alliance gear, or even N7, but it'll have to do."_  - pushing off from where she's been leaning against the table to greet them.

"Welcome to the Normandy, Thane. It's good to have you," Arisa extends her arm in a motion near identical to Thane's in the tower, the drell accepting easily, "Commander Arisa Shepard. You've already met my Second, Willow; she'll be leading teams whenever I'm busy. I'll introduce you to the ships XO, Miranda, a bit later, as well as the rest of the squad."

"Thank you, Commander. There is one matter I must mention, before we proceed any further. As I told your Second back in the Tower, I am dying." Thane settles into what Willow realizes must be a habitual position of his - arms tucked behind his back, shoulders straight, nearly military rest - before continuing "It is not contagious, and it will not impair my work. I will fight beside you so long as the mission requires, and I will do so for free. A Suicide Mission does not concern me, for obvious reasons."

"Then we're lucky to have you, Thane." Arisa flicks a glance in Willow's direction, then nods to the drell, "If there's anything you need, let us know. Likewise, is there a certain area on the ship you would prefer to bunk in?"

"Someplace dry would be preferred, if there is one."

EDI's blue holo pops up suddenly, drawing attention,  _"The area near the Life-support plant on the Crew Deck tends to be slightly more Arid then the rest of the ship."_

"Ah, an AI. My thanks."

"I'll show you down." Willow offers, Arisa nodding in permission, "Follow me, Thane. It's down another Deck."

The drell nods, hoisting the bags he'd brought with him onto his shoulders, following close behind as they head back through the armory - she feels like Mordin would have several something's to say about their new teammate, and doesn't want any  _other_  facts absently spilling from him - and out to the elevator.

They ride down in silence, near bumping into Garrus when the doors open.

The turian steps back to let them out, giving Willow a silent look and a jerk of his head. Willow only grins and shrugs, and she sees his mandibles flutter before he steps into the elevator and the door closes again.

"In here," she says, leading Thane to the proper door and hitting the panel, noting that  _both_  observation decks now glow green, as well.  _Guess I know where Samara's bunking_.

She allows him to enter first, to orient himself in the space that will more or less be his. Willow crosses her arms, leaning against the wall just inside the door, just... watching. Wishing her visor had better scans, like Garrus', so she could catch  _some_  hint as to what was happening with the drell.

_"You look as though you have lost yourself."_

"You look as though you have questions you wish to ask."

Willow snaps from her thoughts, startled to find him watching her, calm amusement playing at his lips.

_Wondering how the world is so damn small. Wondering what you're dying from. Wondering how I let my damn guard down so badly._

"Just wondering what hit I inadvertently messed up two years ago." she says aloud, shrugging.

Thane blinks, then chuckles. "No need to worry, then; I had no target at that time. I was allowing myself to be seen on purpose, that day, so that any rumors I had left the Citadel would be credible."

"You wanted people to know you'd left?"

"Correct. Less likely to be haunted by old crimes, if they believe you out of reach." Thane crosses his arms and rests back against the table - the only furniture currently in the room, she realizes, a moment before noticing his pose mimics her own - "What do I call you? Shepard?"

"Most of the crew already refers to Arisa as Shepard; I doubt most of them  _know_  her first name. It'd get  _way_  to confusing if I started going by it," she snorts, drawing another low chuckle, "Just call me Willow. I don't have an official title, even if I am Second Squad Leader."

"Willow, then. I find myself curious. When we first met, you wore the uniform of C-Sec. Yet today, you wear N7 armor. I am... confused, I suppose."

"Ah." no wonder he'd thought she was Arisa, at first. "I'm retired N7 - I still have the designation, but I'm not active duty. I left the Alliance when I joined C-Sec - and now I've left C-Sec to help Arisa."

"I was not aware one  _could_  retire from the Alliance; not at such a young age, at least - forgive my assumptions, but you do not  _look_  aged."

That makes her laugh - a quiet, slightly bitter laugh, - and shake her head "There were reasons. And no, I'm definitely not  _retiree_  age; I'm twenty eight."

"I thought as much."

Thane goes silent then, watching her, and Willow shifts uncomfortably; he's giving her a  _look_ , one she can't decipher, and it's making her skin prickle.

"What?"

"You no longer seem lost." is all he says, voice soft, and she blows out a breath.

"You're right."

"So, then, the cousin you lost...?"

"Was Arisa."

"And the friend?"

"Garrus. The turian we passed in the hall."

Thane nods, as though he'd expected the answers, and they fall into silence once more, listening to the thrum of the life support machines.

Finally, Willow can't take it any longer, pushing away from the wall, "Well, if you need anything, let either myself or Arisa know, Thane. We can get you a cot or something, at least."

"Thank you, Willow. I will do so. I look forwards to working with you."

_Smug bastard._

"Have a good night, Thane." is all she says, turning and exiting the room, heading immediately for the elevator and the armory.

Wondering the whole time if  _all_  drell possess the apparent ability to stare into your soul, or if it's just this particular drell.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kudos and comments make my day! ♥


	4. Model Ships and Memories

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Arisa’s gone to help Miranda with something personal - Willow’s in charge of recon and resupply while she’s gone. Illium is beautiful on the outside, but just as dangerous as Omega; a full squad is necessary.
> 
> What starts out as a simple shopping trip with Kasumi and Thane ends in purchasing an armload of model ships and fish. And somehow, that leads to talking.
> 
> She’s a Squad Leader; she needs to know her team. And if Thane’s willing to talk, she’s willing to listen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here you go guys! Chapter 4 of the fic that has officially taken over my life. Oh well. Can’t complain about the muses being awake, right?
> 
> Anyhoo, enjoy! ♥

Willow wakes with a start, jolting from dreams that were more memory than fantasy. She stares at the ceiling for a moment, blinking the haze from her eyes, then rolls to her feet with a sigh.

Surprisingly, the bed's empty, though there's a light blinking on her omni, and the time reads as still being mid-morning.

Stretching, Willow taps the keys to open the message, crossing the room to stand in front of the empty tanks and stare at the swaying plants while she waits for it to load. Finally, the message pops up, and she scans it over, pursing her lips.

_Willow,_

_Gone to help Miranda with a personal matter - Garrus is with us. Normandy will be docked for at least another 24 hours. Will ping if we need anything. Take a squad and grab some supplies if you can - wrap up any loose ends you encounter. Don't go alone; no safer than Omega._

_Arisa._

_Well, then._  Willow blows out a breath, running an annoyed hand through her hair and heading to the bathroom to wash up.  _No point in dawdling._

She's not annoyed that Arisa went without her - that was kind of the point of Willow being the Second Squad Leader - she's annoyed that she hadn't woken her up, at least told her in person what was going on.

_She was just being nice and letting you sleep. Don't worry about it._

Teeth brushed, face washed, hair combed out, Willow returns to the main cabin and brings up the squad interface, chewing her lip and pacing back and forth in front of the empty tanks as she considers.

_Better to bring a full squad, just in case - we can return that Salarian's family records we found, at least, where was he again? Down by Cargo Shipping, I think. If we're shopping for mods, or new supplies, better to bring people familiar with the weapons, or that haven't had a chance to splurge on the Illusive Man's budget, yet._

She hovers briefly over  _Samara_  before shaking her head, continuing her pacing. She hasn't been properly introduced to the Justicar, yet, and though she's sure Arisa had mentioned her position, she doesn't want to push it.

Jack is to explosive to take shopping right now - she's locked onto something in the Cerberus files she was given and has been gnawing at it in her hidey hole, so taking her out? Not a good idea - and neither Jacob nor Zaeed are what she would call good shopping companions.

Grunt is a definite  _no_.

That leaves Kasumi - who would probably be fun to shop with, honestly, so that's good - and Thane.

Willow forces herself to stop pacing, scowling a little. It really shouldn't be a big deal, taking the drell on a mission - he's part of the team, now, and that's what they're supposed to do when Arisa's busy.

The fact that they'd met before  _shouldn't matter_ , because they hadn't really  _known_  each other. It had been a quick chat in a coffee shop, that was it. And yet...

Honestly? She's curious. She knows very little about drell - knows they live on the Hanar homeworld, and that they're very spiritual, but they don't often  _leave_  the home world - and she knows even less about Thane. The man who had allowed a complete stranger to vent her worries to him, but could also kill a man before his presence was even noticed.

_Nothing wrong with being curious. And if he's lived on Illium, he'll know the best shops. It makes sense._

Before she can hesitate again, Willow selects the two names and lifts her omni closer to her face, speaking, "Kasumi, Thane, meet me in the armory ASAP. We're heading out."

She heads for the elevator the moment she receives an affirmative ping from each of them, crossing through the CIC to the armory.

Willows strapped into her armor by the time the other two arrive, checking and rechecking her guns as she straps them on - both are also in their battle gear, she's pleased to note, and they both grab their own weapons when they notice her arming up.

"What's the mission, Willow?" Kasumi asks, grabbing her pistol.

"Nothing specific - Arisa and Garrus are on a run with Miranda. She left me a message to pickup supplies and run recon before we leave Illium." Willow checks her Locust - her favorite gun, since picking it up on the run with Kasumi - and straps it on, shooting a grin at the others, "Hopefully you don't mind a little shopping trip."

Kasumi nearly  _squeals_ , a delighted grin tipping her lips.

Thane's gaze is on her weapons, the drell checking his sniper rifle almost automatically. "Are we expecting trouble, Willow?"

"I'm always expecting trouble," she responds immediately - an old habit from her N7 days - then curses, "Honestly? No. Just better to be ready for anything."

“Hmm. We are agreed on that.”

Willow nods, finishing with her prep, and leads them out to the CIC once they’re ready, headed for the airlock.

“First stop is dropping off this datapad we found; pretty sure the salarian who lost it is down by the Cargo Shipping Office. Thane,” Willow glances at him over her shoulder, “You’re more familiar with Illium then me. Where are the best shops?”

“For general supplies, the kiosks on the main floor should be sufficient. If you’re looking for weapons or mods, we’ll need to go upstairs.”

“Any good clothing stores?” Kasumi inquires, and Willow doesn’t have to be looking to see the feline grin she’s wearing.

“None that I know of,” Thane replies easily, making a quiet  _hmm_  noise, “There  _is_  Memories of Illium, near the weapons kiosk. They sell knick knacks - model ships, among other things.”

 _Model ships, huh?_  the near-empty display cases in Arisa’s cabin flash in her mind, and she makes a note to stop and check out which models they have available.

“Alright then, let’s start with the general kiosk and work our way up.”

That first stop turns out to be the easiest; they sort through the supplies available and purchase what they need, and she finds both Kasumi and Thane’s input helpful - though she makes sure to grab Dextro supplies as well, using the list Arisa had had Garrus make for previous shopping trips.

Willow completes the purchase and chooses the  _Deliver to Ship_  option, punching in the Normandy’s shipping ID and waiting till she gets the  _ping_  of a confirmation on her omni before moving on.

The salarian is back where she remembers him being - probably works in the area - and he’s on yet  _another_  call as they approach, brushing them off with a wave of his hand. “Do you  _mind_? I’m on an important  _call_ -”

Annoyed, Willow only shoves the datapad in his face, brows lifted, “This the data you’re looking for?”

His face drops in shock, hands whipping out to grab the datapad and lips stretching in a wide grin as he scans the info. “Yes! This is it! You have  _no idea_  how much you’ve helped my family by returning this to me! We are in your debt! Here, take this credit chit - it’s the  _least_  I can do.”

“Keep better track of that data this time, okay?”

“I will! Thank you again!”

Willow steps back to let the salarian pass, shaking her head when he’s immediately back on his omni, vaguely hearing him gushing about the data being returned.

“O-kay, good deed of the day done. Thane, where was that weapons kiosk?”

Thane tilts his head and takes the lead, moving easily through the sparse late-morning crowd as they head to the opposite stairs and follow the path up and around, exiting on the top balcony area of Nos Astra.

“This way,” he says, motioning to the left, and Willow eyes the perimeter as they walk, noting both of her companions doing the same.

_All of us are paranoid - guess it’s part of the job._

“This is the Kiosk - Gateway Personal Defence.”

Willow turns her attention to the drell, following his motions to the busy kiosk - a salarian and asari speaking quietly on the other side, the proprietress keeping a close eye on the Kiosk - telling Willow that they have the same looter problems as any other city.

“Kasumi, hands off controls.” she whispers, half teasing, lips twitching when the thief pouts dramatically. Willow steps up and opens a trade window, adding several things that catch her eye and then motioning the other two forwards, “Alright, you two, come here. Add anything you think will be useful.”

Thane visibly hesitates, slowly blinking both sets of eyelids, “Are you sure about that, Willow? These mods do not run cheap.”

“We’re working on the Illusive Man’s dime, and Arisa said we’re authorized to buy whatever we think is needed.” she motions again to the trade window, allowing herself a smirk, “So go ahead.”

The drell watches her for a moment, then nods, stepping forwards and sorting swiftly through the available mods, adding several that told Willow he knew  _exactly_  what to look for.

Mods for different guns, medigel capacity, different bone and skin weaves - all things that would legitimately help with the mission.

She’s not even surprised, and that feels strange; his tendencies shouldn’t be so apparent. But he’s a professional, has worked his chosen field for years, survived alone - so she  _shouldn’t_  be surprised, really.

Kasumi gets a turn, to, and the thief only adds a couple of pistol mods before nodding to herself and stepping back, giving Willow a thumbs up.

An  _actual_  thumbs up.  _Yeah, Kasumi was a good pick._

“Alright, then.” Willow types in the Normandy’s ID and hits  _confirm_ , waiting again for the  _ping_  and then turning to the quiet man at her left, “So. Where’s this shop that sells model ships?”

Thane’s amusement is clear in his smirk, head tilting curiously, “I had not realized there was a call for model ships on a suicide mission. Is this a… pastime of yours, Willow?”

“It’s Arisa’s hobby, actually - she’s got a huge display case in her cabin, but only a couple of models so far.” Willow shrugs, trying to play it off as nothing, already turning to head to the other kiosk, “Figured I’d see if they have any she doesn’t.”

“Ah, I see.” Thane follows close behind, so she can hear his quiet chuckle, “You are a thoughtful woman, Willow Shepard. The Commander is lucky to have you.”

She’s  _really_  not sure how to take the unexpected compliment, so Willow only moves silently towards the shop and desperately wishes her face would  _stop flushing fuck I hate being a redhead sometimes stop blushing you idiot._

The asari manning the booth looks distinctly bored, waving in the vague direction of the kiosk and giving a disinterested “Please have a look.” as they approach.

Kasumi shrugs, and she and Willow open a trade window, peering through the merchandise while Thane keeps watch.

“Okay… they’ve got an Alliance Cruiser, and a Freighter she doesn’t have -  _woah,_ they have a  _Mako_  model, definitely have to grab that.”

“What’s special about the Mako?”

“They had one on the SR1, and Arisa was apparently  _terrible_  at driving it; always used to hear stories from Garrus and the others-”

“- _Blue Rose of Illium, let your roots dig deep into the hot soil of Tuchanka. Let our scorching sun and sheeting rain-”_

Both women pause, glancing at each other. Thane tenses, eyes shifting as he follows the voice.

“Do you hear that?” Willow mutters, listening carefully.

_“-blossomed in a tower of glass and plastic. But beauty under glass is untested and weak. Where are your honored dead, to fertilize-”_

“It  _sounds_  like bad love poetry,” Kasumi whispers back, wincing, “ _Really bad_  love poetry.”

_“-I am speechless, not with blood rage, but with love, and I stand here, humble and mute, to offer you a home-”_

Thane’s head turns, quietly mumbling “The Krogan.” before he’s stalking in the direction of the voice.

And suddenly, the asari manning the booth is anything  _but_  bored. “Wait, where’s he going? He’s not going to  _hurt_  Charr, right? He’s harmless!”

Willow shoots Kasumi a look and pushes away from the kiosk, making what she hopes are calming motions, “Thane won’t hurt him, but I’ve gotta ask;  _why_  is that krogan reciting bad love poetry at you? Loudly? From far away?”

“His name is Charr. We’re on a break.” the woman sighs, rubbing her temple, “He’s a sweet guy, really, fun to party with… but he started talking about settling down, having kids…”

“Not what you’re looking for, I take it?”

“Well, it’s a big step! I wouldn’t really  _mind_ , but…”

“But?” Willow prompts, curious; she glances behind her, noting how Thane is speaking to the Charr, wondering what his side of the story sounds like.

“Well… I’m worried that he  _just_  wants kids, that I’m just a means to have them, since the genophage wouldn’t effect asari reproduction. I don’t think he realizes that our children would all be  _asari_.”

“Have you talked to him about it?”

“I have. He said he would love our girls, regardless, but I just…”

“Okay, stop. Look, the solution is simple.” Willow holds her hands up, mimicking a scale, “Either you trust him, which means you should stop worrying and go  _talk_  to him, or you don’t, in which case you’ve already made up your mind.”

“Well, when you put it that way…”

“Life is too short to spend it stressing over the little things. If he makes you happy,  _right now_ , go for it. Take the chance.”

_While you can._

“You’re right! Goddess, I’m a fool… oh, here, have my employee discount, it’s the least I can do.”

Kasumi’s all over the discount, diving right back into the console, “Oh, wow, that’s a good discount! Look, Willow! And hey, they have fish! Neat!”

Willow only makes a quiet  _hmm_  noise, watching the asari jog over and say something to Thane, the drell nodding and turning to head back to them.

Once more, he’s giving her a look she can’t read, and she can’t help a defensive “What?”

“You convinced the asari quite easily, it seems; Charr has apparently been reciting poems for hours.”

“Well, glad to have helped.”

Thane’s gaze doesn’t waver, and it’s so intense she bends and starts browsing the other items the kiosk offers just for an excuse to look away.

“Why?” he asks finally.

“Because life is too damn short to spend questioning yourself. She needed a little push, so I  _pushed_ ; if you don’t take chances while you can, you’ll regret it.”

Willow doesn’t look up as she speaks, and Thane’s quiet response of “Indeed.” makes her wonder what he’s thinking, wonder if she’s given too much away.

 _Let’s just buy Arisa all the damn fish,_  she decides on a whim, forcing herself to focus on the kiosk,  _No more empty aquarium._

Willow’s quick to finish up - adding the three chosen models and three species of fish available to the trade window - and then hesitates over the  _Deliver to Ship_  option, thinking.

“Hey… you two mind helping me carry a few things to the ship?” she chances a glance at them both now, shrugging a shoulder, “I feel like having  _live fish_  delivered to the ship is a bad idea. They might die before they’re put in the tank.”

“Ohh, I’m game! A nice little surprise for Shep, huh?”

“With three of us, it should be a simple task.” Thane agrees, and Willow hits the  _Pick up at Dock_  option, waiting for one last  _ping_  before stepping away.

“Alright. We’ll grab it at the Pick-up Kiosk downstairs, then head back to the ship before Arisa and the other’s finish their mission. If all goes well, we can get everything up to the cabin and get out before they’re back on the ship.”

Her team nods, and they make their way back through the winding paths of Illium, approaching the indicated counter hidden near the back of the floor. She transmits their order ID to the asari working the counter, then blanks slightly at the packages she brings out.

The models are tucked into a small box, easily manageable… the fish are in a much  _bigger_  one, bigger then she’d honestly expected.

“Well, shit.”

“I can handle the larger box,” Thane says, stepping forwards to lift it before she can respond, “Willow, take the smaller one; Kasumi, keep the path clear, and watch for doors.”

“Sounds good!”

“Are you sure, Thane?”  _Aren’t you sick? Won’t it put too much strain on you? Fuck, I haven’t even asked him **what**  he’s sick with, yet, great team management skills there, Willow._

“I promise you, I am fine.” the drell hoists the box so easily into his arms she can’t really question him, and that infuriating smirk is on his lips again when he turns back to her, “Shall we?”

Willow  _hmphs_  and lifts the smaller box, following after a snickering Kasumi as she clears the way forwards for them.

Asides from having to walk slower, the trip back to the Normandy is quick and uneventful, and Willow isn’t even surprised when the thief cloaks herself just before stepping into the CIC.

_She mentioned one of the Crew giving her strange stares before; can’t say I blame her._

“Elevator,” she mumbles quietly, following the bob of the tactical cloak and knowing Thane is close behind by the precise strike of his footsteps.

Asides from a couple of brief glances, they make it through the CIC unnoticed, and Willow almost thinks they’re clear - before the elevator door opens and Mordin steps out.

Willow comes to an immediate stop, and she has to credit Thane’s control, because he doesn’t so much as bump her.

Mordin blinks slowly, as though he’d also been caught off guard, “Willow. Good to see you - meant to check in. All is well?”

“Perfectly fine.” she says through gritted teeth, trying to say  _please don’t say anything else_  without actually strangling the salarian.

“Good, very good.” Mordin’s eyes flick to the drell behind her and his face lights up, “Ah, Krios! Heard you’d come on board! Have heard stories, quite interesting - not the point. Would like to do research, if I may? Samples, questions to answer - have not encountered many drell! Will also need to work anti-collector tech into your armor, when you have time. Need to protect from stinger swarms - Willow, would also like to update your module. Have developed  _better_  adaptation!”

“Of course, professor. I will come after my evening meditation, if that is alright?”

“Yes, of course! Willow, when can I expect your visit?”

“Uh, I’ll let you know, Mordin. Right now, these boxes are kind of  _heavy_ , d’you mind…?”

“Oh! Not at all. Have waylaid, prattling, I apologize. Do continue! Will see you later, Krios.”

Willow nods curtly and hurries into the elevator, forcing herself to ignore Kasumi’s chuckle as she turns around, making space for Thane.

Mordin watches until the doors close, and the way his eyes are flicking back and forth between she and Thane makes Willow’s skin crawl.

_I don’t even want to know. He better not be planning anything._

The lift reaches Arisa’s floor and Willow steps up to the panel, a quick scan registering her and allowing them into the cabin.

Kasumi pops briefly back into existence as Willow sets the box of models down on the desk, Thane taking the steps down to set the box of fish just in front of the tanks. “If you’re good, I’m going to head down and take a cat nap. This was fun though, Willow! We’ll have to go shopping again - preferably on the Citadel, where there’s good clothing stores. You  _need_  a new wardrobe.”

Willow snorts, busy unpacking the models, “Thanks, Kasumi. Enjoy your nap.”

“Oh, I  _will_. See you later.”

She disappears with another static pop, and Willow only shakes her head.

Thane chuckles quietly, drawing her attention, “Quite the character. It’s almost refreshing to have someone so carefree on board.”

“Agreed.” Willow manages to get the two model ships unboxed - they’re premade, thankfully - despite the awkwardness of still being in full armor, gnawing on her lip as she examines the open slots in the display case, “Hey, help me out? Gotta figure out where to hang these.”

Thane silently does as asked, and the two of them debate which hooks to use for a moment, wanting to work with the ones that will leave Arisa plenty of space to hang other models.

“That should be good. Arisa can always shift them around, if she wants.”

“What about this one?” Thane questions, tapping the Mako’s box, making her grin.

“Naw, that one needs to be assembled - and that’s something Arisa will want to do herself. Let me just stick it on the coffee table, and we can figure out the fish.”

Thane only nods again, moving back to the box of fish while Willow carries the Mako down the stairs and sets it gently on the coffee table, grinning to herself. The models in the display Arisa may not notice immediately, but  _this_  she will.

“Interesting.” she hears Thane murmur, and turns to see him crouched beside the now open box, a datapad held in one hand.

“What is?” Willow crosses over, then pauses, blinking at the contents of the box, “Huh. That’s… different.”

She’ll be the first to admit, she hasn’t ever had fish of her own, so she hadn’t really known what to expect from their carry-containers.

The inside of the box was reinforced with some form of plastic, likely keeping it from bending or leaking. And the fish are in… bubbles. Sort of. Orbs of what  _looks_  like water, but not attached to or encased in anything.

Just. Bubbles. Of fish. Chilling in the box.

“...please tell me I’m not the only one confused by what we’re looking at.”

“You are not.” Thane doesn’t  _sound_  confused, but he is  _is_  scowling slightly, scrolling through the datapad and coming to a stop near the middle, “Ah, I see. The packaging is meant to eliminate waste; we place the orbs in the tank, and they integrate with the water, allowing the fish to swim freely.”

“Okay, that’s cool. Weird, but cool.” Willow leans in just a little, skimming over the instructions herself, “So we just put them in the tank. Easy enough. Except…”

They both pause, looking up at the aquarium lining the wall, eyeing it for openings or latches.

Nothing stands out; to the naked eye, it’s a seamless wall.

“ _How_  do we get into the tank, exactly?” Thane echoes what she’s thinking, and Willow can feel her brow twitching.

“Hell if I know. EDI?”

The AI’s avatar pops up to the left of the tanks, glowing bright blue,  _“Yes, Willow?”_

“We bought Arisa fish. How the  _hell_  do we get them into the tank?”

 _“There is a hidden mechanism. Here.”_  a small drawer slides out from the wall suddenly, as black as the paneling,  _“Insert the orbs here, and they will be deposited safely into the tanks.”_

“Thank you, EDI.” Willow gingerly reaches into the box, scoops up one of the orbs of swimming fish, and shrugs a shoulder at the drell, “Shall we?”

Thanes response is a chuckle as he scoops up another orb, and they carefully cross to the open panel and deposit them as gently as they can. They disappear through some hidden opening in the back, and then they’re floating in the tank, the fish swimming free as their bubbles disintegrate.

“Neat.” Willow says, and they work at putting the rest of the orbs into the drawer, watching it seal itself back into the wall once they’re done.

There’s food in a corner of the box, and EDI opens the storage drawer so Willow can dump it in, hitting the button on the edge of the tank and watching the hordes of fish all swim towards the wave of flakes that’s released.

She breaks up the box and stuffs it down the garbage shoot before returning to the tank, standing beside Thane and just watching the fish swim for a few moments.

It’s a strange moment of contentment, considering how jumpy she’d been about the assassin right up until they’d returned to the Normandy, and yet she just feels peaceful.

_“This was to be my last mission. I’m dying.”_

“Thanks,” she says, willing away the intruding thoughts, “I appreciate the help getting this stuff set up.”

“Shepard will be pleased, I think.” Thane answers, and his tone is as calm as she feels, “It was no trouble.”

“Arisa deserves something nice, after everything she’s been through.” Willow watches the fish swim, eyes trailing after them, “I’ll give her as much peace as I can.”

They fall into silence again, but the thought’s won’t leave her alone, now. She’s never met another person who’s been diagnosed as terminal - not anyone who’s kept fighting despite it, at least - and she doubts they have the same illness.

She’s curious.

“Do you drink coffee?” she asks, not sure how else to segway.

Thane blinks, giving her a look, “Willow. If you’ll recall, we originally met in a cafe.”

“Doesn’t mean you drink  _coffee_.”

“Ah, a fair point. I do.”

“How do you take it?”

He stares at her then, that same unwavering stare that makes her feel like he’s looking into her soul, “Why do you wish to know?”

“When I first recruited you, you said you would answer questions about your illness once we were back on the ship,” Willow blows out a breath, does her best not to squirm, “We hadn’t had time yet, but I’d like to discuss it, if that’s alright. But I’m also craving coffee, and I’m not a big enough bitch to show up without at least  _offering_  to bring you one, to.”

That seems to startle a laugh out of him, shaking his head in what she can only assume is amusement, “You are a true diplomat, Willow. Very well. Though perhaps we should adjourn to Life Support, lest we still be here when Shepard returns.”

“Sure. Let me dump my armor and weapons and I’ll meet you down there. With coffee.” she says pointedly, and Thane chuckles again.

“You’ve made your point. One cream, one and a half sugar, please.”

“One and a  _half_  sugar? Seriously?”

“You asked,” Thane grins, “One sugar is not enough, but two overwhelms the taste of the coffee. I am very particular in my tastes.”

“More like picky.” she mumbles, feigning innocence at his look, “I’ll do my best.”

“Your effort is appreciated.” he says, almost snarky, and she has to reign in the urge to elbow him, reminding herself that she only  _properly_  met him yesterday, and that they are definitely  _not_  friendly enough for that.

She just waves him off instead, waiting until he’s left to pull off her visor and run a hand through her hair, sighing.

_Okay, get changed, grab coffee, go._

She doesn’t feel like wearing the Cerberus slacks she’s been given, so she digs through her own drawer instead and pulls on an old pair of leggings and an N7 tank top, glad that they still fit her properly.

_Haven’t lost any weight or muscle, good sign. Hopefully that won’t start for a few more years._

Willow rolls her neck, wincing at a twinge in her shoulder, flaring her biotics briefly to exert some of the excess energy - then grabs her armor and weapons and heads for the armory to put them away.

The trip down the elevator is  _thankfully_  silent, and she makes small talk with Gardner while she’s fixing their coffees - frowning and trying her best to manage a spoonful and a half of sugar for Thane, ignoring the cooks laugh.

_Probably messed that up, but hey, I tried. His own fault for being picky._

Coffee’s ready, she grabs the two mugs and heads for life support, elbowing the lock panel and stepping inside once the doors whoosh open.

Thane is sitting with his back to the door, hands clasped and elbows resting on the table, staring out the window at the dark expanse beyond.

She doesn’t bother announcing herself - he knows she’s there, and he knows it’s her, she can tell by the tiny shift in his posture, the way he’d straightened - only walks over and sets his mug down in front of him, “Here. I tried, but I don’t know if it’ll live up to your standards.”

“Hmm.” he lifts the mug and takes a sip, pausing a moment, “A bit to sweet, but the effort is appreciated, nonetheless.”

_Note to self, shake off a bit more next time. Wait. Next time?_

Willow examines the changes to the room as she takes a sip from her own mug, ignoring the pesky voice - he’s had a cot brought in, and there’s now two chairs at the table. He’s also laid out his guns on the fold-out shelves - an impressive selection that doesn’t surprise her as much as it should.

“You are left handed.”

Willow blinks, turning her gaze back to the drell to find him watching her intently. “So?”

“Just an observation. I had not noticed before.”

“Ah, yeah. I tend to throw biotics with my right hand, but I am technically a lefty.” she steps around the table, slipping into the seat opposite him, “So. You mind answering a few questions?”

“Not at all. I thought you might want to know more, considering the vague conversation we had on Illium. I will also speak to Shepard in regards to this matter, should she need more details.”

“You said you were dying.”

“And so I am. You don’t have to worry about the rest of the crew. My illness is not communicable, even to other drell. It’s called Kepral’s Syndrome.”

Willow frowns, drawing a blank at the name.  _Definitely not the same disease._  “Will you be alright for the mission?”

“I should be fine for another eight to twelve months. The more time I spend in humid environments, the faster it progresses.”

He pauses, gives a self-deprecating smirk. “I think it’s safe to say, by the time my body is incapacitated, we’ll be victorious - or dead. Either way, I won’t be a burden to you, or the Commander.”

 _We’ll win._  Willow wants to say, but even she’s not sure, with the stakes set against them. But his logic strikes home with her, because she’d said much the same thing to Arisa -  _I’m coming whether you like it or not. Death doesn’t scare me. I’m dead in eight years anyways. I’m fighting beside you._

Instead, she says “What exactly  _is_  Kepral’s Syndrome? I haven’t heard of it before.”

“You wouldn’t have, unless you’d met a great deal of drell.”

“Honestly? You’re the only drell I’ve spoken to, and I’ve seen maybe five, total.”

He chuckles, “Then you’ve seen more than most outworlders. My people are native to an arid world. Most of us now live on Kahje, the hanar homeworld. It’s very humid, and rains every day.”

Willow sips her coffee, nods, “I’ve heard that. Doesn’t sound like a great vacation spot.”

“For most species, it’s not, but it suits the hanar well; unfortunately, it does not suit the drell. Our lungs can’t handle the moisture. Over time, the tissue loses its ability to absorb oxygen. It becomes harder to breathe. Eventually… we suffocate.”

Her shock must be obvious on her face, because Thane’s lip twitch humorlessly, “It is not a pleasant disease.”

“Can’t they  _do_  something about that?” she asks, hating how much it reminds her of her own diagnosis, her panic and denial when she’d first been told.

_“Isn’t there a cure?! A treatment?! Something! You’re telling me we live in an age of space travel and unprecedented technology, and you can’t fucking help me?!”_

She’d pushed past that, vowed to live her remaining years to the fullest, but the memories still sting, and that feeling of helplessness still rears its head on nights when she can’t Mask.

_Fucking hell._

“The hanar  _have_  funded a genetic engineering program,” Thane’s saying, and she forces herself to tune back in, to stay carefully neutral, “They should be able to adapt us. But the project has only been running for a few years. I don’t believe my body will still draw breath by the time it bears fruit.”

“But why would you live on Kahje if you know the humidity causes this?”

“Drell have a close relationship with the hanar. We rely on each other. The best we can do is keep our homes very dry inside.”

“Is there anything we can do here?” much as she’s been wary of the salarian on board, Willow wonders if he can help, “Maybe Mordin can do something? He’s insanely smart - maybe a bit crazy, but smart.”

“No thank you.” Thane’s response is curt, concise, and she nearly flinches back, “It’s being attended to. If the finest medical minds in the Hanar Illuminated Primacy can’t solve the problem, I doubt Mordin Solus could.”

She’s not sure what to say to that. His logic sounds too much like her own - she’s afraid she’ll give something away if she does respond.

Thane must take her silence for affront, as he says “Willow. I did not intend to insult Professor Solus, or you for suggesting him. I have simply come to terms with my situation.”

“No worries.” she breaths out, forcing herself to grin, “All’s good. Thank you for the details, though. And for what it’s worth, I’m sorry. I’m not about to pity you - you’re clearly fighting on, despite being ill - but if you ever just want to talk about it, I don’t mind.”

“I suppose that  _is_  part of your role as Squad Leader,” Thane muses.

“I’m just curious, honestly. Like I said, you’re the only drell I’ve ever talked to. You’re interesting.”

“Hmm. Then I would welcome the company.” Thane pauses to take a long sip of his coffee, cradling the mug between both hands as he sits back, regarding her, “Now, if I may, I have a question for  _you_.”

“Go ahead.”

“Illium. The krogan and the asari. You were able to sway her so quickly, while I was having trouble getting through to Charr.”

“Krogan  _do_  tend to have thick skulls,” she jokes, not sure where he’s going with this.

“I simply wondered if you had personal experience with a similar matter, given how well you handled it.”

“Ah, no, not quite. I’ve had some flings, a couple of relationships, but nothing like  _that_.” Willow pauses, thinking back, “Well, I guess there  _was_  one guy, kind of. But it wasn’t anything serious, like Charr and Ereba.”

Thane’s brow-ridges lift, and Willow sighs.

“I grew up on Mindoir, in a human colony - he was a childhood friend. Started to get closer as we got older, but nothing crazy - first kiss, vague talk of  _proper_  dating in the future, silly fantasies like that. It was fun.” she blows out a breath, tilting her head back to stare at the ceiling, “Batarian Slavers raided our colony when I was sixteen - my family was killed, as was my friend. Most of the colonists were. I happened to be in the barn, knew where to hide when I heard the noises… and Arisa and Aunt Hannah came to get me as soon as I was able to get a safe signal out.”

“Joined the Alliance at 18, started N School at 19, graduated at 22. Only had flings, after that, and I’ve been single since leaving the Alliance.” she shrugs, still staring up, “So when I see couples like that, staying apart over something so  _small_ … hell yeah I give them a push.”

Never mind that she hadn’t had a relationship since the Alliance because that’s when she’d been diagnosed. Not fair to leave a partner behind.

“...I know your pain.” Thane says after a long moment of silence, and her head snaps down, startled, “I was married, once. To a beautiful, feisty woman.”

“We had a son, a quiet life - one I did my best to keep my work separate from, to never bring business into our home - but it wasn’t enough, in the end. I came home to find her dead, our son hiding in his room, and the men who had done it - Batarians, ironically, - long gone.”

“I’m sorry, Thane.” Willow knows how hollow the words ring, but she’s not sure what else to say; not sure what else she  _can_  say.

“We have lost people, both of us. You do not need to apologize.” Thane lifts his mug and downs the rest of the coffee in a long swallow, offering a small grin, “The coffee was good, Willow. My thanks. I should like to meditate, now, before I meet with professor Solus. You have given me much to think about.”

“Sure. No problem.” Willow scoops up both mugs and stands, nodding to him, “Thanks for talking. And trusting me with this.”

“Thank you for listening. Have a good night, Willow.”

“You, too.”

She brings the mugs out to the kitchen and adds them to the dirty dishes already in the washer, quietly mulling over everything she’d learned as she takes the elevator back up to Arisa’s cabin.

Then she freezes the moment she steps inside, voices catching her.

“ _No_ , Garrus, that’s the wrong piece! You need  _that one_.”

“Shepard, do you know how many times I had to put the  _real_  Mako back together after you ran it through the wringer? I think I can tell which piece I need to - oh. Wait. You’re right.”

“ _Duh_.”

Willow quickly slinks behind the desk, peering around the corner of the display case and grinning widely.

Arisa’s kneeling on the floor beside the coffee table, tongue stuck out while she carefully glues together pieces of the model Mako, Garrus sitting on the couch beside her and scowling down at the instructions.

 _They’re up here putting together a model Mako and bickering like an old married couple. This is too perfect_.

Willow loads up her holo capture and - making a mental note to  _add a shortcut later_  - snaps a couple of shots, unable to resist.

 _Perfect_.

“Willow, we know you’re there; where the  _hell_  did you find a Mako?”

“And gotta admit, the fish are kinda neat; that tank isn’t such an  _eyesore_  now.”

“Watch it Vakarian, I  _like_  the tanks. But yeah, the fish do make it more interesting.”

Willow just smiles and jogs down the steps, dropping to her knees beside her cousin and laughing at the mess of pieces before them.

“Can I help?” she asks, because what better way to relax then to help her cousin and the turian said cousin is  _definitely in love with_  build a model car?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kudos and comments make my day! ♥


	5. Advice From Mordin

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Willow knew Mordin was going to be trouble, and she was right... Just not in the way she’d expected.
> 
> Sometimes, even she needs a push.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh hey look feelings are starting to happen :D Hopefully not to soon but like... this is just the beginning. No super fluff yet. You’ll see.
> 
> Mordin is a troll and I love it. Enjoy?

Haestrom is their next stop to pick up Tali, out on the Far Rim; there are other missions closer by, but Willow knows Arisa is eager to have the quarian back on the team - to have her safely on the Normandy.

It takes several days and relay jumps to make it there, and Willow spends most of her time trying to subtly get Arisa to  _admit_  to something, regarding Garrus, and... strangely, talking to Thane.

She still makes her usual rounds alongside her cousin; poking her head down into Jack's hole to see if she's done raging, sharing a drink with Kasumi here or there, spending  _one night_  in the MedBay under Chakwas' supervision, after expending to much biotic energy taking out a Merc base with the team.

She seems to find her way to life support after every mission - whether Thane had been part of the team that day or not - toting coffee and ready to retreat if the company isn't wanted.

Thane's only turned her away once, so far, and he'd been in the middle of meditating, so she hadn't minded.

She's learning about him, and his life has been fascinating - if sometimes sad.

"No offense," Willow slips into her typical chair, already sliding his coffee across the table, "But you don't really seem like an  _assassin_. Not what I'd pictured, at least."

Thane chuckles, a smirk playing at his lips. "You've spent too much time fighting thugs who think custom-painted armor makes them  _professionals_ , Willow. The hanar trained my body for this role since I was six years old."

Willow nearly chokes on her mouthful of coffee, managing a strangled " _Come again?_  Did you just say  _six_?"

He only sips his coffee, apparently unawares of her confusion, "I did."

"You've been killing since you were  _six_?!" fuck, she'd always thought the hanar were a fairly innocent species, apparently  _not_.

"Of course not, Willow." Thane shakes his head, brow-ridges lowering, "I didn't make my first kill until I was twelve."

Willow leans on her elbows and lifts her own brows, a silent look she hopes gets across how utterly fucked up the situation seems to her.

"They were  _training_  me. I was not to be used and thrown away. I was an investment."

"You were a  _child_ , Thane!" she shouldn't be getting angry - she knows very little of their culture, which is  _exactly_  why she's been  _asking_  these questions - but the thought of a six year old being treated like an object just pisses her off, "A living, breathing  _child_ , not an  _investment_."

Surprisingly, Thane only takes another sip from his coffee, completely calm, "I've given you the wrong idea. They valued me.  _Yes_ , as a resource, but also as a person." A pause, "They... regretted their need for me."

Willow stares at him for a moment, eyes narrowed, then rubs at her forehead - there's a headache forming, and she wonders why before realizing she hasn't eaten since returning from the mission.

_Crap. Note to self, stop living off coffee. Doesn't fuel biotics as well._

"Okay. Hold up. You said the hanar trained you. The  _hanar_?" she looks up again, squints in the suddenly too-bright lighting of the room, "Excessively polite, worship the Protheans? They don't seem the type who'd train assassins."

" _Every_  species trains assassins," Thane says, head tilting, "The hanar are only unusual in that they need another species to do the killing for them. They have a strong grip, and natural toxins, but... have you ever seen one move quickly outside of water? Or fire a gun?"

"Only if you count Blasto." Willow mumbles, and he laughs.

"Okaaaay... next question. Your parents  _agreed_  with you being trained as an assassin?"

"The agreement was made under the Compact. It was an  _honor_  for our family."

"The Compact?" she echoes, willing the headache away so she can sit up, taking another long sip of her coffee.

"We live on the hanar homeworld because they rescued us -  _some_  of us - from extinction. We owe them our  _lives_. That is the Compact."

"But you don't kill for the hanar anymore; you're freelance." Willow blows a wisp of hair from her face, frowning, "What changed?"

Thane clasps his hands around his coffee mug, gaze going past her for a moment. "I was asleep for a long time, yes. I paid no attention to what my body was asked to do. But then-"

He stiffens, suddenly, words taking on a strange tone, eyes far away from the room -

"Laser dot trembles on his skull.

One finger-twitch, he dies.

Then, the smell of spice on the spring wind.

Sunset-coloured eyes defiant in the scope.

The laser dances away."

Thane slumps, eyes on the table, breathing hard, and Willow can only stare for several heartbeats, startled and a little freaked out.

_What the hell just happened?!_

"My apologies." she actually jumps when he speaks, voice back to normal, "Drell slip into memories so easily."

"Ooookay. Was that... one of your assassinations?" she really wants to ask  _what the hell just happened_ , but he seems off balance, suddenly, and she doesn't want to push it.

"Ah." Thane coughs, seeming uncomfortable -  _are his frills puffing up or am I crazy right now?_  - "Yes. Perhaps... we can discuss it later. Judging by the rumbles becoming more audible by the minute, I'd say you've forgotten to eat again."

Willow's stomach chooses that moment to growl  _loudly_ , and she flushes, downing the rest of her coffee in a gulp and standing with a  _hmph!_  "Alright, alright, I'll stop being nosey."

"You are not, how you say, 'being nosey', Willow. The company and conversation is welcome." Thane's grin is honest when he passes her his equally empty mug, "Now, kindly feed that beast before it goes after the crew."

" _Smartass_." she growls, but she's grinning as she heads for the Mess, and she can hear Thane chuckling as the door closes behind her.

Willow lets the memory-slip go for the moment, but she's curious. Hopefully, he'll be willing to talk about it another day.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

They pick up Tali up on Haestrom and it's clear Arisa's relieved to have her on board - especially since she was the last Dossier they'd been given.

Willow also notices her cousin and Garrus spending even  _more_  time together, suddenly; either hanging out in her cabin or the battery after missions, always heading for dinner at the same time, talking strategy and giving each other hell over past experiences and current objectives.

And Willow makes sure to take pictures every  _damn_  chance she gets, because there's little moments where Arisa's hand lingers on Garrus' arm a moment to long, or when the turian is looking at the redhead in a way she  _knows_  is affectionate.

She doesn't mention it to anyone, and the folder full of snapshots has a pass code, just in case anyone ever tries going through her stuff.

She even gets a shot of Garrus  _pouting_  when Arisa leaves him behind on a personal mission of Jacob's, taking Miranda instead - the brunette has  _definitely_  been friendlier since whatever errand they'd had on Illium, and she'd requested to go along for this trip.

Willow didn't know turians  _could_  pout, but it's an equal mix of hilarious and adorable, and she hasn't  _quite_  tamped down her giddy grin by the time she reaches life support, an expression that does not go unnoticed by Thane.

"Curious as I am, my instincts tell me it is better that I do not know what's made you so giddy." he says, lips twitching.

"It's a secret." Willow quips, plopping down on the chair and forcing herself to calm down - or to at least stop grinning like an idiot, " _So_. Ready for more questions?"

It's been about a week since their last in-depth discussion - they'd otherwise been busy with smaller missions and runs, not able to stop and _really_  chat in between - and she hopes it's been long enough that he's willing to talk about what he'd remembered.

(They've spoken about his religion, gone into some of the drell's connection to the hanar - he's polytheistic, an older drell belief, and Willow's glad when he doesn't judge her own unsure beliefs when it comes to Gods. They'd also spoken of his home planet, Rakhana, a topic she suspected was best left untouched past the small glimpse he'd given her.)

Now, though, she's immensely relieved when he says "As you wish."

_What the hell happened last time? Yeah, that's a great way to start a conversation, Willow._

"Last time we talked, you started speaking about a past event as if you were  _watching_  it. Like it was happening in front of you."

"Drell have perfect memories," Thane's expression is soft, suddenly, "We can relive any moment in our lives with perfect clarity."

 _Oh_. Willow blinks, surprised.

"It's difficult to control at times. Some of us disappear into..." he pauses,  _hmms_  to himself, "Let's call it  _solipsism._ "

"You can relive  _every_  assassination you've ever made?" she blurts, unable to help it.

Thane nods. "In perfect detail. Every mistake I made. Every target's last breath."

"That sounds... difficult. You could get trapped in the guilt." she's glad, suddenly, that humans  _don't_  have perfect memories. Sure, she only kills when necessary, and nasty people to boot, but...

"Guilt?" Thane blinks, clasps his hands again, "No. I've never felt any particular guilt about my contracts. My  _employers_  killed them. My body was only the tool they used. If you kill a man with your gun, or your biotics, do you hold them responsible?"

Willow scowls, eyes narrowed, "My  _gun_  can't decide right from wrong. You clearly do."

"My  _soul_  does," Thane corrects, motioning with a hand, "but my body is merely flesh. Flesh whose reflexes were honed to kill."

She can't help it; she slumps down against the table, resting her chin on her crossed arms and frowning. "Kay." she manages, annoyed that she sounds petulant, but trying to comprehend everything he's saying.

"Drell minds are different from humans." Thane only seems amused at her antics, and she's glad, "We see our body as a vessel, and accept that it is not always under our control."

"So you don't take  _any_  responsibility for the things you do?"

"Not  _every_  action performed by my body is a result of conscious choices." he answers, forever calm, "I take responsibility for those that are."

Thane pauses, then asks "Some humans believe in a soul distinct from the body, do they not? A spirit responsible for moral reasoning that lives on after the body's death?" when she nods, he smirks "Our belief is just a bit more  _literal_."

Willow lets her head hit the table with a  _thump_ , managing another "Kay." that she's relieved draws another chuckle.

"Are you alright, Willow?" he asks, voice belaying a smirk.

"I'm good. Trying to wrap my head around it all, but good. So." she lifts her head, scrunches her nose, "Solipsism, huh?"

Thane nods, watching her.

She fiddles with a lose strand of hair, considering. "The memory you had, last time... one of your assassinations. Something about... 'sunset-coloured eyes'?"

"Ah." Thane says, "That time."

He's silent for a moment, eyes going distant in the way Willow now realizes means he's slipping into a memory, and this time she's ready for the burst of words.

"Laser dot trembles on his skull.

Spice on the spring wind.

Sunset eyes defiant in the scope."

This time he sucks in a breath, talking and motioning the moment he's free of the memory, drawing Willow in with the sudden intensity.

"A bystander noticed my spotting laser, and threw herself between me and the target. She couldn't see me, but she stared me down."

"That part seemed... different. You blurted it out." Willow sits up, leans closer - trying to read his expression better, "Just another vivid drell memory?"

Thane nearly  _stammers_ , "Not - no. She was a vivid person."

"Did you take the shot?" she knows the answer, she thinks, but still needs to ask.

He looks down, confirming before he even speaks, "Not... that day."

Thane seems suddenly downtrodden, and Willow regrets the questions. She certainly hadn't meant to upset him, or make him relive any terrible memories, and if that's what she's done...

_Wait to be an awesome team leader, Willow, you're making your squad mate depressed. Good job, A for effort, hip fucking hurray. Leave now before you do any **more**  damage to the poor man._

"I should check if Arisa's back," she mutters, pushing herself up and away from the table, trying not to seem like she's scrambling, "I'll, uh, talk to you later."

"Willow." her name makes her freeze, glancing at him over her shoulder. He's...  _smiling?_  "I appreciate these chats we have. And, just so you know - I haven't shared anything I did not wish to."

She swallows, shrugs. "From what you've told me, you've spent a lot of your life alone, Thane."

Thane chuckles humorlessly, "Work fulfilled me. Reading. I barely spoke to anyone outside my family. It seems there will be no one to mourn me when I die. You're the first friend I've made in ten years."

 _Friend_.

That hits her in the gut, spreads warmth through her chest, but there's also a confusing twist of... what? She's not sure. Something that doesn't like being called  _friend_.

But they  _are_  friends, somehow, she realizes. She speaks to him more than anyone else on the ship, asides from Arisa. It's happened quick, but then, they're in the middle of a suicide mission, and they're both dying.

Time isn't exactly on anyone's side right now.

"I'll mourn you, Thane." she says, because her brain and her heart are arguing and in the midst of it all she's not sure  _what_  to say, "And for the record, you're the first friend I've made since I lost myself. You probably steered me away from  _staying_  lost, honestly."

"Then I am even more glad that we met that day," he grins, the expression making her flush, "I will always be here to talk. And should you need it, my gun is yours."

"Remember that next time I drag you into the middle of a merc camp," Willow snarks, fleeing the room before she can say something stupid.

_What the hell is wrong with me?_

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

The answer, strangely, comes from Mordin.

They've just returned from blowing up an old, not-quite-abandoned Cerberus Lab on Pragia, and they're all in a foul mood.

The stop had been Jack's request, and she'd wanted Arisa and Willow with her - no Cerberus operatives, no one else, just her and the two Shepards.

"I trust you two. Sort of. Anyways, it's just us, got it? I don't want anyone else seeing that place."

Listening to Jack's accounts of what had happened there, the things they'd put she and the other children through... it made Willow  _angry_. Arisa, too, going by the near constant snarl her cousin had worn during their time there.

So they'd gone in, cleared out the mercs that had moved in, planted the bomb, and gotten out - the shuttle had rocked violently from the force of the blast, but it was worth it.

They're all soaked, thanks to the heavy rain that had pelted down on the facility, and only Jack seems to be in any semblance of a good mood as she heads straight for the elevator.

 _Back to her hidey hole_ , Willow thinks briefly, to concerned with getting out of her wet armor and drying off to care  _too_  much.

She and Arisa shuck their armor and weapons in the armory, then head up to the cabin in their black under-suits, stripping once they're safely inside and both working at changing into dry clothes.

Willow's vigorously toweling her hair off when Joker's voice suddenly comes over the comms, sounding distinctly amused.

_"Uh, Commander, you better head to the Crew Deck; Jack just went into Miranda's Office, and the sounds coming out of there are ugggggly."_

Arisa sighs, weariness clear in the lines of her face, "I'll handle it."

_"Don't forget to record it!"_

Willow's about to offer to go with her - as backup, if nothing else - when her omnitool pings, the name flashing on it making her groan.

_What the hell does he want??_

"Mordin." she says, faking a smile as the screen flickers to life, "What's up?"

_"Willow, need to see you in lab. Must update your Stinger Module. Was trying to be patient, but run-in with Collectors is imminent - must be prepared. Please come to lab immediately."_

_Dammit._  So much for just avoiding the salarian forever.

"I've got Jack and Miranda," Arisa says, patting her on the shoulder as they head for the elevator, "Go see Mordin and get it over with."

"Yes, ma'am." Willow grumps, making the redhead snicker.

Willow steps out at the CIC and heads for the Lab, taking a deep breath before crossing the threshold and trying not to wince at the way the salarian locks onto her instantly.

"Mordin. Ready for that update?"

"Yes yes, simple procedure, quick update to omnitool program; should interface easily with your armor, once installed. Here." Mordin gestures to the stool near his workspace, and Willow reluctantly crosses to take a seat, activating her omnitool so that he can work on installing it.

"Also wanted to talk, actually." he mumbles, not looking away from his typing, "Medical matters."

Willow grits her teeth. "I'm  _fine_ , Mordin, thank you. I've been poked and prodded enough to last me a lifetime."

"Ah, not  _that_  kind of medical matter." the salarian  _grins_ , and she has to physically stop herself from yanking her arm away, "Aware that mission is  _dangerous_. Different species react differently to stress."

"Okay..."

"Sexual activity normal as stress release - especially when partners are romantic, long-term, not meant as momentary distraction. Still recommend caution with Thane. Drell-human liaisons complex -  _Thane_  complex, as well."

Willow freezes, gaze snapping to the salarian, mouth hanging open for a moment before she manages a choked sounding " _What_?"

Mordin only blinks and continues, "Have noticed attraction between you. Obvious when paying close attention, amicable reactions leading to more. Affection clear, trust paving road towards more - can provide reading material, must advise caution. Prolonged human to drell skin contact can cause small rash, itching. Oral contact may cause mild hallucinations-"

"Stop, stop,  _stop_ , wait, Mordin,  _no_!" Willow  _does_  pull away from the salarian, taking a step back towards the door and waving her arms frantically, "Thane and I are  _friends. Friends._  As in  _not involved,_ in any way, shape or form! We don't -  _I don't_ -!"

"Realize this is an awkward topic, of course; sometimes can take a while to figure things out, come to terms with certain... 'emotions'. Have observed affectionate reactions in response to each other. Do not believe I am mistaken." Mordin types something on his omni then, and Willow nearly jumps out of her skin at the ping from her wrist, "Have forwarded the material, to be perused at your own leisure. Do let me know if you require any ointment for the rash. Oh! And Stinger program has been updated, should be safe from swarms."

" _Thank you Mordin bye_."

If he says anything else she doesn't hear him, too concerned with fleeing the Lab and trying to get her face to cool down.

Willow slams the button for the elevator and steps in the second it opens, hitting the button for the crew deck and slumping back against the wall.

_Where the hell did that come from?! Fuck, I **knew**  he was going to be trouble. And why does he think Thane and I are...?!_

She tilts her head back, closes her eyes, forces herself to  _breathe_.

_Okay, Willow, relax. Think calmly. Mordin is just misreading things. Thane is your friend. That's it. That's all you want._

_Then why were you disappointed when he called you his friend?_

She stills at the thought. Thinking back.

Disappointment? Was that what that feeling had been? Disappointment that she was only a friend?

It's been two years since she's even dated, but she remembers how those times had started, the emotions.

Wild energy, a promise of fun, a brief moment of passion. Loud, empty moments, meant only for a quick release.

This felt... different. Quiet and calming, a sense of comfort, a space to vent worries and speak of the past.

Thane is interesting - a kind of quiet enigma, willing to share and to talk but not ready to open up about everything, yet - a man who's had a family, a life, and who knows loss, has had to move forwards despite the pain.

He's also  _dangerous_ , and even in their talks, now, she can read that edge in his posture, see it in the flick of his eyes, and she'd have been lying if she said it didn't just  _add_  to his appeal, his mystery.

And... he’d spoken to her in a time when she'd needed the ear, had probably drawn her away from the self-destructive path she'd been slowly turning to without even realizing.

 _Well, shit._  Willow blows out a breath, runs her hand through her hair, and steps out of the elevator when the doors open, staring at the doors to life support.

So maybe Mordin's right. She feels  _something_  for the drell, something deeper then friendship. It's not lust or anything simply physical, it's... something else.

She could call it a stupid crush and ignore it, could be flustered and uncomfortable in his presence, or avoid him entirely, but that's never been her style.

They're both dying, whether they survive this mission or not; she doesn't want to ruin the friendship, but she doesn't want to ignore the feelings, either, now that she realizes they're there.

_Just be the same as ever. Test the waters. Gradually let him know you're interested._

That thought in mind, Willow squares her shoulders, palms the door panel, and steps confidently inside.

Only to falter at the image that awaits her; Thane, sitting in the chair  _she_  normally occupies, head tilted back and eyes closed, hands clasped against his chest and mouth open just slightly to breathe.

 _Okay_ , she thinks, swallowing,  _Maybe there's a **little**  physical interest there, to..._

Thane's eyes pop open after a moment, and he blinks, seeming briefly startled, "Willow. I apologize. I seem to have lost myself in a memory."

"Solipsism?" she asks quietly, walking over to take his usual seat, tilting her head when he nods, "It's probably because I'm human, but I still don't get the appeal. Can you elaborate a little...?"

"When a memory feels as real as life, it's as valid as life," Thane lays a hand on the table, gaze distant, "Thinking about a moment brings back the smell of cut grass, the warmth of another's hand on yours, the taste of another's tongue in your mouth."

His eyes are intense when he looks up at her, and Willow can't look away, to entranced by the emerald irises nearly hidden in black. "Wouldn't you rather lose yourself in such a memory than spend the night alone, staring at walls of metal and plastic?"

"I see your point." she nearly whispers, and Thane seems to jolt, coughing into his hand.

"I'm sorry. Perhaps that was... if I have made you uncomfortable, it was not my intention. I found a holo on my omni; it triggered more memories then I'd expected."

Willow perks up at that, curious. "A holo of what?"

"My wife and son."

She freezes for a moment, startled. That's such a personal item that she nearly rethinks her decisions in the hall, nearly makes an excuse and flees before she can embarrass herself.

And yet... he wouldn't have mentioned it if he hadn't meant to.

"Can I see it?" she asks quietly, prepared for him to say no, pleasantly surprised when he types something on his omni and holds his arm over the table so she can see, peering curiously at the image that appears.

A younger version of Thane is in the holo, but it's the woman that grabs her attention; amber skinned and eyes the colour of a sunset, larger frills then any of the male drell she's met.

"Ah." she says softly, catching the hints he's given before, and Thane only nods silently.

Then her eyes shift to the baby in the woman's arms, and an " _Aww_." escapes her before she can help it. "Thane, your son's  _adorable_."

Teal skin with frills nearly the same colour as his fathers, a toddler with a wide grin and little hands clutching his mothers clothes.

"Thank you," he says, and she can hear the pain in the words, buried but still there.

"Thank you for showing me this." Willow sits back in her chair, offering him a smile, "I'm honored."

"Who can one share their memories with, if not their friends?" Thane says, and she ignores the slight pang she feels at the word, noting how his grin becomes a smirk, "Now then, if I may ask; what was all the yelling about?"

"Yelling?"

"I believe I heard Jack screaming profanities, and Miranda and Shepard's voices, as well."

"Ahhh, I'm not really sure, honestly. We  _did_  just come back from blowing up an old Cerberus Facility."

"Oh?" Thane leans forwards on the table, attention centered on her, "I would enjoy hearing of your experience."

So she tells him about the Facility, about the mercs, and wonders.

_Great, I made fun of Arisa and Garrus for being clueless. Now what do **I**  do?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kudos and comments make my day! ♥


	6. Truth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Willow’s been doing her best to avoid Mordin after their ‘talk’, but the salarian’s trickier then he seems; he requests she and Thane’s help on Tuchanka, while Arisa is busy with Grunt.
> 
> Afterwards, Thane gets his own summons from the doctor, and finding Willow collapsed after returning from the Collector Ship leads to discoveries and, maybe, a beginning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey peeps guess what?! Well naw I’m not going to tell you, gotta read the chapter for that! ;D Mordin being a super troll and then feels ahead! 
> 
> Gonna thank @ariannadi for checking this out for me, @kittenkakt for all her support, and @lynngo-art for cheering me on while I wrote this chapter. Enjoy! ♥

_“Willow, meet me in the armory ASAP. Need to talk to you.”_

Arisa’s voice ringing out over the intercom freezes Willow mid step, halfway through the door to life support.

Thane looks up from the datapad he’s reading, expression vaguely amused.

“Everything okay?” Willow calls out, crossing the few steps to the table in order to set down the two mugs she carried.

_“I’ll tell you when you get here.”_

“Alright, be up in a minute.”

The comm closes off, and she gives Thane a wry grin, shrugging, “Sorry, Thane. No coffee date today, I guess.”

He makes a sound that is  _clearly_  amusement, “There is always later, Willow. Do not worry about your mug; I will bring it to the mess with my own.”

“I appreciate that.”

Willow doesn’t push it any further, waving over her shoulder as she heads back out to the elevator and punches the button for the CIC.

She’s been… dropping small hints, lately. Trying to, in their conversations. Just little mentions of interest, different words then she might have used before.

A slightly-flirty tone, here or there, though she’d avoided going  _to_  strong, not wanting to ruin the friendship if the interest was not reciprocated.

Which… she can’t tell if Thane  _is_  interested, or if he’s even noticed her hints.

_Okay, no, he’s noticed, Willow, come on; the man’s the most observant person you’ve ever met._

He’d seemed caught off guard, the first couple of times, she just isn’t sure if he’s actually flirting  _back_ , at all, or if he’s humoring her.

_If it’s the latter, I wish he’d just say something…_

Willow sighs, rolling her shoulders as the elevator stops, heading immediately to the armory.

Arisa’s there - as is  _Garrus_ , huh - and they’re both already armored up, checking over their weapons when she enters.

“Okay, what’s going on?”

“We’ve got a mission.” Arisa holsters her pistol, leaning her hip against the weapons bench, “Two, actually, which is part of why I called you. You know where we’re headed, right?”

“Tuchanka.” Willow rocks onto her heels, head tilted, “To figure out what’s wrong with Grunt, right?” She hadn’t planned on joining the landing party - Tuchanka wasn’t really one of her dream vacation spots - and had intended to spend the day chatting with Thane, trying to decipher what was running through his mind.

“You got it. Needs to be done before he tears the damn ship apart.  _But_ , we have a second mission, now.”

“I’m listening.”

“One of Mordin’s old students is on Tuchanka, and he’s been captured. Mordin  _specifically_  asked to have you and Thane accompany him on this mission.”

_Oh, Mother **fucker**!_

“Seems a little odd,” Willow manages, swallowing back any awkward comments, “Why didn’t he just ask me?”

“Mordin said you’ve been actively avoiding him, so he asked  _me_  to ask  _you_ ,” Arisa crosses her arms, giving her a hard stare through her visor, “Willow. Is there something I should  _know_?”

She debates telling her - just so she can tell  _someone_  - but changes her mind quickly, shaking her head and shrugging, “No, everything’s fine, I just find Mordin a bit… y’know.”

She sees her cousin's lips twitch, and breathes a sigh of relief when she accepts the explanation with a nod. “Alright. We should be on Tuchanka within the hour. Suit up and call your squad; let’s get in and out as quickly as we can.”

“It’ll be good to see Wrex,” Garrus comments, though Willow barely hears him as she types on her omnitool, pinging the two men.

“Yeah, though it’ll be a short visit.”

Mordin pings back a quick  _affirmative_ , while Thane’s response is a quip about  _no time for coffee, after all?_  that makes her smile just a little.

_Okay, suit up, go down, get whatever the mission is over with, continue avoiding Mordin. Alright. You can do this, Willow._

* * *

 

 “Thane, there’s a pyro up ahead; neutralize him before he can get any closer.”

_“Roger.”_

“Mordin, freeze the Trooper sneaking up - Mordin?  _Mordin!_ ”

“Hmm? Ah, on it!”

The salarian pauses his typing and casually tosses a cryo charge, examining his immediate area for threats and then  _going back to typing_.

_I am going to kill him!_

They’d gotten to Tuchanka, gotten intel from Wrex, and headed out; the Blood Pack had holed themselves up in an old hospital, and a truck had taken them out to where they needed to go.

They’d been met with resistance right from the beginning - vorcha and varren, then actual krogan as they moved further into the actual hospital.

And Mordin has been staring at his omnitool the  _entire fucking mission._

_Does he have no self-preservation instincts?! I thought he was in the STG!_

The fact that he hasn’t been shot yet probably attests to that, but still; he’ll throw a grenade or cryo charge on occasion, shoot a varren between the eyes when it gets too close… but otherwise he’s typing and muttering, and she doesn’t know what it’s about but it’s definitely not the mission.

“Mordin!  _GET DOWN!!_  What are you  _doing_?!”

“One moment! Collecting important data!”

“Data for  _what_?!”

Willow is endlessly grateful to have Thane at her back, because she’s not sure she’d have managed to keep the crazy salarian alive as long as they have otherwise.

She’s not even sure where Thane  _is_ ; just that he’s picking off targets with ridiculous accuracy, both with biotics and incredibly precise sniper shots.

He reappears when they enter what looks to be a makeshift lab, the corpses of dead female krogans lying beneath several hospital sheets.

Mordin seems to focus on the mission then, muttering about the methods, the experiments, and Willow catches Thane whispering a prayer for them, giving her a nod when he catches her watching.

They move on, guns at the ready, finding more enemies in the halls below, likely guarding their prisoner.

It’s near the end when it happens - when they’re down to just a few enemies and they grow briefly careless, comfortable in their kills.

Mordin slips and Willow unthinkingly uses charge to knock him back, out of the line of fire - landing herself between two charging krogan.

_Fuck-!_

She clenches her teeth, eyes slamming shut as she throws up a barrier, cursing her own stupidity - and then jumping when there’s a loud  _thump_  on either side of her, eyes snapping open to stare in shock.

Both krogans lay dead on the ground, necks snapped - and Thane stands barely a foot before her, calm and collected, a shadow over his face the only indication of anything out of the ordinary.

_He killed them that easily._  Willow stares for a moment, sucking in a breath,  _I didn’t even **hear**  him - holy shit. That’s… kind of terrifying._

“Willow.” his voice makes her blink, eyes going wide when there’s suddenly a hand on her chin, tilting her head up, “You are unhurt?”

_Holy shit._  She repeats mentally, really only now realizing that he has a good few inches on her, that this close and in this light she can  _see_  the emerald of his eyes, normally hidden in the black. Realizing that the hand now gently tilting her face up had just snapped two krogans necks as easily as snapping twigs.

_Kind of terrifying. And fucking hot. Damn, how messed up is that??_

Willow swallows, tries to find her voice, happy it comes out fairly stable “I’m fine, Thane. Thanks to you, at least.”

Thane scans her face for another moment, as though discerning whether she is telling the truth or not - then nods, releasing her. “Good. If I had been too slow… well. The Gods kept that from happening, today.”

Willow isn’t sure what to say to that, still to startled to really know what to  _think_  - so when Mordin pops up, unharmed, and announces that Maelon is just ahead, she’s more than happy to hear they’re almost done.

Turns out, Maelon’s there of his own free will, and Willow manages to convince Mordin not to kill him, keeping the data just in case. “The Krogan deserve an end to the genophage, one of these days. Might come in handy.”

They get the  _hell_  out of the hospital and Willow spends the entire trip back trying to figure out what to say, but finding herself strangely tonguetied. The fact that Thane has his arms crossed, head tipped back, and eyes shut doesn’t help.  _He looks like he’s meditating_.

They get back to the Urdnot Camp at nearly the same time as Arisa’s group, and the fact that her cousin and her squad all seem to be covered in some sort of…  _slime_ , has Willow breaking her silence.

“What the  _hell_?”

“Thresher Maw.” says Arisa, nose wrinkled.

“ _What_?!”

“Hehehe,” Grunt  _does_  seem slightly calmer, she notes, though just as ready for battle as ever, “We  _killed_  it, to! Glory to Clan Urdnot! Shepard is the  _best_  Battlemaster!”

“I… no, y’know what?” Willow sighs, rubbing at her temple, “I’m not even going to ask, right now. I already have a headache. Can we  _go_?”

“Definitely. I need a  _shower_.”

Arisa makes the call, waves to Wrex, and leads them back towards the shuttle - and Willow can’t find a damn thing to say the whole way back, remembering his hand on her chin and the intense look in his eyes.

* * *

 

 The Normandy sits silent, Crew on alert while the Commander and her squad are on the disabled Collector Ship they’d been sent to investigate, and Thane finds himself irritated that he hadn’t been part of the selected team.

Arisa had taken Garrus, Willow, and Miranda with her, which logically made sense; they should be able to handle whatever the ship threw at them.

He was to used to being on Willow’s team for every mission she led; to used to being at her back, a silent shadow guarding her six, striking down enemies before they could even think to attach.

Tuchanka had tested his patience in the worst way, and he’d snapped at the sight of Willow prone between two krogan, slipping swiftly into battle sleep and awakening only once the enemies were dead on the ground.

He’d reached for her before he could stop himself; hand cupping her jaw to tilt her face up, inspecting for injuries, trauma, any tiny indication that he’d been to slow.

He’d found none; only noticed, instead, how soft her skin was, how wide her blue eyes could go, how  _small_  she truly was next to him, despite her big personality.

His memory slips have been coming fewer and fewer, lately, pushed back by the present, for once enjoying his time - taking pleasure in Willow’s company, strange as their initial meetings had been.

He is drawn to her, in a way he hasn’t felt since Irikah; pulled helplessly in by wit and her humor, her endless energy and sincerity.

_She deserves more than a dying man, even if the interest is reciprocated._

Thane had noticed her hints - he’d have had to be  _blind_  not to - but he'd kept himself from responding, fully, no matter how much he wanted to.

_She deserves better_.

And yet he can’t help reliving that moment, now, waiting anxiously for the squad to return to the Normandy, praying to all of his Gods that she would be safe.

_Krogans on either side, charging._

_Willow trapped between - barrier won’t be enough, not enough time to shoot both._

_Strike to the neck - again, stop the blood rage._

_A loud crack as the neck snaps, then the second._

_Willow stares - blue eyes wide, barrier faltering-_

_I touch her face, tilt her chin “Willow. You are unhurt?”_

_No sign of injury - no blood, no bruises._

_Just soft skin, strong jaw - eyes glued to me, startled,_

_But also-_

_“Thane, if you are unoccupied, please see me in the lab ASAP.”_ Mordin’s voice suddenly snaps him from the memory, making him blink rapidly.

“Of course, Professor.” he says, clearing his throat, pushing back the momentary anger he feels towards the salarian -  _if he hadn’t been messing around, Willow would not have been in danger-_  as he pushes to his feet.

_“Excellent.”_  chimes the doctor’s voice before the intercom goes silent, leaving Thane to make his way up to the lab.

The crew deck is near deserted - everyone is either at their stations or asleep, and the mess is empty - and Thane is quick to step into the elevator, hitting the proper button and waiting.

The CIC is the opposite; every station is manned, quiet murmuring running through the occupants, and no one notices him crossing through to the lab, to concerned with the mission currently taking place.

“Ah, Thane! Welcome!” Mordin practically lights up at the sight of him, quickly abandoning whatever project he’d been working on, “Thank you for coming. Know last mission was rather tedious; would apologize, but data collection was necessary.”

“What can I help you with, Dr. Solus?” Thane takes another step into the room and stops, crossing his arms and watching the salarian closely.

“Was actually hoping to help  _you_ ,” Mordin’s grinning, which has Thane on guard, “Please, have a seat.”

Thane doesn’t move. “I’d prefer to stand, if you don’t mind.”

“Ah, feel safer standing, ready to mobilize if necessary - understandable, if unneeded. Now then.” Mordin sucks in a deep breath, clasps his hands, “Wanted to speak to you about Willow. Specifically,  _relationship_ with Willow.”

Thane prides himself on being calm and controlled, yet he can’t help a slight bristle. “I am unsure as to what you are referring, doctor.”

Mordin just gives him a  _look_ , “Please, Thane, am not  _blind_. Can clearly see attraction between you - affectionate physical motions, specific language, immediate reaction to desired mates proximity to mortal danger - and no, before you ask, did  _not_  purposely put Willow in danger in order to gauge reaction. Foolish miscalculation, on my part - glad things turned out well.”

Thane takes a moment to breathe -  _that answers one of my questions, at least_  - before focusing his gaze again on the waiting salarian, staring him down. “Doctor-patient confidentiality?”

“Of course.”

“I will not lie, Willow Shepard is a fascinating woman. Were circumstances different, I would be more adamant in pressing my interest. However, things being how they are, it would be unwise to pursue a relationship with her.”

He’s aware he sounds cold, calculated and detached - but it’s the only way he can keep those riotous emotions in check, the only reason he’s kept himself from reaching for her the past few weeks.

_I’ve slipped once,_  he scowls, thinking of Tuchanka, her soft skin beneath his palm,  _I cannot allow it to happen again._

“Ah, worried about drell-human relationship! Understandable, but! There are ways to make it work!” Mordin doesn’t seem to have caught his meaning - if anything the salarian seems even  _more_  excited, typing away at his omnitool, “Must be cautious, yes - prolonged skin-to-skin contact  _may_  produce itchy rash, varies between humans, and drell saliva can cause mild hallucinations - minor dizziness in some situations.  _But!_  Species sexually compatible, physically similar - though must warn, human males do not possess a  _sheathe_ , might be best to warn Willow of this beforehand. I have sent her diagrams, but doubt she will look at them unless provoked-”

“You sent Willow diagrams of drell physiology?” Thane can’t even help the surprise in his voice, brow ridges lifting as high as they can go. (He’s still processing everything the salarian’s been babbling about, and can’t even find it in himself to be guilty about the images his brain is producing in response - especially the ones provoked by the thought of his saliva being a possible intoxicant…)

“Of course! Already called her in for talk. Denied, denied,  _denied_ , of course, but could read increased heart rate, see visible blush - interest is most  _definitely_  reciprocated!”

“Mordin.” Thane stops the salarian with his name, pushing the thoughts away almost angrily, “Our differing species is  _not_  what concerns me. It is unfair to pursue a relationship with Willow when I will be leaving her in a year, perhaps two. She deserves a lover with more to offer then a handful of memories.”  _No matter how sweet I would strive to make those memories_.

Instead of the rambling response he’d expected, Mordin just  _stops_.

Blinks once, then again, as though realizing something, “ _Ah_. Miscalculation. Had assumed you knew…” Mordin's mouth nearly snaps shut, the salarian turning to his work station, muttering, “Never mind, not my place. Apologies for being misinformed.”

Thane’s stalking him before he’s even registered the action, standing over him with a glare that’s opened many a hit’s mouths, “You assumed I knew  _what_ , exactly?”

“Thane, please!” Mordin puts his hands up, actually looking  _distraught_ , “Doctor-patient confidentiality! Cannot provide patient information without that patient's  _permission_! Best to ask Willow! Actually, not surprised she hasn’t told you; does not seem to tell  _anyone_.”

Thane’s instinct is to wrap his hand around the salarians throat and squeeze until he answers his questions; instead, he backs up a step, still glaring. “Fine. Do you know when we can expect the squad to return from the Collector Ship?”

“Squad returned roughly twenty minutes ago, actually.” Mordin types something on his omnitool, and Thane’s pings a moment later, “Had omni set to signal when Commander arrived back on board; believe Willow headed to the mess. And, just in case - have sent intended reading material to your omni. Please let me know if any other help is required.”

Thane gives a harsh nod and turns on his heel, silently striding out of the lab and through the now quiet CIC to the elevator.

He reaches the Crew Deck and knows immediately that something is wrong.

The lights are on as they always are, but there’s no voices or footsteps or any sort of noise, since everyone is still at their posts or sleeping, yet something makes chills run up his spine.

_Mordin said Willow had headed to the mess… she should be here. Where…?_

Thane comes around the wall and moves slowly through the area, eyes sweeping every inch of space - the Med Bay’s shutters are drawn as they always are at this time, the chairs all tucked in, not a thing out of place-

_Wait_. he freezes, listening, catching the faintest hint of  _something_.

_Breathing. Staggered, to shallow, almost gasps. Where-_

He’s moving the moment his gaze lands on the small counters opposite the Med Bay - rather, on the feet he can now see sticking out from behind them.

Thane’s cursing the moment he’s around the counters, fear realized - Willow’s unconscious, breathing haggard, expression one of agonized pain.

“ _Arashu_ , I beg you,  _please_.” he’s bending and lifting her as gently as he can - cradling her limp body against his chest, startled by how pale she looks, by how small she suddenly seems, “Willow, Siha,  _hold on_.”

His feet carry him through the Med Bay doors without a seconds hesitation and Dr. Chakwas jolts up from her computer, clearly having been busy writing a report.

Her focus is immediately on Willow, and to his surprise she only sighs knowingly and stands, motioning him to a nearby bed. “Oh, Willow, you silly thing. Here, Thane, lay her down here. Where did you find her?”

“Behind the mess counters, collapsed.” Thane does as told, laying her down and then forcing himself to sit on the bed next to hers, to  _not_  hover over her, “Doctor Chakwas, forgive me. What’s happened to her?”

“I suspect the trip to the Collector Ship was a tad more exciting than any of them expected, and that Willow pushed herself to hard.” when he glances over, Chakwas only shakes her head, “I am sorry, Thane, but any more then that is not my business to tell. She should wake up soon; you can ask her, then.”

“This… has happened before?”

“Many times, I’m afraid. Don’t worry, she’ll be alright.”

Thane’s not sure how much time passes as he sits there, watching over Willow’s still form and praying to all of his Gods,  _pleading_  for her to awaken.

_You must maintain your distance, once she awakens,_  he tells himself, scowling,  _Both Mordin and Chakwas know about this. You must ask her for an explanation yourself._

“Ah, she’s about to wake up - you may want to step back, Thane.”

That’s all the warning Thane gets before there’s suddenly a small biotic wave bursting out of Willow as she comes gasping awake, jolting up and nearly tumbling off the bed - barely catching herself with a death grip on the edge of the bed.

“Willow-”

“ _Don’t. Touch me._ ” she grits out, voice a pained rasp through clenched teeth, “Or it’ll-”

She gasps again, the energy collapsing back into her skin, and she hangs her head, panting, leaving him staring at her in shocked confusion.

“You’d have been shocked, had you touched her,” Chakwas tells him gently, crossing her arms and giving the panting woman an unimpressed look, “You overtaxed your biotics, didn’t you?”

“ _Husks_.” Willow manages to pant, though Thane notices her voice sounds less strangled this time, and that her skin seems to be regaining some colour, “A  _swarm_  of them, suddenly - we didn’t know they were there, ran  _straight_  into them. Had to-”

“Alright, I get the gist. But you  _know_  how bad you get afterwards. You’re staying in the Med Bay overnight.”

“Yes, ma’am.” she grumbles, and that  _definitely_  sounds more like the Willow he knows.

“I’m going to go make myself a tea,” Chakwas steps away, “In the meantime,  _you_  owe Mr. Krios an explanation, I believe.”

Willow says nothing, and the doctor spares him a brief nod before exiting the room, the door shutting and leaving the two of them alone.

Thane returns to his seat on the bed opposite her, patient now that he knows she’s alright, attention focused entirely on her.

Finally, she seems to have come back to herself, lifting her head and grimacing, running a hand through her hair. “Thane. I’m sorry if I startled you. I didn’t think it’d be  _that_  bad, this time.”

“Willow.” he wants to reach for her - prove to himself that she’s awake, and here, alive - but he holds himself back, needing to know, “What happened?”

“Hmm. How do I explain…” she runs her hand through her hair again, toying with several pieces, staring at it for a moment as though deciding what to say. Then, finally, she blows out a breath and tips her head back, staring at the ceiling. “I guess…”

Another sigh, then “You’re not the only one on the Normandy who’s living on borrowed time, Thane.”

A breath passes. Another.

Then Thane catches her meaning, and his heart stops, breath catching.

_“What?_ ” he manages after a moment, finesse gone in the wake of the startled realization.

Willow keeps her gaze on the ceiling, kicking her feet back and forth. “I have AEND, a rare neurodegenerative disorder with no known cure. It’s terminal.”

“AEND.” Thane repeats, mind caught on  _terminal, no cure_.

“I’m only the second person to have been diagnosed - the other wasn’t a biotic, and I  _think_  she’s passed, now, but don’t quote me on that. Being biotic means I can Mask my symptoms, most of the time.” Willow sighs, rolls her head to the side to look at him, giving a humorless grin, “Unless I use my reserves - which I did today - and then I collapse, briefly, until they restore themselves.”

“How long?”

“I was given ten years when I was diagnosed - which was not to long before you and I first met, honestly. Yet another reason my life was a mess. That was, hmm… getting close to three or so years ago, now. About seven and a half years, give or take?”

“We have spoken at length about my own illness,” Thane isn’t angry, can’t find it in himself to be angry when he’s so damned  _happy_  she’s still alive, “Why did you not tell me of yours?”

“I don’t want pity.” she says immediately, shrugging helplessly, “I just… don’t  _tell_  people, Thane. Arisa’s family, and I’ve known Garrus for years - that’s the only reason  _they_  know.”

“What about Mordin?”

Willow snorts, “Mordin  _scanned me_  the first time we met. I didn’t have the chance to stop him - wait.” she pauses, straightens with a frown, “How do you know that  _Mordin_  knows?”

“It’s not important.” there’s a decision to be made here, he knows - one that he’d made the moment he’d found her collapsed, if he’s honest with himself, “Thank you for trusting me with this, Siha. And I would never pity you - your illness only makes you even more ferocious.”

“Heh, thanks, Thane. I think my translator glitched there, though; what did you just call me?”

Thane smiles; a secretive smile, playing on the edge of flirting that he’s held back from for so long, and stands. “I’ll tell you another day. For now, you should rest; we can talk once you’ve recovered.”

“Honestly, Thane, I’m fine-”

He quiets her with a hand on her chin, tilting her face up as he bends down - pressing cool lips to her forehead and feeling her still in his grasp, pulling back just as quickly, “ _Rest_ , Siha. Tomorrow is another day.”

Thane releases her and turns away, passing Chakwas and bidding her goodnight.

He can’t quite help the smirk that forms when he glances over his shoulder and sees her staring after him with wide eyes, one hand touching where he’d kissed her, cheeks flushed brilliant red.

_Funny,_  he muses, silently making his way back to life support,  _How I should awaken now, so close to the end. And yet she is worth every moment._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kudos and comments (especially comments) make my day! :D ♥


	7. Loyalties

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They handle Morinth, and then Thane makes a request - but he asks Arisa, not Willow.
> 
> It hurts, despite understanding his reasons, yet she helps him anyways, wondering more and more where they stand.
> 
> Then Mordin calls an unnecessary meeting, and an invitation goes out: they’ve got a Ball to attend, if only they can stop being awkward.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I AM BAD AT SUMMARIES and also THIS CHAPTER IS HELLA LONG OOPS.
> 
> Covers Thanes loyalty mission, very vaguely Samara and Garrus’ loyalty missions... and then has the girls drinking and wondering why they suck at relationships, and Mordin being Mordin. You’ll see. Meep. Enjoy?

Their next stop is Omega - tracking Samara's daughter, the Ardat Yakshi she's been hunting for centuries. Both Arisa and Willow as asked for help - two lures are better than one, after all.

"Your morals are similar, but your personalities are  _vastly_  different; if one is not to her liking, the other surely will be."

Thane wasn't happy about it - his eyes had narrowed when she'd given him details, just before setting out, lips set in a firm line. He hadn't tried to dissuade her, however - they were still tip-toeing around each other, slightly, despite the moment in the Med Bay, the thought of which still made her flush - had only given her pointers on what to look for, ways to deflect hidden blows, and then asked her to be cautious.

Going by the unhappy expression Garrus wore when he saw their group off at the airlock, he was no happier about Arisa going.

Overall, the mission was simple, and it went as planned; Morinth chose Willow, lead her back to her apartment, and then Samara took over, Arisa jumping in as backup when called for.

Easy and quick, a simple mission... and one that left Willow desperately wanting a shower, skin crawling from the asari's touch.

Willow heads for said shower while Arisa goes down to the battery, given a note from Kelly that Garrus had wanted to see her.

It's a quick shower, scalding hot and leaving her skin red and tender - but it helps her feel clean again, and she pulls on some leggings and a tank top and nearly  _hums_  as she takes the elevator, looking forwards to some time with Thane after the strange mission.

She's really,  _really_  not sure where they stand, now - he'd thrown her entirely off balance when he'd kissed her forehead, that night, and he had  _seemed_  to be flirting back since then, but...

_Never thought of myself as a coward, but considering I can't manage to make myself **ask**  him anything... fuck._

"Oh, Willow; headed for life support?"

Willow blinks in surprise, meeting Arisa's amused stare from outside the elevators open doors.

_Oops_.

"You caught me." she jokes, stepping out with a shrug, "Everything okay with Garrus?"

"Yes... and no." Arisa's lips twist in a frown, "He got a hit on Sidonis, the man who betrayed his squad. He wants to go after him."

"Understandable. Where are we headed?" she knows her cousin well enough that she knows she would  _never_  say no to helping Garrus, no matter what the mission.

"The Citadel - I already had Joker plot a course. Better to take care of this now." Arisa pauses, sighs, rubs at her arms in a way that surprises Willow, "He seems...  _off_. Obsessed. I don't like it. I'm hoping taking care of Sidonis will help him get past what happened, but..."

"...but?"

Arisa only shrugs again, "I don't know. We'll see what happens. I'll probably bring Miranda with us - need another cool head on the scene to analyse. No offence."

Willow snorts, "None taken, 'Risa, geez. You headed up now?"

"Ah, no, actually. Thane just pinged me that he wanted to talk to me." the redheads brows lift now, "Any idea what it's about?"

Willow blinks. "Uh, no. I have no idea. I haven't talked to him since before we went after Morinth."

"Hmm, okay. He normally just reports through mails or talks to you." her cousin frowns, shrugs again, "Well, we're both here, you'd may as well come with me. Gods know you  _know_  the man better than I do."

Willow nods, following after Arisa and swallowing a strange lump when her cousin passes through the doors, noting that it feels... odd, for someone else to be in the space.

_You have no claim on him, Willow, stop it - it's not like Arisa's interested._

Thane is standing when they enter, facing the wall where he's stored his guns, hands folded behind his back as they often are.

"Commander," he greets - then hesitates when he turns, eyes flickering to where she stands behind her cousin, "Willow. The mission went well?"

"Fine." she responds, hanging back by the door and leaning against the wall with her arms crossed - a stance close to the one she'd taken, that first day he'd been on the ship.

"This is the first time you've called for me in person, Thane," Arisa takes control of the conversation, settling into military rest, "Is everything alright?"

"Yes. And no. My mortality has me dwelling on things, and I've received... rather unwelcome news. I have a personal favor to ask, but did not wish it to disrupt the mission; hence my request to speak to you in person."

"Of course, Thane. I have no problems helping my crew. What's happened?"

"I received a message from an old contact that my son has gone to the Citadel - it seems as though he's been hired to perform a hit." Thane's gaze drifts off for a moment, mouth turning down, "Kolyat is not an assassin. I do not know  _why_  he has gone to the Citadel, or why he has taken such a job, but I must stop him. If it is not too much trouble, or to out of the way, I should like to take care of this personally, Shepard."

_Wait, what??_

"That's fine; we're headed to the Citadel next anyways, I have something I need to help Garrus with. I'll let you know when we dock."

"My thanks, Shepard."

Arisa nods to Thane and turns, giving Willow a look on her way out. The door slides shut behind her, and they fall into an awkward silence - Thane staring at his collection, Willow staring at Thane.

Finally, she asks, "How old is your son?"

"Eighteen, this year."

"So, Irikah died...?"

"Ten years ago, yes. I suppose we never went over specifics." Thane takes a breath, eyes closing, "When my wife departed from her body, I...  _attended_  to that issue. I left Kolyat in the care of his aunts and uncles. I have not seen him, or  _talked_  to him, since."

Willow remembers the holo of his family - how  _young_  and carefree they'd all seemed - and says "That's not the decision I'd have expected. Why didn't you raise him?"

Thane chuckles humorlessly, eyes slipping open to stare once more at the guns, "My body is blessed with the skills to  _take_  life. The hanar honed them in me. I have few others. I didn't  _want_  that path for Kolyat - I'd hoped he would find his own way. If he hated me... so be it. He would not have shared the path of sin."

_Bullshit, you have plenty of skills._  she bites the words back, though, because she's realizing that there are layers to this man she hasn't seen.

Unaware of her thoughts, Thane continues, "My contacts have kept an eye on him over the years, and this news is troubling. He has become... disconnected. He does what his body wills."

"Say again? Disconnected?"

"Yes. The body is not our true self. The soul is. Only together do they form a Whole Person. When the soul is weakened by despair or fear - when the body is ill or injured, they become Disconnected. No longer Whole."

Willow blows out a breath, forces herself to push off from the wall and starts pacing, needing to move. "So what's happened? If he hasn't seen you in ten years, does he know what you've done?"

"He did not - until now. Something happened that should not have, and he knows where I've been. I don't know his reasons for going to the Citadel, or for accepting such a job, but I need to stop him. This... is not a path he should walk."

Willow catches a flicker of movement from her peripheral before Thane's in front of her, suddenly, halting her pacing with his presence, forcing her to look him in the eye.

"Siha," he says, the strange word still causing tingles down her spine, "I would like your help to stop him."

"Then why did you call Arisa instead of me?" she blurts, unable to help it, still confused and upset by the fact.

Thane blinks, almost startled, "Shepard is the Commander of this ship, Willow. She decides where it goes. I had planned to ask for your help regardless, once she had given the okay."

She steps around him and walks to the wall, staring at the weapons, trying to organize her thoughts. "Okay. Why would someone hire him? You don't hire a rookie hitman."

"I fear someone saw we shared a name and assumed we shared skills. My question is  _why_  he would accept the task."

"To be  _closer_  to you, maybe, if he knows what you've done?"

"That thought haunts me more than any other." Thane admits, and the sorrow in his voice softens her anger somewhat, though the edge clings on.

"Okay, fine, but why do you need  _my_  help? We both know I suck at quiet stealth - I'm the loudmouth of the squad, remember?"

"I don't need your help," he corrects, and she feels him step up beside her, hears the tension in his dual voice, "I  _want_  it. The last time I saw my son-"

Thane sucks in a breath, and Willow turns to watch as he slips into the memory, always slightly startled by the change.

"They wrapped her body in sea-vines.

Weighted it with stones.

He tries to pull from me.

Calls for her.

The hanar lift her off the platform.

They sing like bells.

'The fire has gone to be kindled anew.'

He begs them not to take her away.

They let her body slide into the water.

He hits me.

'Don't let them! Stop them! Why weren't you-?'

It rains.

It always rains on Kahje.

Warm water pours down his face."

He comes back to himself with a slow blink and a deep, quiet breath, and Willow stops herself from reaching for him.

_He's had a life, he has a son... where do we stand, Thane? What is it you want?_

"I didn't mean to make you relive that." she says instead, voice quiet.

"Perfect memory." he says back, "It is, sometimes, a burden."

"We'll stop him, Thane." she says, because she's not sure what else to say, "Joker's already set course for the Citadel. I'll ping you once we've docked."

"Thank you, Siha. Maybe once this is done, we can discuss your last mission - I am, truly, glad to see you are alright."

He reaches out as though to brush her bangs back and Willow shies away, to conflicted to allow the contact right now.

"Talk to you later, Thane." she mumbles, turning to flee the room - and trying to pretend she doesn't see the hurt on his face before the door closes.

* * *

 

 They dock at the Citadel roughly four hours later, and Willow accompanies Arisa to the armory to get ready.

Her cousin knows something's off, but also knows better than to ask; only gives her shoulder a quick squeeze before they're pulling on armor, a silent  _I'm here if you need to talk but I won't force you_.

Willow knows she reacted harshly, but in the moment she'd been to confused, to anxious and upset to think clearly.

_I'll apologize later_. she tells herself, sliding her visor on and activating it's readouts just as the rest of the teams file in.

Garrus is already armored up and ready, and she wonders if he's been geared up since Arisa agreed to help with his mission. Miranda quietly suits up, shooting the turian a questioning glance but otherwise saying little.

Thane doesn't say a word when he enters - only checks his armor and his weapons, runs a quick check on his omni - but she can feel his presence and knows he's watching her, keeping her gaze purposefully averted.

Finally, they're all ready to go, and Arisa gives the signal, leading them out onto the station.

They split off just after the main security gate, and Willow watches the other team walk away for a moment, hoping they can catch Garrus' betrayer before he slips away again.

Then, she rolls her shoulders, forcing herself to face Thane. "Let's start with C-Sec; everyone that comes to the Citadel has to pass through certain security measures. If he's in Zakera Ward, Bailey will know."

Thane nods, dark eyes watching, and she turns to head immediately for the C-Sec head, managing a grin when he looks up and spots her.

"Willow! Back again, huh? Glad to see you're still in one piece." Bailey's grinning as she approaches, though the expression slips a little when he spots Thane, "Something I can help you two with? I take it this isn't a social call."

"Unfortunately not, Bailey. My friend here is trying to find his son," Willow nods to Thane, quirking her lips, "We think a local criminal may have hired him."

"Well, should be easy to spot, we don't see many drell here." Bailey  _hmms_ , gaze returning to his computer as he types, scrolling through several pages before stopping, "There we go, one of my men reported a drell recently... and he was talking to  _Mouse_. Interesting."

"Mouse?" Thane echoes, and Willow can hear surprise in his voice.

She can't help sounding surprised, herself, "Wait, Bailey,  _that_  Mouse? The former duct rat?"

"Got it in one, Willow." Bailey confirms, turning to Thane, " _Probably_  not the one who hired your boy, but a messenger."

"He still work outside that public terminal upstairs? Near the Dark Star?"

"Yup, he's still there. This time of the night, he should  _definitely_  be hanging out there, so you shouldn't have any issues finding him. Oh, and," Bailey leans on his desk, smirking suddenly, "He was selling illegal VI's of Commander Shepard. You  _may_  want to talk to him about that."

"Ugh, really? I'll talk to him about it."

"You do that." Bailey's attention turns to Thane again, "Sounds like your boys running with the wrong crowd."

The drell nods, "Yes, I agree."

"If Mouse can't get you in touch with your son directly, he'll know who can. I'll help you if you need it."

"What, Bailey, afraid my skills have gotten rusty?" Willow jokes.

"Willow, you started C-Sec just after me; you've seen how many kids turn to crime because they've got no other choice. Because their parents don't care. At least your friend is trying to  _save_  his."

"To true; we'd better hurry. Thanks, Bailey."

The Captain nods, and Willow immediately leads the way out of the C-Sec office, stopped by Thane grabbing her arm once they're out of earshot.

"You didn't tell him Kolyat plans to assassinate someone." he says, not questioning, and Willow shakes her head.

"He's a cop, so you know he'd try to stop him - possibly ending with one or both of them dead." she sighs, runs a hand through her hair, "Besides, Bailey trusts me, and I know this part of the station better than anyone else on the crew - except maybe Garrus - he knows I can handle it. The less people we involve, the better."

Thane is silent for a moment, watching her, before he nods, voice curious, "You are right, of course. Forgive me, Willow, it did not occur to me that your past in C-Sec would allow you more freedom on the station."

She snorts, waving for him to follow her, "Glad you brought me, now?"

"You are the only person I would want at my side for this, Siha." he says seriously, and her mouth snaps shut, a startled flush fighting its way to her face.

Willow forces her gaze forwards and marches onwards, his quiet chuckle behind her making the flush worsen briefly as they head upstairs, the pounding base of the Dark Star lounge sounding ahead.

Mouse is exactly where Bailey had said he'd be, his back to them and a datapad in his hand, talking to a client on his ear piece as they approach.

"Yeah. Sure, I can get you two cases by the end of the day. Just gotta - woah!" Mouse jumps when he spots them, dropping his datapad in surprise, "Krios! I thought you  _retired_? And  _Shepard_ , I thought you were  _dead_  - haven't seen you in months!"

Thane's voice drops into the register Willow recognizes as calming, disarming, as he reaches out, setting a hand gently on the younger mans arm, "Be still, Mouse. You can change your pants in a moment."

"Wait... you know each other?"

"Krios? He didn't...?" Mouse's eyes dart to the drell, startled, "Uh. If he didn't say nothing, I ain't either."

"When we heard the name, I didn't think it could be the same Mouse." Thane explains, "He was a contact on the Citadel when I was active. He and some other children would gather information on my targets."

Willow rubs at her forehead, frowning, "You put  _children_  in danger to spy for you, Thane?"

Thane only nods. "Children, the poor. My people's word for their kind is 'drala'fa': the ignored. They're everywhere, see everything. Yet they are never seen."

Something shifts then, and he has Mouse by his collar before she even sees him move, backing him up against the wall. "You gave another drell instructions for an assassination. Who's the target?"

"I-I don't know. I didn't ask! Cause the people I work for? They can make me disappear  _real_  quick!" he stumbles when Thane releases him, looking upset, "I'd like to help you, Krios. You always done right by us. But I ain't gonna  _die_  for you."

"Look," Willow cuts in, stepping closer, "You know Thane, and you know  _me_. He wouldn't ask if it wasn't important, and I'll make sure no one knows you helped us."

"Mouse, we swear that you won't be named."

"Alright, alright," he hunches down, glances around briefly, then "He came with that holo you took of me. Said he wanted a job. I ran through your old contacts to see who might give him a shot. The guy who offered was Elias Kelham."

"Kelham." Willow repeats the name, rolls it around with a frown, "That sounds familiar."

"Probably heard of him, Shepard. He was little people when you were here, Krios - human, moved here ten years ago. Got big after the Geth atttack; took over after all the big guys got cacked. Now he runs the rackets on the lower end of the ward.  _Seriously_  bad news."

"Thanks Mouse." Willow pauses, grins, "Oh, one more thing. Those Shepard VI's?"

"Oh,  _shit_ -"

"Fuck, kid,  _relax_ , just stop selling them. Arisa's back, if you haven't heard the news; no more."

"Yes, ma'am, sorry, ma'am. Can I go now?"

Willow shoots Thane a look, and he nods, "Take care, Mouse. Stay out of trouble."

"You to, Krios. Shepard."

She steps back to let him pass, watching for a moment before turning to Thane, "You alright?"

"Mouse knew more about my life than Kolyat ever did," he admits, looking down, slipping into another memory-

"He smiles up at me, broken teeth and scabby knees.

Bare feet black.

A dead-end future looking up at me.

Worshiping the petty gifts I offer."

A breath, and he's back to the present, "I was the only good thing he had, back then. But I left him, as I left Kolyat."

"Don't blame yourself." she murmurs, thinking of the holo on his omni - of Irikah and baby Kolyat, a physical memento he's kept despite his perfect memory, the same as the holo of Mouse.

"If I don't, who will?" he responds, already moving past her, "We must carry the weight of our decisions, Willow. Now, we have a lead to follow."

"Back to Bailey." she agrees, blowing out a breath and following, heading back to C-Sec.

Bailey looks up as they approach, fingers halting on his keys, "Welcome back. Did you get a name from Mouse?"

"We did. Elias Kelham."

"Kelham?  _Shit_." Bailey curses, sighing at Willow's questioning look, "Ah, look, this is awkward. Kelham and I have a... an agreement. He doesn't cause to much trouble, and buys tickets to the C-Sec charity ball from me. In return... I ignore him."

Willow  _stares_. " _Bailey_. You're accepting  _bribes_? Seriously?"

"Hey, it's helped keep peace in some rough times, alright? But I said I'd help. I just need to handle it properly. I'll get some of my people to bring him in and set him up in a private room. You can interrogate him yourself."

"You think that'll work?"

"I'll stay out of sight. If I'm lucky, Kelham will believe that I had nothing to do with it."

Willow crosses her arms, thinking.  _Maybe..._

"I think I can keep suspicion off you. Bring him in; we're working with limited time, here."

"I'll make it happen. Wait here."

"You sound as though you have a plan, Siha." Thane's voice is quiet but curious, eyes locked on Bailey as he heads off to make the call.

"You wouldn't believe how many times I've been mistaken for Arisa," Willow glances around before looking at him, smirking a little, "Especially since she died. Even had a few people screaming about  _ghosts_ , the first year or so. It helps that we're similar builds, wear similar armor, both use biotics... and Arisa's hair used to be  _longer_  than mine, so it's not hard to mix us up, if you've never met either of us. Visors hide eye colour, to, and I can mimic her, when I have to."

"So what you're saying..."

"I've never met Kelham, and I'll bet he's never seen Arisa in person. Who's going to argue with a Spectre?"

"Sneaky woman," Thane returns the smirk, a sort of awe in his gaze, "I like it. I'll allow you to handle the interrogation, then, so as not to interfere with your plan."

"Alright, you two, you're up!" Bailey reappears, jerking his thumb over his shoulder, "He's in the middle cell - be quick, though. He'll expect me to get him out of this, and his lawyers already on the way."

They share a nod and head for the cell, and Willow leads the way in, staring down the man strapped to the chair.

Elias is already rambling, clearly pissed off to be brought in by C-Sec, "What the hell is going on? Where the hell is Bailey?"

"Bailey has nothing to do with this." Willow says calmly, stepping up beside the chair as Thane circles around behind it, keeping her voice steady, "We just need a few answers."

"I ain't telling you  _nothing_. Who the hell  _are_  you?"

Willow lets her lips curl in a smirk, voice a near purr "Ever heard of Commander Shepard?"

As she'd expected, his expression falls, " _Shepard_? But - But I heard you were dead!"

"I am very much  _alive_ , Elias." she leans in, grabbing his chin and jerking his head towards her, letting her biotics flare a little so he can feel the sting against his skin, "And I need you to answer a question for me."

"M-my lawyer-"

"Can't do a  _damn_  thing. I'm a  _Spectre_ , Elias. I can and will do whatever I want, and no one can stop me. So I ask again." she grips him harder, grin downright predatory, " _will you answer my question?_ "

"Ask!" he gasps, fear in his voice, "Just don't fucking hurt me!"

"You hired a drell to perform a hit for you. Who's the target?"

"Joram Talid." he spits, groaning when she releases her vice grip, "Turian running for office on the Zakera Ward. He messes with legitimate businessmen.  _I'm_  gonna stop it."

"Where and when?" Thane asks, and Elias jolts, as though he'd forgotten he was there.

"His apartment. The 800 blocks. You better hurry-"

His lawyers there, then, but Willow doesn't care; they've got what they wanted and they head out, ignoring everything on their way to Bailey - back by his desk in an attempt to seem neutral.

"Nicely done, Siha," Thane murmurs as they walk, voice rumbling with an almost purr, "You are ever more impressive."

Willow only smirks, trying to hide the flush rising, reminding herself that  _now is not the time and you still need to talk._

Bailey's on his feet the moment he spots them, "What's the story? Why did Kelham hire the boy?"

Now's not the time for pinching details. "Assassination. A turian named Joram Talid. You know him?"

"Joram? Yeah. You might have seen his posters around. He's promising to end organized crime on the ward. Thing is, his message is all mixed up in race-politics. He's anti-human."

Any other day, Willow might have something to say about that. As it stands, they're already running out of time.

"Bailey, we need to  _stop_  this assassination. Can you get us to the 800 blocks?"

Bailey nods, turning to bark orders at a nearby officer, "Sergeant! Get a patrol car. These two need to get to the 800 blocks."

The woman's off running with a quick 'Yes, sir!', and after a shared nod they move to follow, urgency pushing them forwards.

"We'll get there, Thane." she promises, though his only response is a nod.

* * *

 

 Finding Joram is easy enough - he's out mingling with potential voters, accompanied by an easy to spot krogan bodyguard.

As per Thane's request, Willow is up on the catwalks, trailing silently and keeping a close eye on the target, updating Thane every time he stops - Thane himself is somewhere in the shadows, close by but invisible, and she forces herself to stay focused.

_'No sign of Kolyat,'_  she reports, cursing when a worker stops her in a storage room, claiming briefly to be from the health department and then dashing out through the other side - just in time to see a teal skinned drell pop out behind Talid, pulling a gun from under his coat.

" _Kolyat!"_ his name comes out as a shout, working as intended - the drell spins in surprise, as do his targets.

He downs the krogan before she can get close, chasing Talid inside, and Willow's running and vaulting down to the main level even as she spots Thane closing in from behind, "Thane?!"

"I saw."

"He's heading to Talid's apartment!"

Thane grunts, and then it's a mad dash inside, bursting in to the room with her pistol drawn and ready, praying like hell she won't need to use it.

Kolyat has Talid knelt before him, gun aimed at his head, his expression is stark  _anger_  - his face so similar to his father's she almost falters, shaking her head and snapping herself back into the moment when Thane steps up beside her and says "Kolyat."

"This - this is a  _joke_." the younger drell growls, "Now?  _Now_  you show up?"

Talid mutters something about  _help_  and then Bailey's there with another officer and  _fuck_ , this is just going to get messy.

"Put the gun down, son."

"Get out of my way. I'm walking out,  _he's_  coming with me."

"They'll have snipers outside." she hears Thane warn, but Willow's not paying attention, looking for a way to distract him, to get the gun off Talid -  _the lamp could_ -

"I don't  _need_  your help-!"

Willow fires and the lamp shatters; Kolyat jumps in surprise, giving her enough time to cross the distance and land a hit square to his jaw - it's not enough force to break anything and she'll apologize later, maybe, but she'd had to do  _something_.

Kolyat reels back, dropping the gun and clutching his face, and Willow kicks the gun out of reach before he can go for it again.

C-Sec gets Talid out of the room and she hears something about  _Take the boy into custody_ , but her full attention is on Kolyat when he spits insults at his father, turning and getting  _right_  in his face.

"Your father is  _dying_." she growls, staring him down, "He's trying to make up for his mistakes, while he has time."

"What, so you came to get my forgiveness? So you can die in peace or something?" he says, and Willow forces herself to step back and move away, or else she'll end up punching the kid again.

Thane moves in, in her stead, and she listens silently, staring out the window in an attempt to give them  _some_  privacy. "I came to grant  _you_  peace. You're angry because I wasn't there when your mother died."

"You weren't there when she was alive! Why should you be there when she died?"

"Your mother... they killed her to get to me. It was my fault."

" _What_?"

"After her body was given to the deep, I went to find them. The trigger men. The ringleaders." Thane sounds so sad it hurts her to listen, must hurt him to talk about, "I hurt them. Eventually killed them. When I went back to see you, you were... older. I should have  _stayed_  with you."

"I guess it's too bad for me you waited so long, huh?" Kolyat's voice is bitter, aggrieved - and she can't even blame him, really.

Thane pauses, then, and Willow finds herself turning to look, caught by the open expression on his face.

"Kolyat. I've taken many bad things out of the world.  _You're_  the only good thing I ever added to it."

Willow sees wet on Kolyats cheeks and immediately crosses to Bailey, muttering, "Can we get them a room back at the station, let them talk for a while? I don't think this is something we should be listening to."

To her surprise, he nods and turns to his men, "Boys, take Kolyat and his father back to the precinct. Give them a room and as much time as they need."

"Thank you." she says, because she's not sure what  _else_  to say.

"You think he's the only man who's ever screwed up raising a son?" Bailey asks, gaze distant for a moment, "I've gotta get back. Come on, I'll give you a lift; you can meet up with them there."

Willow nods, glances back at the two drell once, then follows Bailey out, hoping they'll be alright.

_They need some time alone. Hopefully, this means Thane still has a family._

_...but where does that leave me?_

* * *

 

 Willow's not entirely sure how long Thane and Kolyat are locked in that room together, but she doesn't question it or intend to rush them; they have a lot to talk about, and she's the last person to deny Thane the chance to reconcile with his son.

She's kept herself as busy as possible - pacing, catching up with local news, popping out to Zakera Cafe to grab a coffee when the pacing starts to annoy the officers (she brings Thane one back, but it's long since gone cold).

Bailey catches her attention after a while, mentioning a number of assassinations that had happened ten years ago - bad people who'd needed to be put down, someone cleaning house - where the prime suspect had been a drell.

Willow's quick to shut down that train of thought "Let's leave the past where it is, okay? Ten years is a long time. Whoever was responsible probably doesn't exist anymore."

"Yeah, you're right. There's also the matter of what to do with Kolyat..."

"Give him community service," she answers, shrugging, "Bailey, only a few of us know what happened, and he didn't make the kill - give him some work. Keep him busy. Maybe, down the road, he'll be fit for C-Sec proper."

"An interesting thought. You sure this doesn't have anything to do with keeping him close by for your  _friend_?"

Willow's eyes narrow, and her old boss laughs. "Oh, come on, Willow, I've gotta rib you a little.  _Two years_  we worked together, and you never  _once_  mentioned a date, or a partner, or anything.  _This_  time it's obvious."

"Great." she mutters, nearly spinning around at the sound of a door.

Thane steps out and glances around, heading in their direction when he spot's her. He still looks stressed, but not nearly as depressed, she's happy to note.

"How'd it go?" she questions softly.

Thane winces. "Our problems...they aren't something I can fix with a few words. We'll keep talking, see what happens."

"Sounds like a plan. In the meantime, we'll keep him busy, get him working some community service." at Thane's look, Bailey jerks his head at her, "Willow's idea."

"Keeps him busy and close by," she shrugs, "Figured it would work."

"Thank you, Captain." Thane offers a hand, shaking the captains formally, "I have much to think about. Willow, was there anything else we needed to attend to on the station?"

"No, I think we're good. Thanks for everything, Bailey. Stay safe."

"You, to, Willow. Take care of yourselves."

"Hopefully Arisa and her squad are alright," Willow sends off a message as they walk, frowning, "They haven't checked in at all."

"I'm sure they are fine, Siha." Thane says, making her wonder again at that word, and he palms the door for the airlock, letting her go first. "So long as their mission was as successful as ours, it will have been a good day."

They head for the armory in silence, and Willow strips off her guns and her armor, peeling off her under suit and breathing out a sigh of relief when she's down to the tank and leggings she'd worn underneath,.

She pauses then, gaze on the weapons table, trying to think of something to say. A lot happened, today, and she's not sure where to start.

Thane seems just as conflicted, gaze flickering between she and the door, before finally clearing his throat "Willow-"

_"Willow, meet me in the Port Observation Deck. ASAP."_  Arisa's voice over the intercom cuts him off, Willow's eyebrows lifting.

"Be there shortly." she calls back, surprised. "I didn't realize they were  _back_."

"She did not sound like herself." Thane observes, following her out to the elevator, "Perhaps something happened on their mission?"

"Guess I'll find out shortly." Willow takes a moment to breathe once they're in the elevator, then says "Thane. Later... can we talk?"

"Of course; your company is always welcome. You need only come find me."

_Well, that's a good start, right?_

They part ways quietly, and Willow freezes just inside the observation deck, brows shooting up.

"What the  _fuck_?"

"You." Arisa pauses to take a long swallow of the drink she holds, pointing sharply at her, "Come drink. It has been a  _long_  day and misery loves company."

"She's been drinking for about 30 minutes." Kasumi confirms before Willow can ask, sitting in the corner chair with a drink of her own and a wide grin, "Don't worry, I've been keeping tabs - she's only had ten drinks so far."

" _Fuck_ , Arisa, what  _happened_?" Willow crosses over to the bar and slips onto the stool next to her cousin, eyeing her, "And how the hell are you not  _drunk_?"

"Can't  _get_  drunk," the redhead mutters darkly, finishing her drink and slamming the glass down on the counter, "Biotics and implants make sure of that."

"You can probably still get  _alcohol poisoning_ ," she points out, only earning an eye roll, "Okay, seriously.  _What happened?_ "

"Oh, y'know, I just fucked everything up with my best friend. Pretty sure wherever we  _were_  possibly heading has been  _ruined_ , now."

"Arisa, details, please."

Arisa knocks back another half-glass of something amber and then sighs, "I stood between Garrus' rifle and Sidonis."

"...I'm sorry, what?"

"I stood with my head in Garrus' scope so that he couldn't shoot Sidonis." she says, forgoing her drink to scrub her hands over her face, "I just... Garrus was  _so_  obsessed, the entire time, it wasn't like him. He wasn't himself. And I just  _knew_  he'd regret it, if he killed him - Sidonis is a walking shell, anyways, there's no life left in him. I couldn't let Garrus take the shot; for his own sake."

"Did you  _talk_  to him, afterwards?"

"Not yet, no. He said he wasn't ready to discuss it. So I think I fucked up. I'm pretty sure I fucked up.  _Fuck_." Arisa groans and lets her head hit the bar now, voice cracking slightly, "The  _one guy_  I've ever cared for this much, and I screw things up."

"I don't think you've screwed things up." Willow rubs comforting circles on her cousins back, snorting, "If anything,  _I_  fucked up today."

"Oh?"

"I punched Thane's son in the face."

That makes Arisa's eyes pop open, a grin pulling at her lips, "You didn't."

"I did." Willow sighs, shrugging, "Needed to distract him, went with instinct... next thing I know, fist is connecting with his jaw. Didn't do any actual  _damage_ , just... enough to bruise, maybe."

"And... have you two  _talked_  about anything? Cause don't think I haven't noticed the flirting. I have  _definitely_  noticed the flirting."

"Are you  _sure_  you're not at least tipsy?" Willow grumbles, earning a laugh, "Not really, no. He knows I'm... sick, now. And he uh... kissed me, on the forehead, and keeps calling me 'Siha' - I don't know what it means, though. And with all the crap with Kolyat today, and then you calling me in here... haven't had a chance."

"Progress is progress." Arisa mumbles, sitting up suddenly, "Oh, one other thing - I got an invite just before we got back to the Normandy."

"An invite?" Willow echoes, leaning closer to look at the screen her cousin brings up.

_To Commander Arisa Shepard,_

_You are formally invited to the annual Spectre Ball, celebrating yet another year of peace under the Council. You may invite up to three people to accompany you._

_Formalwear mandatory._

"Spectre Ball?" Willow can't help a frown, "That sounds more like a fighting tournament then a fancy party."

"I know, right? But look at the date of it."

"Wait... isn't that  _tomorrow night_?"

"Yuuup. It definitely is." Arisa closes the invite, scrunching her nose, "I  _think_  I still have my dress blues, somewhere. That's the nicest clothes I  _have_..."

"Who are you bringing with you?"

"Well, I figured I'd bring  _you_ , and we could bring our preferred men as escorts, but..."

"We're terrible at this, aren't we? I don't have  _any_  formalwear..."

"Ohhh, can I help?"

Both Shepards jump, twisting to face Kasumi. Honestly, Willow had forgotten she was there.

"I know a great shop that rents formalwear!" the thief explains, grinning mischievously, "Saves you having to buy and store any dresses, right? And they can do men and women of any species, so it would work for the boys, to! How about it?"

"...sure, why not. Not like I have any better ideas." Arisa types something into her omni, grinning a little, "Officially declaring Shore Leave for a few days, then. Think we can get to that shop early tomorrow morning, Kasumi?"

"Leave it to me, Shep!"

"Should probably grab a hotel for us for tomorrow, so we have somewhere spacious to get ready... hopefully the boys aren't  _to_  miffed or it might just be us going..."

"Guess we'll find out?"

_"Commander, are you free?"_  Mordin's voice is suddenly coming from Arisa's omni, making both women jump,  _"And is Willow with you? Would like to speak to you both, if available."_

Willows first instinct is to say  _hell no_  and just hide out. Arisa shrugs. "Sure, Mordin, we'll be up in a couple of minutes."

_"Excellent! Will be waiting."_

"Arisa..."

"Chill, he gave  _me_  a lecture about turian-human relations already, and I'm  _sure_  he's had a similar talk with you, considering you've been  _avoiding him_." the redhead shrugs, standing much more gracefully then someone who's had twelve drinks should be able to, "I'm sure it's nothing crazy."

"Uh huh." Willow doubts it, but she reluctantly follows her out to the elevator anyways, and they talk quietly of the Ball as it moves, wondering what exactly it'll be like.

The moment they step into the Lab, Willow regrets it.

Mordin stands behind his usual workstation, nearly beaming, typing something on his omnitool.

Garrus  _and_  Thane sit on the opposite side -  _where the hell does he keep finding all these stools?_  - the turian looking distinctly uncomfortable, and the drell looking vaguely amused.

Then Willow realizes they both have data pads, and she blanches, catching the vague outline of a human body on the glowing surface.

_Scratch that - naked human **female**  body. I knew this was a bad idea!_

"Nope, screw this, I'm out." Willow turns, tries to palm open the door - and blanks when the lock flashes  _red_. "What?!"

_"I apologize, Willow."_  EDI's voice comes over the comm, not sounding sorry at all,  _"As per Doctor Solus' request, I have locked the doors."_

"Mordin." Arisa's voice sounds deceptively calm, but the hint of anger to it makes Willow's skin crawl, "What, exactly, is going on?"

"Ah, good question! Have had  _solo_  talks with you all, individual meetings, but wanted to have  _group_  chat, now that interest has been stated!" Mordin's grinning widely, and Willow wonders how he doesn't notice the aura of danger coming off her cousin.

"Noticed increased air of tension after today's missions! Realize that  _intercourse_  is an outlet for aggression - do not recommend. Intense emotions may lead to lack of safe practices - could be dangerous for both parties, lead to injuries, chafing, itching, or any other number of unwanted side effects!"

"Here, helpful booklets and diagrams -  _updated_ , from ones sent before! Have sent to your omnis for personal perusal. Do recommend lotions and ointments, multiple pillows for comfort -  _is_  still an outlet, will not make decisions for you, just advise caution!"

During his talk, Arisa's been crossing the room, and Willow stays as  _far_  back as she can, knowing what mood her cousins in -  _especially_  with alcohol in her system, drunk or not.

Even Garrus and Thane have stood up and stepped back, not wanting to be in the Commander's warpath.

"Mordin." she says, standing right in front of him, a dangerous light in her eyes and purple flaring around her right fist, "I am  _not_  in the mood for your forced Sex Ed tonight. Your concern is appreciated, but kindly  _butt out._ "

"But Shepard-"

Something on the workstation  _pops_  as the purple aura pulses, and Arisa's baring teeth as she leans closer, " _Butt. Out._  EDI, override; unlock the doors,  _now_."

_"Yes, Shepard."_

"Now then." Arisa steps back and zeroes her gaze in on Garrus, the turian nearly flinching back when she points at him, " _You_. We need to talk. Let's go."

Garrus swallows, following close behind the Commander as she marches from the room, leaving the three of them behind; Mordin, now crouched behind his work station, Thane looking endlessly amused, and Willow only glad no one had gotten punched.

"That," she says after a moment, "Is why you don't piss Arisa off."

Thane chuckles, "Duly noted. Shall we?"

He motions to the door, and Willow nods, allowing him to lead the way out of the lab.

She stops him before they hit the CIC though, catching him by the arm and then releasing him when he turns. "Thane, uh, by the way... Arisa got an invite to the Spectre Ball, today. It's being held tomorrow night on the Citadel."

Thane tilts his head, looking curious, "Indeed?"

"Mhm. She can bring a couple of guests - she asked me to go and, uh."  _holy shit Willow stop being a coward_ , "I wondered if you'd want to come as my... date? Only if you want to, obviously, no pressure. And we're on shore leave for a few days, so you could probably see Kolyat again, to, while we're here, and-"

_Stop talking stop talking stop talking-!_

Thane chuckles, and suddenly his hand is on her face again, cupping her jaw, and it's so similar to that night in the MedBay that she feels herself turning red.

"I'd love to escort you, Siha." he says, dual vocals thrumming, "Though I fear I have nothing in the way of formalwear."

"Kasumi's handling it. Said she knows a shop." Willow's having a hard time thinking with his hand on her face, lifting her own after a moment to cover his, "Maybe... it'll be fun?"

"Any time spent with you is time well spent, Siha." Thane shifts to catch her hand in his then, lifting it to press his lips against the back, holding her eyes, "We will talk more tomorrow, then?"

"Y-yeah." Willow manages to choke out, staring as he releases her and disappears through the door to the CIC, taking a moment to  _breathe_  and tell her heart to  _calm down_  before following, hoping she seems calm and composed.

Then she takes the elevator up to Arisa's cabin and collapses on the couch, burying her face in a pillow and kicking her feet back and forth in the air.

_Okay. It's not actually a date. You still have **so much**  to talk about. But... you get to go to a fancy party, dress up, and have fun for a night, with a guy you like  **a lot**. So... yay?_

Arisa's not back yet, and she glances at her omnitool, considering the ping of unchecked messages.

_The files from Mordin._

She'd been embarrassed as hell in the lab, of course, but she has to admit... she's curious. Mordin had said humans and drell were sexually compatible, but there  _had_  to be differences.

_Can't hurt to just... take a look, right? Not like I'm watching porn or anything._

So Willow flips onto her back, scoots up till she's sitting, then opens the document reading  _Procedures for Safe Intercourse: Human/Drell._

Most of the document is written descriptions, of course, and the biggest points are ones Mordin has already made - skin-on-skin contact with a drell can cause itching, drell saliva is a hallucinogen, be mindful of chaffing yada yada - so she skips those and gets right to the section labeled  _drell anatomy and erogenous zones._

There's  _diagrams_  - which makes sense, given the vague human outlines she'd spotted on the boys datapads - and she scrolls till she finds a full body shot and then looks carefully.

Humanoid overall, besides the fused digits on their hands -  _and feet, huh_  - and covered in the same type of scales she's seen on Thane's hands and chest, the colours varying on different parts of the body.

No nipples, which she'd expected - drell didn't need to nurse their infants, if she remembered correctly - and no belly button, and...

_Huh._

Willow tilts her head, bringing her omni-closer to inspect -  _ahh, okay, they have sheathes. Kind of like turians, but no plates. Makes sense, given their resemblance to reptiles._

The next image is the same as the first, only showing an  _aroused_  version of the image, and this time the penis was easily distinguishable.  _Colours different around the base - ooo, ridges, I think. Comparable size to a human, actually, but maybe longer? Hmmm, and the frills on their necks are sensitive, good to know._

She pauses and laughs, for a moment, realizing how damn  _calm_  she is about it.  _I can just imagine what younger-me would think, I'd probably have thrown my omni across the room by now. Hopefully Arisa'll be okay with it..._

It's all laid out in a scientific way, anyways, which helps make it less strange. Willow tilts her head back against her pillow and closes her eyes, conjuring an image of Thane in her mind's eye. She sticks with the upper body - she doesn't know how close the diagram is to the actual thing - wondering how his scales feel there, how the colours would play out, how he'd react if she touched his frills...

The door opening brings her out of the thoughts, eyes opening and lips pulling in a wide grin at the much more relaxed and slightly  _flustered_  Arisa that passes her and flops down on the bed.

"Talk with Garrus went well?"

"Yuuuup." is all Arisa says, and it's enough; the giddy look on her cousins face says it all.

Willow hums and goes back to reading over the packet - actually starting at the beginning now, because why not - until Arisa makes a bit of a strangled noise.

"You okay, 'Risa?"

"Yeah. Just reading... turians are kind of. Different."

"Oh, the plates?"

"Yeah - wait. How do  _you_...?"

"Fellow C-Sec officer got doused with Azure by accident, breaking up an incident at the Dark Star. You know, the Date Rape drug?" Willow shrugs, "We had to lock the poor guy up till it wore off, but it makes you go kind of... lust-crazed. So, now I know  _exactly_  what an aroused turian look like down there. The males, anyways."

"...you talk about this so easily."

"Arisa, I've  _had_  relationships. Mostly with humans, and one with an asari, yeah, but it just doesn't faze me. Talking about it in the abstract, anyways."

"So if I start teasing you about Thane...?"  
  
"I will start throwing pillows."

Arisa laughs, the sound relaxed, and Willow grins. "So, quiet reading time, then? So that we can actually sleep at some point and  _not_  be dead at the fancy party tomorrow?"

"Ugh, don't remind me, but yes. At least we get to drag the men with us."

"Yes. Yes we do."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kudos and comments make my day! ♥


	8. Confessions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Spectre Ball looms ahead, and it’s time to do something Willow never expected to do while on a suicide mission; it’s time to go dress shopping.
> 
> Add in two starstruck men, a few old acquaintances, a confession, and a locked door... well, you might have an idea of what happens.
> 
> After a revelation nearly causes Willow to have a breakdown, she realizes it’s time to stop being a coward. Because the clock is ticking, and time waits for no one.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THIS CHAPTER IS NEARLY AS LONG AS THE LAST ONE BUT WHATEVER IT WAS FUN TO WRITE.
> 
> HEADS UP: INCOMING FEELS. No seriously. You’ve been warned.   
> Dedicating this chapter to @lynngo-art for seriously giving me like... half the ideas of this chapter like omg. And @kittenkakt for betaing and giving me so much feedback, and @ariannadi for always reading these chapters over for me even though she has NO IDEA what’s going on (ILU ADI TY ♥)

"Am I the only one slightly annoyed by the fact that every single dress has  _cutouts_?"

"Nope, agreed. Who decided this was a good trend to follow?"

"This one assures you, this is the highest of Citadel fashion. This one would  _never_  pass off old fashion on a Spectre, or their associates."

Kasumi's laughter draws their attention, the thief grinning widely from her seat on one of the shops plush ottomans. Clearly, she finds their frustration amusing.

They've been in the shop for maybe two hours at this point - Willow can't remember the name, only that it's run by two hanar, and that their dress selection is  _enormous_  - and so far they've turned down every dress that's been presented to them.

_Citadel Fashion_  is clearly not  _Shepard_  fashion, she thinks, wrinkling her nose as she plucks at the newest cut-out monstrosity she's been forced into.

The men are in the other half of the shop - separated completely by a middle wall, handled by a second set of hanar - and they've agreed to meet later, at the Ball itself. Willow and Arisa have a room in the same hotel the Ball's being held in, so they have space to get ready; she'd given Thane the key to her apartment for he and Garrus to use.

_"Are you sure, Siha? I do not wish to invade your personal space."_

_"You're fine, Thane; I'm offering. You're not invading."_

_"Then I will be careful to honor your trust, Siha."_

Thane  _still_  hasn't told her what the word means, but it's definitely an affectionate term, and she shivers every time he says it. They need to talk - but that'll have to wait till  _after_  the fancy party, it seems.

"Not a fan of current fashion, huh?" Kasumi's voice snaps her back to the present, and she's surprised to see the thief circling around them,  _hmming_  and bringing her knuckles to her lips, a motion she knows is habit when she's thinking about something.

"This one is not sure which style would suit best, Commander." the hanar drifts off to put the dresses it's been holding away -  _more_  of those terrible cut-out things the Citadel apparently favors, "Is there, perhaps, something you prefer?"

" _Classic_." Kasumi says suddenly, banging her fist in her hand with a triumphant grin, " _Duh_ , I should have known - you two would probably prefer  _Earth_  styles, right? Maybe even from a century or so ago?"

Willow shares a look with Arisa, shrugging. "Assuming you mean, like, fashion from the early 2000's and  _not_  the 80's, then yeah, probably."

"Can we see the Classic section?" Kasumi's moving as she speaks, motioning for them to trail after, "If I remember right, it's back  _here_  - not as big a selection, but hey, maybe it'll have  _something_  for you picky girls!"

Arisa grumbles under her breath, but she's smiling, and even Willow finds the thief's amusement contagious. If ever there's a time to be in a good mood, it's while shopping for pretty dresses.

"Oh! This one should have realize you would prefer the older Earth styles. This one apologizes." the hanar floats along behind Kasumi, pulling back a curtain to a smaller selection of gowns - and Willow can already tell she'll like these better.

"Alright, girls, let's get you dressed. You should  _definitely_  go jewel tone, so you stand out amongst the paler colours of the Citadel folk. You want figure-hugging, since poofy gowns will just get in the way at the party - Arisa, you need blue. No arguments - if you've painted your armor to match Garrus, you can damn well wear a  _dress_  that matches him, too."

Arisa looks so damn affronted Willow can't help the laugh that escapes, covering her mouth and giggling despite the half-hearted glare thrown her way. "What?" she gasps, still snickering, "It's  _true_."

Arisa's response is cut off when a mass of fabric is thrown at her, fumbling to catch it before it can touch the ground - staring a little at the rich blue of the fabric. "Uh, Kasumi?"

"Shoo shoo, go try it on! I've gotta work on Willow now!" Kasumi waves her off, and the redhead huffs out a laugh before heading back to the change rooms, shooting her a look.

"Hmmmmm, okay, let's see, Willow... you need a  _green_  dress, dark green, and you'd do well with  _embroidery_..."

"Why green?" Willow questions, far to amused by the thief's excitement to even argue.

"You're a  _redhead_ , Willow, green was  _made_  for you. And besides-" Kasumi spots something and her upper half disappears into the dresses as she digs, words slightly muffled, "- _Thane_  would surely approve of the colour."

_That's true._  she feels a warm flush rising before squeaking as Kasumi throws a dress over  _her_  head, pulling the garment off and blinking at the rich emerald fabric. "Ohh,  _nice_."

"Shoo! Go try it on! We don't have all day!!"

Willow snorts and jogs off towards the change rooms, the cursing coming from the second stall indicating that Arisa is still getting into hers.

"Ugh, I need a hand with this back." she hears Arisa call just as she's stripped out of her clothes.

"Gimme a couple minutes, I don't want to parade around in my underwear."

"Here, Shep, let me help." Kasumi steps in, and Willow's listening as she carefully pulls on her own dress - thanking her own flexibility that she's able to  _mostly_  do the back up herself, asides from the very top. "Wow, Arisa... you look  _gorgeous_."

"Okay, lemme see this-" Willow steps out and stops, whistling at her cousin, " _Damn_ , 'Risa, Garrus isn't going to know what  _hit_  him."

"Oh, shut  _up_ ," Arisa's grinning despite the words, doing little circles in front of the mirror, as though she can't believe she's looking at her own reflection. Willow just smirks.

_Oh, Garrus. I feel kind of bad; you're a damn goner._

"Oh, Willow, let me grab the zipper for you - and  _damn_  am I good, that dress fits you like a  _glove_."

"You think so?" she stays still as Kasumi tugs the zipper up, then crosses to stand beside Arisa, staring at their reflections in the mirror.

It's a stark contrast to their usual selves, if she's honest. Sure, they don't have any makeup on, and their hair isn't fixed, yet, but the mirror images staring back are a lot more  _elegant_  then their normal counterparts, their everyday personas of armored and dangerous.

They're still dangerous; it's just a different  _type_.

"So, girls, what do you think?"

"We'll take them." they say, perfectly in sync, before looking at each other and bursting into laughter.

"Perfect! Next up;  _shoes_. You're going to need heels with those gowns, or you'll be tripping on them all night."

"Sure, no problem. I can handle up to a 4 inch heel; anything higher would be ridiculous for this type of party."

"Nice! Arisa?"

"....can't I just wear flats? Or combat boots?"

Kasumi and Willow just  _stare_  at the redhead, and even the hanar proprietress looks  _offended_. Arisa actually  _squirms_ , "What?"

"...no. Arisa, you need at  _least_  a 2 inch heel or you're going to  _trip_  on the dress. Come on, that's not even that bad."

"Willow, you  _know_  I don't wear heels. I'm the least graceful person on the planet, remember?"

"If you can keep your feet in every combat situation you've ever encountered, you can manage to wear 2 inch heels. Kasumi, grab us some shoes; we've got some work to do."

"Yes, ma'am!"

"You're having too much fun with this." Arisa accuses as they head back into the change rooms, not wanting to mess up the dresses before the Ball.

"Maybe. How often do we get to dress up like this? And how often do I get to tease  _you_  about not being able to do something?" Willow grins, gives her a half-hug, "Let me have my fun while I can, alright?"

She hadn't meant to bring that up, but the brief pain that flashes across Arisa's face says she'd caught in, and the redhead hugs her back more firmly. "Alright, Willow. Teach me how to walk in heels. But it's  _your fault_  if Garrus has to carry me back, later."

"I will  _totally_  take the blame for that." Willow agrees.

* * *

 

 Thane and Garrus are done long before the girls, and they head to Willow's apartment once they've chosen their preferred formal wear, speaking quietly of the event to come.

"I have a bad feeling my father's going to be there," Garrus admits as they near the proper apartment block, giving a very turian grimace, "He was big in C-Sec, and this ball isn't  _just_  for Spectres. If I start doing anything stupid, promise you'll knock me out, alright? I don't want to fuck anything up for Arisa."

"I don't know about knocking you out, but I promise to help diffuse any such situation as best I can."

"Appreciate it."

Willow's apartment is easy to find - it's in the middle-class areas, nice but not  _fancy_ , the level below the Presidium.

_"You guys are welcome to use whatever you need, I don't mind - though be careful if you open the fridge. I don't **think**  I left anything in there that could spoil, but you never know..."_

Thane pulls out the key card as they approach - the doors keyed to her fingerprints, of course, but she'd had the card made in case she ever had visitors stay over - and slides it through the lock of the proper door, #606, pushing it open once the panel flashes green.

The light in the main room flickers on when they enter, and Thane pauses a moment, doing a quick sweep of the layout.

There's a closet straight ahead that separates the entrance into a sort of alcove, leading into the kitchen to the right and then an open living space. There's a door towards the back right and one towards the back left - the bathroom and her bedroom, he would guess - and though it's a simple apartment, there's bits and pieces of personality spread about.

A splash of light green on the cabinets and tables, red rugs and throw pillows, pictures on the walls and papers on the coffee table. Little hints that scream  _Willow Shepard_ , at least to him.

"I'll take the bathroom," Garrus says, already moving past him towards the back left door - he's probably been here before, Thane realizes, if he'd been friends with Willow before Arisa's death - waving him off towards the right door, "She'd probably be more comfortable with  _you_  using her bedroom."

"And why is that?" Thane calls after him, but the turian only shrugs and disappears into the bathroom, closing the door behind him.

_I must remember that Garrus is much more observant then people give him credit for._  he muses, not at all bothered, as he sets the key card down on the kitchen table and heads for the right door, finding the panel just inside and pausing as the light flickers on.

_Especially_  here, in her personal space, Willow's presence is tangible. She has a queen bed dressed in white and red, a closet in the back left corner with shelves lining the wall beside it, a desk with a simple computer opposite the bed.

Again, nothing flashy, just splashes of colour and personality - an older-styled music player sitting on one of the shelves, for instance, and actual, physical  _books_  beside it.

Forcing his curiosity away for the moment, Thane sets about dressing; slipping out of the multiple layers of armor that have become almost a second skin, folding them neatly and piling them in proper order.

Then he works at pulling on his formal wear; black pants with black shoes, layered with a textured, dark grey  _kurta_  - simple asides from the embroidery that adorns the collar and cuffs, elegant accents that keep the garment from being casual.

There is no mirror in the room, so he settles himself to wait until the bathroom is free, gathering his own armor and placing it in the bag for the time being - setting it on the desk chair, rather than leaving it on the bed.

Thane takes a moment to look around, then, to curious to resist. He is drawn to the objects in the room, these physical memories that his Siha has kept, traces of her life before they'd met, and he is  _curious_.

There are pictures on the shelves; some older, some newer.

One shows what can only be a young Willow, smiling brightly and standing between two unfamiliar adults - her parents, if his guess is right.

The photo beside it shows that same young girl with a slightly smaller smile, a younger Arisa beside her and an older woman that  _must_  be Willow's aunt behind them, a hand on each girls shoulder -  _from after Mindoir, when they saved her._

There are more photos on the shelves - one of a perhaps eighteen year old Willow with bright,  _purple_  hair, standing beside Arisa with a brilliant grin - the redhead wearing N7 armor and an exasperated smirk.

_It is strange, to see Arisa with long hair. I wonder if Garrus has seen these photos._

The next makes a strange sort of pride flare in his chest - Willow stands tall and proud, hair once more her natural colour, wearing N7 armor and a cocky smirk. Her graduation day.

There's a jump of several years, then, because the only other photo on the shelves shows Willow, Arisa, Garrus, Tali, and a bunch of people Thane doesn't recognize, all crammed together in what looks to be a 'group-selfie', dressed up and grinning ridiculously.

_Ah_ , he realizes, blinking slowly,  _The celebration after the defeat of Saren. Before Arisa died._

There are no other pictures, but there  _are_  other mementos. Her N7 Diploma hangs on the wall behind her desk, her C-Sec certification beside it; he notices the glint of metal and follows it, finding a pair of dog-tags sitting on the desk - atop what looks to be her official diagnosis, and a letter of  _Medical Discharge_  from the Alliance.

_Fools,_  he thinks, scoffing at their blindness, at their easy dismissal of Willow after she was diagnosed,  _You know not what you've squandered_.

Thane hears a door open and Garrus muttering, and heads to the main room himself, feeling as though he's learned quite a bit from the memories in the room.

The turian is fidgeting with his outfit when he steps out, and Thane can't help a smirk. "Not used to dressing up?"

"Ugh, the dressiest thing I own is my dress blues, and Kasumi said  _no_  to those." Garrus continues to mumble, scowling down at himself, "You ask me, she's having too much fun playing  _dress up_."

"I believe the girls have the worst of it," Thane chuckles, moving into the washroom to give himself a quick once-over, smoothing down the  _kurta_  once before returning, "If it is any small comfort, the outfit you picked suits you, and I'm sure Shepard will approve."

"Spirits, I hope so." the turian mutters, and Thane laughs again. They are both of them somewhat out of their comfort zones, it seems. "At least  _yours_  is pretty simple - looks good, by the way. Nice choice."

"Thank you." Thane replies simply, moving to take a seat on the couch, "But we drell do not have a carapace or keel to worry about; your fashion is simply more complex than our own."

"Story of my life." Garrus grumbles again, but his mandibles flicker in a grin, and he seems more relaxed.

The base layer of Garrus' outfit is similar to the civvies he's seen the turian in, as far as Thane can tell; accented by gloves and a long half-cape that drapes over his front and right side, attached to a wide, gleaming collar. As is typical for Garrus, the outfit is dark blue with silver accents, and it suits him well.

"So..." Garrus settles on the arm chair, awkwardly shifting the cape out from under him, "now what?"

"Now, we wait." Thane shrugs a shoulder, glancing at his omni, "Willow said she would message us when it is time to meet them."

"Hopefully it doesn't take  _too_  long." the turian shifts, continuing almost absent mindedly, "Wonder what the girls are wearing..."

Thane's been wondering the same thing, but he knows trying to imagine the outfit Kasumi's gotten Willow into will only drive him mad. So he asks, instead, "I have something I wish to ask you, Garrus."

"Go ahead."

"Yesterday, when Mordin called us all up to the lab-"

Garrus cuts him off with a groan, "Spirits, can we  _not_  talk about that.  _Ever_. It was embarrassing enough to  _live_  it."

"Peace, Garrus, that's not my question. I wondered if something had happened between you and Shepard, considering the tense way she  _demanded_  you talk as you left."

He sees the turian freeze for a moment before slumping, tilting his head back to stare at the ceiling, "Uh, yeah, we uh... we found the guy who betrayed my team, back on Omega. Had him all set up and ready, she just had to draw him out so I could get a clear shot. But..."

"...she stepped into your shot?" Thane asks, nearly sure of the answer, the familiarity of the situation a painful tug at his memories.

"That obvious, huh?" Garrus chuckles, the sound somewhat melancholy, "I was  _mad_  - at Sidonis, at  _Arisa_ , at the world, I guess - but I understand why she did it, now. And the fact that she trusted me enough to stand with her head in my scope... I don't know."

"I met my wife the same way." Thane says, and the turians attention is on him immediately, mandibles slack.

"Wait,  _seriously_??"

"She noticed my crosshairs and stepped into my shot - bravery like that, I had to meet her." Thane smiles at the memory, "It seems we share a similar taste in women."

" _Hah_ , apparently." Garrus shakes his head, then seems to hesitate, rubbing at the back of his neck, "Ah, look, it's not really my place to pry, but... you and Willow? Guess I'm just... wondering what the intentions are, there."

"I am...  _incredibly attached_  to Willow," Thane admits, steering away from other, more  _telling_  words, "I am aware of her illness, and the way she fights despite it... what is that saying? 'I am drawn to her as is a moth to a flame?'"

"I think you've got the gist of it, but my human lingo's a bit rusty." Garrus seems more relaxed, now, slumping back in the arm chair - as well as he can with the human-shaped furniture, anyways - and says "Just making sure. She's like a sister to Arisa, and I consider her a good friend."

"I promise I have no ill intentions."

Garrus nods, and they speak of other things to pass the time - difficult kill shots they've made, different tactics on the field, Mordin's  _ridiculous_  attempt at giving them all group sex-ed.

Finally, Thane's omni pings with a message; Willow saying  _we're almost ready, you can head over now. Meet us just inside the entrance._

_On our way._  Thane sends back, and a quick nod to Garrus has him up and ready, Thane making sure to grab the key-card on their way out the door.

They take a taxi to the hotel and head inside, Thane sweeping a gaze over the people already in attendance.

He'd done some research on the Ball, after Willow's invitation; it wasn't  _just_  for Spectres, though they were essentially the guests of honor.

Businessmen, diplomats, anyone that could  _afford_  a ticket could go, really. The only ones who received a free invitation were people who had done great service to the Citadel - or who the Council wanted an in with.

They follow the crowd through the main corridor and into a sectioned-off space marked  _Spectre Ball Foyer_ , and the atmosphere changes just as suddenly as their surroundings do.

_The Council has spared no expense_ , Thane muses, blinking to adjust his eyes to the dim lighting - provided by hanging white orbs, accented by hanging decorations of what he vaguely believed to be cherry blossoms. They descend a small flight of stairs and cross a bridge likely erected for this specific occasion, more clusters of the pink blossoms lining the walkway and adorning every visible space.

They step to the side to wait for the girls, watching the line of guests entering the wide doors further down the way.

It all seems a little ethereal, if he's being honest;  _Spectre Ball, indeed._

"Hopefully they get here soon," Garrus mutters after a few minutes, shifting impatiently, "This is awkward, and I'm pretty sure we're being stared at."

They are, Thane knows, but he doesn't want to make Garrus any more uncomfortable - especially since the one's staring at him are mostly female turians, and he doubts  _that_  kind of attention would be welcome tonight.

"Patience." he says instead, smirking slightly at the taller mans sigh.

Thane almost doesn't notice the click of two sets of heels coming closer - one smooth and steady, the other slightly more cautious, uncomfortable - until he hears  _familiar_  voices, turning at the same time as Garrus perks up.

And not even caring when all he can do is  _stare_ , hardly noticing the slack-jawed turian at his side.

"...I am throwing these shoes out the airlock the moment we get back to the ship."

" _Relax_ , Arisa. At least  _enjoy_ Garrus' reaction."

" _Spirits_ ," he hears Garrus whisper, and he couldn't have said it better himself.

The Shepard cousins have just cleared the stairs and are roughly halfway across the walkway, and to say they're drawing attention is an understatement at best.

Arisa is nearly marching forwards, clasping a small clutch in one hand while her other is out to steady her, clearly the source of the unsteady footsteps. Still, she looks radiant - short hair swept elegantly back, ears adorned with silver hoops, dress baring more cleavage then he'd have expected from the Commander - a deep sapphire blue that clung to her, only flaring out close to the ground.

And while Garrus is understandably entranced, Thane's attention is immediately captured by Willow, hyper-focused to the point that the world around her blurs.

Willow's own hair is swept back with a pin on the left, makeup darker than usual but still simple, and her dress is just as form fitting as Arisa's - emerald green and  _glittering_  in the low lights of the room, the neckline falling just above her bust and swooping out in elegant off-the shoulder  straps, sweeping the floor with every movement.

Her steps are steady, hips swaying as she moves, and his trance is only broken when Willow meets his eyes and  _smiles_ , brilliantly, cheeks flushing red under his gaze.

"Wow, uh," Garrus is nearly stammering by the time the women reach them, mandibles quivering anxiously, "Arisa, you look...  _stunning_."

Shepard smiles, then, and it gives her an entirely different look, eyes sweeping over the turian appreciatively, "Same to you, stud. I did the best I could on such short notice."

"Well, your best has my mandible on the floor.  _Damn_."

"Smooth talker." he hears her laugh, but at this point Thane's entire focus is back on Willow, no matter how entertaining their company is.

"Siha," he purrs - because how can she be anything but, when the mere sight of her has him bewitched? - taking her hand to lift it to his lips, bowing, "You are a Goddess come to life, Willow. I am honored to escort such a dazzling jewel."

"Flatterer." Willow laughs, but the sound is breathy, and he's ridiculously smug about the fact that  _he'd_  caused it. "Not so bad yourself, Thane; careful, or I may swoon."

"So long as it's into my arms, I will have no complaint." he teases, smirking at the way her flush deepens.

"Shall we go in?" Arisa speaks up, her arm now settled comfortably in Garrus', "So I can get these shoes off as soon as possible?"

"Oh, my Gods, Arisa, they're  _two inch heels_." Willow laughs, but she steps up and accepts Thane's arm regardless, still smiling, "May as well."

Shepard and Garrus leads the way, and now they're  _all_  getting stared at; for varying reasons, he's sure.

Both women stand out in their jewel toned dresses, because Citadel fashion tends towards  _muted_  colours; they are, likewise, both humans on the arms of alien men.

There is also the fact that Arisa had died, and that she now technically worked for Cerberus - that they  _all_  did, in a way.

_So long as no one attempts violence tonight, we will be fine._

There's a drone just inside the open doors, and it's scanning people as they filter through, announcing them as they descend into the ballroom proper, Thane realizes.

Willow notices as well, and tenses on his arm as they draw closer, tugging him down to whisper "Is this okay, Thane? Won't announcing you're here be bad?"

"Relax, Siha." he whispers back, delighting in her shiver as his breath brushes her ear, "Everything will be fine."

She frowns, but allows him to lead her closer, grip remaining tight on his arm as they slowly but surely make their way to the front of the line.

Shepard and Garrus are first, and the drone hesitates for a moment after scanning them, then announces " _Commander Arisa Shepard, Spectre, escorted by Garrus Vakarian, former C-Sec."_

The two make their way down the stairs, and then it's their turn, and Thane can tell Willow is holding her breath as the drone scans them.

Again, it hesitates, then announces " _Willow Shepard, N7, escorted by Tannor Nuara."_

Thane feels Willow relax on his arm and chuckles, leading her down the steps, "You see?"

"'Tannor Nuara'?" she asks, nose wrinkling, "An alias?"

"Every true professional has one. I am surprised the drone announced you as an N7, considering your discharge?"

"Technically, they didn't take away my N7 designation." Willow grins, shrugging a little as they reach the main floor, heading to where Arisa and Garrus are standing, "I feel like the drone was announcing the most  _interesting_  information, honestly."

"That does seem to be true." Thane tightens his grip on her arm a little as they weave through the people, happy when she squeezes back, "So then. Now that we're here, is there a plan?"

"Drink alcohol, eat food, pretend to socialise, then leave?" Arisa suggests with a smirk.

"No dancing?" Garrus teases, which earns him an elbow to the side, " _Ow_ , Shepard, c'mon, it's a joke."

"Laugh it up." she mutters, but she's still smirking, "I guess, overall, let's just stay out of trouble and try to enjoy ourselves."

"Sounds like a plan." Willow agrees, and Thane's already wondering if it's possible to put in song requests.

If he achieves even one dance with his Siha before the night is over, the Ball will have been a success.

* * *

 

 Willow is insanely glad she asked Kasumi to follow along and record their entrance, because Garrus' face when he spotted Arisa was  _perfect_.

If she hadn't been sure before that the turian was head over heels for her cousin, his face would have chased away any doubt.

_Note to self, buy the thief something nice later. She deserves it._

Then she'd locked eyes with Thane and that was it, she was done, because the drells expression may have been more controlled then the turians, but there was no mistaking the affection in his eyes, this time, nor the way warmth spread from where his lips touched her hand all the way down to her toes.

_This was a good idea,_  she thinks once they're through the doors and down the stairs, standing in a circle and deciding what to do.

They don't get the chance to actually do anything before the lights go  _up_  a little and the Council appears on a platform at the other end of the room, drawing a polite round of applause from the guests.

They thank everyone for coming, give speeches about the continuing peace and prosperity, promising that security is  _better than ever_  since the Geth attack.

They invite any Spectres in the room to come up and share a speech, as well, and Willow can't help noticing the way Arisa steps back, half hiding behind Garrus, as though she doesn't want attention to fall on her.

_Not that I blame her_.

Garrus seems to understand; he turns himself so his cape can act as a sort of shield, and the smile her cousin flashes him is brilliant.

The Council excuses themselves, the lights dim again, and music swells, an upbeat song to start the evening. More guests filter in slowly, but the announcer seems to have been turned off, and now it's truly just a big, fancy party.

They stick mostly to themselves - briefly finding a table at the edge of the room, grabbing some food and sitting and snacking, talking and laughing - carefully avoiding mentioning the mission, or the Collectors, or Cerberus.

Just enjoying this one peaceful moment while it lasts.

Eventually they begin to wander, just exploring the room, seeing if they recognize anyone - Arisa's arm tight on Garrus', and Willow's tight on Thane's.

It's just as Willow thinks Arisa's going to call it a night when a voice she doesn't recognize at first calls out "Shepard. I thought that was you I'd spotted."

Arisa turns, surprise morphing into a pleased grin as she spots the speaker, "Alec! Long time no see. How've you been?"

"As well as one can be when they're planning a 600 year expedition, I suppose." the man steps into their circle and Willow recognizes him, then, as he shakes Arisa's hand, "I hear  _you've_  been busy, too; hello, Willow."

"Good to see you, Alec." Willow returns, trying to smile, "How are the twins?"

"Ah, same as ever, they're coming with me to Andromeda; they're  _here_ , actually, though I think they got stuck at the buffet table." Alec glances around, then cups his hands around his mouth, "Aria! Scott! Come here!"

Thane leans in close, breath ghosting her ear again, "Willow, who is...?"

"Alec Ryder," she whispers back, "He's another N7 - mentored Arisa, briefly. I've only met him a couple of times."

"Ah."

"Geez, how many years has it been? You two are  _huge_ ," Arisa jokes, drawing Willow's attention to the two people who've joined the circle, "How old are you, now?"

"Twenty-two!" Scott puffs his chest out,  _oofing_  quietly when his twin elbows him. "Ready for adventure in Andromeda!"

"As ready as we  _can_  be." Aria adds, rolling her eyes. Garrus coughs, giving Arisa a  _look_.

"Oh! Boys, this is Alec Ryder, my old mentor from my N School days, and his twins, Aria and Scott," Arisa introduces, lips twitching, "You all remember Willow. This is our associate, Tannor Nuara, and this is-"

"Garrus Vakarian." comes an older, deeper voice, dual vocals rumbling beneath the surface.

An older turian steps up beside Alec then, and Willow notes his facial markings at the same time that Garrus goes  _stiff_.

"Father." Garrus mutters, and she can't help but  _stare_.

_What?!_

"Castis," Alec's voice has a warning tone, eyes narrowed, "This is hardly the time."

"I may never  _see_  a better time, if he goes AWOL for another two years." Castis snaps back, and Willow can feel Thane tense on her arm, ready to react.

"Shepard, give us a moment, okay?" she hears Garrus says, watching Arisa frown but nod, releasing his arm.

"I'll provide support, in case things go south." Thane says softly, pulling away to shadow the younger turian, and Alec gives Arisa an exasperated look before also following after, probably to play referee.

Silence reigns for a moment before Arisa clears her throat and flags down a passing wine-barer, snatching a glass for herself and holding one out to Willow.

"So," she says, trying to smile, "Andromeda, huh?"

The twins immediately start talking, and the tension lifts - though she can tell Arisa is keeping a close eye on the men, and she sneaks several glances herself.

It's clear that the Ryder's are excited, and looking forwards to new opportunities - Aria wants to explore, Scott just wants some action - and she sees something of herself and Arisa in them, from their younger days.

That sense of adventure, the urge to just get out and  _do_  something... she kind of misses that youthful enthusiasm.

Willow catches herself thinking that and almost snorts, hiding it in a sip of wine,  _Fuck, Willow, you're only twenty-eight. Lay off the drama._

She sneaks another glance over at the men, glad to see it hasn't escalated any further then what seems to be a heated argument - at least Alec and Thane are there if they need to be pulled apart from each other.

"You two seeing anyone special?" Arisa asks, and Willow tunes back in to the conversation.

"Nope." Scott shrugs, grinning, "Had a couple girlfriends, nothing major. Not my top priority, anyways."

"No one so far," Aria agrees, her smile somewhat softer, "Who knows? Maybe Andromeda's the place to find love."

"Oh yeah?" Arisa echoes her smile, though her gaze drifts over to a certain turian as she speaks, "Maybe someone tall and handsome? Blue eyes and a visor?"

The younger woman laughs, "Not quite that  _specific_ , but maybe. I guess we'll see."

"Mom  _did_  make us promise to fall in love at least once." Scott says, smile a little sad, and Willow freezes for a moment.

_I almost forgot. Their mother is-_

"How  _is_  your mother?" Arisa asks, and the look on their faces answers the question before they even speak.

"Mom, um, passed away, actually." Aria's voice is quiet, melancholy, "A couple of months ago. She went peacefully."

_I can't breathe._

"I'm so sorry. Was it from...?"

"The disease, yeah; AEND."

_I can't breathe._

"Dad was trying to work on a cure, but none of his research has come through, yet." Aria's staring down at her wineglass, fiddling with the stem, "We... got to say goodbye, at least. And she wasn't in any pain."

_I can't_ -

"Willow." she jumps when a hand touches her shoulder, gaze snapping to Arisa's worried one, "Are you alright?"

"Fine." she manages, trying to smile and knowing she fails terribly, setting her wineglass on a passing servers tray before she can  _drop_  it, "I just... I'm fine. Just need to get some air. D'you know where the washrooms...?"

"Um, I think they're along the back wall." the twins look worried, and that just makes it worse.

"Thanks. I'll be... I'll be right back."

Willow turns and walks away before she can look even more foolish, clutching her wallet so tightly her skin is white, hardly hearing the voices behind her.

_Breathe. They don't **know**. They didn't mean to-_

She makes it to the door marked  _ladies_  and crosses to the sinks, slamming her hands down on the counter and sucking in giant gulps of air.

_Fuck. Fuck fuck **fuck**. Breathe, Willow, calm down._

Ellen Ryder had been the first person to be diagnosed with AEND -  _years_  before Willow had been. She'd never met the other woman, but she knew about her.

_She's dead._

Willow clenches her fists, grits her teeth, and squeezes her eyes shut against the sudden tears welling there, struggling not to hyperventilate.

_Why is this hurting so much?! I **thought**  she'd died, this is just confirmation! Why am I...?!_

It's a reminder, she realizes, giving a watery laugh. A reminder of her own damn mortality, of her dwindling years.

A buried, bitter part of her wants to be angry -  _at least she had a family, had a life!_  - but she shoves it aside, knowing that's not fair. It's not Ellen's fault she's sick.

_You have Thane. You still have time left. Make the most of it._

Which means she needs to stop being a coward and  _talk to Thane_ , like a mature adult, instead of dancing around things any longer.  _It's not fair to either of us._

Willow takes another deep breath, stands straight, and smoothes out the wrinkles in her gown. She checks for any signs of smudged makeup or mussed hair, finds none, and sighs.

_Socialise for a little longer, then get the hell out._

Her omni pings just before she reaches the door, and she frowns as she opens the message.

_Siha, shall we play a game?_

Even with her mood as it is, Willow can't help the small grin that forms at his words.

_Depends. What are we playing?_

_I believe your people call it 'hide and seek'. Come find me._

Willow snorts, stepping back out into the hall and squinting in the dim lighting, typing back a response.

_Do I get any hints?_

_Of course. Pass through where the cherry blossoms end, and you'll be on the right track._

"Where the cherry blossoms end..." she murmurs, looking around, "What does he - wait."

She turns her gaze to the right wall of the room, back towards the food tables, and zeros in on the open space she'd overlooked before; a walkway framed by two of the decorative trees.

_Maybe_...

Willow makes her way to the opening, stepping through the trees into a dim, undecorated hallway.

_Alright,_  she types,  _Now where?_

_Take twenty steps forwards, then turn right._

Sorrow momentarily forgotten in the rush of the game, Willow begins walking -  _1, 2, 3, 4, 5_ \- counting all the way up to twenty, then taking a breath and turning to the right.

A locked door meets her gaze, but before she can even question it her omni pings again.

_Place your hand on the door, and if you've played right, it will open._

Hoping she hasn't managed to screw up the hints, Willow takes a breath, places her hand on the panel... and laughs aloud when it goes green, sliding open beneath her palm.

The room is un-decorated, but the lights are the same soft orbs as the main hall, and she steps in, curious and confused.

Thane stands in the centre of the room, and she moves forwards, stopping just close enough that she could reach out and touch him, giving him a small smile.

"Thane. What's going on?"

His eyes glint in the dim light - looking perfectly black, emerald irises hidden - and he sweeps suddenly into a half-bow, extending his hand to her, palm up. "Siha," he says, and she shivers at his tone, "Shall we dance?"

_I can still hear the music,_  she realizes suddenly - a slow, soft song of pianos and violins and other things, the type of song you see couples dancing to in old movies - and now she understands.  _He knew._

Swallowing back any anxiety or worry that might try to rise up and ruin the moment, Willow nods, reaching out to place her hand in his, "Please."

Thane pulls her in with a gentle tug, his free hand going to her waist while hers settles shyly on his shoulder, giving her an encouraging grin before beginning to move.

Thane leads her in this dance - at first a gentle sway in the middle of the room, then growing more confident, leading her in circles around the space - and she is glad.

This is vastly different from the half-assed break dancing and high school dances of Mindoir, from the few times she's danced since then. This is intimate, and special, and something she could never wish to experience with anyone else.

This is just them, Thane and Willow, hidden away from the stress of the mission, from the sorrow of their memories, from the fear of their mortality.

It's too much, and simultaneously, not enough.

"Thane," she says, pausing with a gasp when he spins her out, her skirt a whisper against the floor as he draws her back in, tighter to his chest this time, " _Thane_."

"Siha." he responds, and even without knowing what it means it's too much.

"I'm sorry." she whispers, grip on his shoulder tightening.

Thane frowns, slowing their movements back to a gentle sway, "For?"

"Getting upset with you." Willow swallows, feeling suddenly choked, "For not telling you immediately about my illness. For being a coward-"

Thane scoffs, "You are  _not_  a coward, Willow Shepard."

"-for punching Kolyat." she finishes weakly, and that earns her a startled laugh.

"You have nothing to apologize for." he assures her, continuing the slow sway across the room, "If anything, it is  _I_  who should be apologizing."

"Thane-"

"Let me finish, please." he asks quietly, and she falls silent, waiting. "I have spent years alone, losing myself in memories, surviving in Battle Sleep. I told myself leaving Kolyat was for the best, and yet now I see that was false."

"Irikah woke me up; her death put me once more to Sleep. And yet now, I find myself reawakened, so close to the end." Thane stops moving, grip on her tightening, and Willow finds herself drowning in his eyes, suddenly so close that she can see the hidden emerald, " _You_  woke me up, Willow. You planted a seed, the very first time we met - and when you found me on Illium, when you drew me away from my resignation to die, that seed sprouted."

"Thane." she whispers, needing to say  _something_.

His hand is on her face then, cupping her cheek so tenderly she feels tears starting again, and his breath ghosts over her lips when he says "Willow,  _Siha_ , if I could promise you forever, it would still not be enough. My life is yours, however you would use it. I love you."

Then his mouth is on hers and her mind blanks, lips on fire as he kisses her slowly, carefully, like she's some precious stone that will shatter if he presses to hard.

Her brain restarts in time to kiss him back just before he pulls away, forehead settling against hers, breath coming faster as she tells the last of her worries to  _fuck off_  and slips both arms around his neck.

" _Thane_ ," she whispers, "I think I love you, too."

Thane makes a sound and then he's kissing her again, his arms around her waist to press her closer, and all she can think is  _why the fuck did we wait so long._

Maybe it's too fast - maybe she wouldn't feel this intensely, in any other situation - but they're on a suicide mission and even if they weren't, time is limited for them both. There's no time for questioning, and she can't see herself ever regretting being with this man.

It's a chaste kiss, as far as kisses go, yet it feels so much more intimate than any other time she's been kissed - a gentle sort of affection with passion behind it, as though he's still afraid to push her.

So Willow tightens her grip and opens her mouth invitingly, and Thane's response is a growl that vibrates right through her and his tongue slipping in to press against hers.

And oh,  _damn_ , the man can kiss, and she has to break away not long after to breathe, blinking at the sudden haziness to her vision.

She hears Thane chuckle, feels him nuzzle against her cheek, "Ah, I forgot. Drell saliva."

"Do you hear me complaining?" she mumbles back, earning another laugh as he eases her up, keeping tight hold until the spinning's stopped and she can see straight.

"Are you feeling better, Siha?" he asks, tucking back a strand of hair that's come loose.

"I do. But I'm ready to leave the party, I think."

"We are of one mind, then. Last I saw, Shepard was calming Garrus down. Alec Ryder was able to steer his father away."

"Good. Let me just." Willow pops in a code on her omni, trying not to be distracted by Thane's arm still around her waist, "Kasumi, you still in the party somewhere?"

_"Of course I am! What kind of thief would I be if I didn't take advantage?"_

"Are Arisa and Garrus still here?"

_"Naw, they left about twenty minutes ago; Garrus tried to lead her through some sort of slow waltz, and Arisa started laughing so hard she could barely stand up. They left right after."_

"Okay, thanks. Thane and I are heading out, as well.  _Try_  to stay out of trouble?"

_"Me? Trouble? Please, Willow. No one will ever know I was here."_

"Alright. Night, Kasumi."

Willow disconnects the call and flashes Thane a small grin, shrugging a shoulder, "You okay to stop by the hotel room, first? I'd rather put this dress back in its bag before it can get  _dirty_."

"Of course, Siha." Thane releases her waist and takes her hand instead, smile secretive, "Let's go."

* * *

 

 "It's weird that she's not replying." Willow frowns at her omni, wishing her cousin would message her back, "I hope nothing happened."

"I'm sure they are fine." Thane leads her out of the elevator, heading for the room she had designated, "Perhaps they are just distracted?"

"I guess." Willow sighs, taking her hand back so she can open her wallet and dig for her key-card, swiping it through the lock on the door.

The lock flashes red, and she scowls. "What the hell?"

"Wrong room?"

"No, this is definitely the right room. Let me try again..." she swipes it again, this time earning the red light and a flashing message reading  _PRIVACY MODE HAS BEEN ACTIVATED. PLEASE SEE HOTEL STAFF IF YOU HAVE ANY QUESTIONS._

"Privacy mode? Why would privacy mode be-"

There's what sounds like a  _crash_  from inside, followed by muted cursing, and then something that sounds  _distinctly_  like a-

Thane's hand is on her arm, then, tugging her back, "Willow. I believe we are...  _intruding_ , right now."

There's another small crash, and then a voice that is definitely Arisa's groaning  _Garrus_  and  _oh, my Gods, are you freaking kidding me?!_

"I can get the dress bag tomorrow." Willow turns and lets Thane lead her away, shaking her head, "Fuck, you'd think they could have  _warned us_  to stay away, cripes."

"Perhaps they... forgot?" Thane muses, and she swats at him, making him chuckle, "It is rather amusing, Siha."

"I'll laugh once I've managed to scrub the images from my mind." she mutters, only earning another laugh.

They grab a taxi and spend the ride in comfortable silence, hands clasped between them - and she marvels at the fact that it doesn't feel strange at all, considering two of his fingers are fused.

_Just seems to work._

Willow palms the fingerprint scanner on her door and leads the way inside, tossing her wallet on the table and stretching her arms out over her head, kicking her shoes off as she goes.

"Thane, just let me swap into some sleep clothes and then you can use the room to change, okay?"

"Of course, Siha."

Willow grins and steps into her room, sighing and glancing around the familiar space - feeling odd there, now, after living on the Normandy for so many months.

She digs quickly through her drawers, shimmying out of the dress and tucking it as carefully into her closet as she can, pulling off her bra and tights and tossing them into the laundry chute.

She pulls on an old N7 sweater she keeps around specifically for sleeping in, doesn't bother with any sort of pants, and pulls the pin from her hair, setting it down on her desk to be put away later.

She wonders, briefly, if she  _should_  put on more clothes, but the thought is quickly brushed off. She's not expecting anything to happen, tonight - that's a  _little_  too soon, she thinks - but she's not ashamed of her body, either.

And if seeing a little leg is too much for Thane, well... better to get that revelation out of the way now.

"All yours," she calls as she leaves her room and heads for the washroom, needing to scrub the makeup off, "I hope you're not hungry, because I don't think I have any food in the house."

"No need to worry, Siha." he calls back, and she hears the  _click_  of the bedroom door closing as she starts the water, grabbing her cleanser and working away at her face.

By the time she's washed off all the makeup and applied moisturizer, she realizes Thane's been leaning in the doorway for several minutes, wearing a soft smirk.

_And no shirt_ , she processes a second later, eyes following the  _stripes_  that span his torso, similar to the diagrams and yet so much better because it's  _Thane_.

"Like what you see, Siha?" he asks quietly, and there's a distinctly husky note to his dual voice that makes her shiver.

"I do." she says, quickly brushing her hair and then crossing the room to stand before him, grinning up at him. "So. Ready for bed?"

"Indeed. I will take the couch."

"Or... you could just share the bed with me."

Thane stills, blinking at her, and Willow bites her lip, reaching out to take his hands in hers.

"I don't know where this is going, Thane. It's all still really new and kind of scary, and I get that. But we don't have a lot of time." she smiles a little sadly, hoping her voice portrays the honesty of her words, "I don't expect anything. I'd just like it if you stayed with me."

He returns her grip, then, bending slightly, forehead brushing hers. "I can do that." he says, and she grins, leading the way to the bedroom.

Willow climbs in first, and Thane hesitates for a moment at the edge, staring down at it, before climbing in after her.

"Should I turn the heat up?" she asks, suddenly worried that it's not warm enough in the apartment for him, that it'll hurt his lungs.

Thane silences her worry by shifting closer and kissing her, a lingering touch that warms her all the way down to her toes.

"I'm comfortable, where it is." he says once he's pulled back, one arm tucked beneath his head, the other thrown loosely over her. "Good night, Siha."

"Good night, Thane." Willow sighs back, turning the lights off and settling down to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kudos and comments make my day!! ♥


	9. Shore Leave

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Two days of Shore Leave gives Willow time to wish... and to decide what she wants. And if a few years is all she can have with Thane, she’ll make the most of it.
> 
> First step? Apologize to Kolyat for punching him. And tease Arisa and Garrus. Gotta have some fun, right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NOT AS LONG AS THE LAST CHAPTERS but hopefully still okay! Lil’bit of feels incoming as Willow muses on some things. I digress.
> 
> Thank you @lynngo-art for the angsty ideas, and @kittenkakt and @ariannadi for betaing for me! ♥ Enjoy!

Between she and Arisa, Willow had always been the heavier sleeper.

Noise doesn’t wake her up unless it’s gunfire or shouting, and a gentle push or shake would do little besides earning a sleepy grumble.

So it takes Willow a while to wake up the next morning, feeling as damn cozy as she does.

There’s the warm weight of another's body pressed up against her back, an arm curled around her middle, a pair of legs tangled with her own, and she can feel a hand playing with her hair - combing gently through the strands, the occasional soft tug, and it makes her mumble and wiggle further back into the warmth.

Thane chuckles - a husky sound, breath warm on her throat, and she nearly purrs when the hand resting on her belly strokes up and down, a gentle sort of petting that’s threatening to make her melt.

_Well, damn, he’s already figured out my soft spots._

“Are you awake, Siha?” he asks, words spoken against the curve of her shoulder - a delicious shiver rushing down her spine at the brush of his lips on her skin.

“Maybe.” she whispers back, cracking one eye open when she feels him shift, lips pulling in a sleepy grin when she sees him leaning over her, “Morning, handsome.”

“Good morning, Siha.” Thane chuckles, seeming much more awake then she is  - she wonders briefly how long he’s been up, but the feel of his hand still stroking her stomach is a distraction, especially now that she’s registered the sensation of fine scales against her bare skin.

Willow stretches languidly, arching into his touch with a happy sigh, “Have you been awake long? You should have woken me up.”

“Not long.” he’s shifting as he speaks, and Willow rolls to her back as he moves over her, watching her with a soft grin, “I am content so long as you are near, Siha.”

Her heart thumps, and she grins wryly, reaching up to cup his face, running a hand curiously along the ridge of his scales and then gently over the red frills, pleased at the rumbling purr it seems to evoke.

“Soo…. what does Siha mean?” she mumbles, continuing her lazy exploration.

“A Siha is one of the warrior-angels of the goddess Arashu,” Thane takes her hand from his frills, presses it to his lips, “Fierce in wrath. A tenacious protector.”

Willow swallows, blushing beneath his gaze.  _He’s been calling you a damn angel this whole time._  It’s about the highest compliment she can imagine, and she’s not sure what to  _say_.

So she responds with actions, instead; tugs her hand free so she can hook it around his neck and pull him down, kissing him cautiously - he’d initiated their kisses, the night before, so it’s her turn to take the chance.

Thane presses down into the kiss, one hand still toying with her hair, and Willow hums happily - it’s been years since she’s had a moment like this, and her brief time with Thane has already blown any previous experiences out the window.

She lets her hands roam as they kiss, fingers once more trailing over the red frills of his face.

Thane seems to laugh against her mouth at first, as though she’s found a ticklish spot - but the sound gives way to a near growl when she brushes the finer frills of his neck, and his arm slips around her back to pull her tight against him, kiss going quickly from sleepy to passionate.

_Damn, he’s good at this._  Thane pulls back for a moment and Willow sucks in a breath before he’s kissing her again, tongue finding hers, and she sighs and sinks into him as that delicious haze settles over her again, tasting his venom.

They have nowhere to be, no appointments or meetings or missions to rush off to; Arisa had declared Shore Leave, effective till tomorrow.

As far as Willows concerned, they can stay  _right_  where they are all damn day. Kissing and touching and learning, exploring, and if his hand tracing the small of her back and his lips claiming hers is as far as they go, then she’ll be content, so long as he’s near.

Then his omnitool starts  _beeping_ , and she nearly giggles at the annoyed growl that vibrates against her mouth.

Thane seems in no hurry to answer the call - only goes back to kissing her, hands trailing over her, and as much as Willow  _wants_  to just ignore it and enjoy the moment, she can’t quite stop the laughter.

“Shouldn’t you get that?” she manages to whisper, the words muffled between them.

“No.” he nips her bottom lip as though in reprimand, nuzzling at her.

Willow tilts her head back and away, giggling -  _actually giggling, what the heck?_  - again at the annoyed sound he makes, “Could be important.”

Thane only responds by trailing kisses and nips along her jaw and her neck, pausing briefly to nip harder at the hollow of her throat before continuing along her shoulder, making that addictive rumbling sound the entire time.

“What if it’s Kolyat?” she gasps, shivering under the attentions - she can’t help it, though, because his omni is  _still beeping_ , who else could it…?

Thane freezes for a moment, lips pressed distractingly to her shoulder -  _when did my shirt slip down? Oops_  - before he sighs and slowly pulls back, giving her a  _look_  before glancing at his omnitool.

A look that disappears into one of surprise, and when he pulls fully back into a sitting position she knows she was right.

“Apologies, Willow, but-”

Willow grins and levers herself into a sit, leaning in to brush her lips over his and mumble, “Go on, shoo. Talk to your son for a bit.”

Thane’s look is pure appreciation, briefly returning the kiss before standing and heading out into the main area, activating the call as he goes.

Willow flops back onto her pillow and closes her eyes with a sigh, waiting for the haze of the venom to wear off.  _Wonder if I’ll get used to that, over time._  She can’t say she minds it, either way.

Once the haze is mostly gone, she pushes up from the bed and stretches, padding quietly out of the bedroom and heading immediately to the bathroom, giving Thane privacy.

Willow hums as she gets washed - brushing her teeth, scrubbing her face, combing out the tangled mess her hair’s become overnight - then moves to the doorway, leaning against the frame.

Thane is speaking quietly, leaning one hip against the kitchen counter, looking for all the world as though he  _belongs_  there. As if he’s always been here, in her space.

So she crosses her arms and lets herself imagine, for a moment; imagine what might be, if they had the time.

It would be no problem for him to move in - there’s definitely enough space, she’d gotten the bigger one-bedroom suite on purpose,  _need the space to breathe_ , - and hell, if they survive this damn mission, she might ask him to, regardless.

_Kolyat can come visit, and Arisa and Garrus and the others. I can always go back to C-Sec._  Thane catches her watching now, gives her a quiet grin, and her own lips pull into a responding smile,  _Yeah, it’d be safer than traipsing around space, for both of us. Thane wouldn’t have to take anymore hits - Bailey would let me back no problem. Maybe we can get a pet or something, I can have the atmosphere controls altered-_

Thane ends his call then, turning towards her as though to say something - then covers his mouth and  _coughs_ , the sound shattering every happy illusion she’d allowed herself to entertain.

Willow’s across the room quicker than she’s ever moved off a battlefield, already reaching for him -  _should I be checking his temperature? What’s even normal for drell? What should I_  - settling with placing a hand on his cheek and scowling, “Are you alright? Do you need anything? It’s not warm enough, is it? I  _knew_  I should have turned the temperature up-”

“ _Breathe_ , Siha.” Thane admonishes quietly, voice seeming normal, and his arms slipping around her steady her, pull her back from her panic, “I’m alright. Just a cough.”

“You sure?” she sighs, tries to relax, but it’s hard when all she can think is  _I am not letting him go any earlier then I have to._

“I’m sure.” he promises, pressing a kiss to her forehead, thumb stroking the curve of her hip through her sweater, “We have time, Willow. I’m not going anywhere. Not yet.”

“Okay.” she says, clinging tighter, because the words both calm her down and remind her, again, that their time together is limited.  _Make the most of it. Enjoy it._

They stand there for several moments, just enjoying each other’s presence, content - until Willow’s stomach gives a loud growl, and she blushes at the amused chuckle from Thane.

“I  _definitely_  don’t have any food in the house,” she mutters, annoyed, “Guess we’ll have to go out for breakfast, if that’s alright?”

“I had meant to ask; that  _was_ Kolyat. He wondered if we might be able to meet, while we are still on the Citadel.” Thane’s thumb resumes it’s stroking, and she wonder if he realizes just how  _distracting_  the touch is, “I suggested brunch, at the Zakera Cafe. Perhaps Shepard and Garrus would wish to join, as well?”

“They’re probably  _ravenous_ , going by what we almost walked in on last night.” Willow laughs, delighted, “Sounds like a plan. I’ll message them and see if they’re awake.”

“Then I shall get dressed, in an effort to be prepared.” Thane steals one last quick kiss before pulling away, his warmth lingering in a way that makes her stupidly giddy.

_To fast? Meh._ Willow brings up her omni and starts typing, not allowing the depressing thoughts to take hold,  _Don’t have time to go slow._

W. Shepard: Hey, you two awake? Wanna get food?

A. Shepard: Hey, yeah, we’re up. What were you thinking?

W. Shepard: Zakera Cafe in an hour? I need to return my dress first. Kolyat’s coming to.

A. Shepard: Sounds good, we’re starving. So long as no one’s getting punched this time.

W. Shepard: No promises. Hope you two had  _fun_  last night ;P

 

Arisa doesn’t respond, and Willow’s grinning as she heads for the bedroom, stepping back to let Thane pass and then moving inside.

She tosses her sweater on the bed and her panties in the laundry, then digs through her drawers and pulls on a clean set - green and lacy, since she’d brought most of her plain sets onboard the Normandy.

Willow finds and tugs on a pair of black jeans and socks, then starts looking for a shirt - she doesn’t need to be mission ready, today, she can wear whatever she wants.

_Although considering most of my wardrobe is N7 based or black, it’s not like I’ll look much different from normal. Okay, pick up the pace, c’mon, just pick a damn shirt._

“Willow, we should make haste if you still wish to drop our formalwear off - ah.” Thane’s voice sounds behind her just as she’s tugging an N7 t-shirt on - it’s not her favorite shirt, but it looks nice and doesn’t have any holes, so it’ll do - and she finishes tugging it down just as he says “My apologies, Siha. I did not mean to walk in while you were dressing.”

“Thane, if I’d cared, I’d have closed the door.” she laughs, smoothing out the material and spinning to face him, “And you  _maybe_  saw my bra strap. Relax.”

“I do not wish to push any boundaries you do not want crossed,” he says simply, pacing forwards till they stand maybe a foot apart, “Though now I find myself curious, Siha. You have a  _design_  on your back?”

“A tattoo, yeah.”

“May I ask what it is of? I caught only a glimpse.”

“I’ll show you later.” she grins, winking, and Thane’s expression shifts from serious to amusement.

“Come on. Let’s head out, or else we’ll be late for the brunch  _we_  arranged.”

* * *

 

 They stop to drop their formal-wear off first, politely thanking the hanar for the services, then head off back to Zakera Ward.

Willow’s happy to walk, and she reaches out for Thane’s hand without really thinking about it - ecstatic and blushing when he slips his hand easily into hers, mismatched digits somehow just  _fitting_.

They talk quietly along the way - small things, not a mention of the mission or anything more serious,  _safe_  things - but it’s only once they’re in sight of the Cafe that Willow realizes something, coming to a dead stop.

Thane tenses, gaze darting around for enemies before returning to her, confusion clear, “Siha?”

“Thane. Should we be…” she pauses, sucks in a breath, “Will Kolyat be upset that we’re… y’know?”

“That we’re together?” he asks, and she flushes, nodding.

To her surprise, Thane looks away, almost embarrassed, “You need not worry about that, Willow. I may have… let slip, that I am incredibly fond of you. When we spoke last.”

“And he’s not mad?”

“He understands that you had nothing to do with our past, if that’s your concern. So no, I do not believe he is mad.” a pause, then “Not… necessarily  _happy_ , but not angry.”

“Okay. I can work with that.” Willow sucks in a breath and gives his hand a squeeze, forcing herself to move towards the cafe, “Well, let’s get this over with, shall we?”

Thane chuckles and falls easily into step beside her, and soon enough they’re in front of the cafe.

Kolyat steps away from where he’d been leaning against the wall and comes to meet them, nodding his head quietly. “Father.” he greets, then turns his gaze to Willow, expression one she can’t read.

“Time for proper introductions, then,” Thane breaks the silence, expression calm, “Willow, you know my son, Kolyat. Kolyat, this is Willow Shepard, the woman who Woke me on Illium, as it were.”

Willow tries to smile, offering her hand (her  _free_  hand, because she realizes a moment too late that Thane is still holding her left), “Nice to meet you properly, Kolyat.”

Kolyat hesitates a moment, then accepts the gesture, grip tight, “Likewise, Shepard. Father said we were meeting others as well?”

“Yeah, my cousin and her other half-” Willow trails off as she scans the cafe, blinking, “-huh. And also her adopted Krogan son, apparently. They brought  _Grunt_.”

Thane chuckles and Kolyat blinks; Willow only shrugs and leads the way inside, heading for the table near the back left of the Cafe.

Arisa spots them and waves, lips tilted in a wry grin. “Hey, good morning. Is it still morning?”

“Pretty sure it’s afternoon now, ‘Risa.” Willow grins, trying not to laugh, “So uh… picked up some company, huh?”

Arisa just shrugs, though it’s clear from Garrus’ expression that he’s at least a  _little_  miffed by the Krogan sitting at the opposite end of the table, stuffing his face.

_Probably just wanted more alone time with Arisa, poor baby._

“Ah, Battlemaster’s Kin! It’s about time!” Grunt cheers when he spots her, grinning toothily, “Join us! The grub’s delicious!”

“He messaged me saying he was bored and starving right after we talked,” Arisa explains, “And we all know having Grunt be bored is a  _bad_  idea.”

“Can’t say I fault your logic.”

Introductions are made, food is grabbed, and the next hour or so is spent relaxing and talking, chatting about everything from the ball to the shenanigans the crew’d been up to on shore leave, to the plans for the rest of the day.”

“Grunt wanted to check out the Armax Arena over on the Silversun Strip.” Arisa downs a swallow of coffee, sharing a look with Garrus, “We figured we’d indulge him for a bit.”

“Don’t have any other plans, anyways.” Garrus agrees, and the two are  _definitely_  sitting closer than they would have before, a different sort of aura around them.

Willow grins at them over her coffee mug, “What, not planning to lock us out of the hotel room again today?”

Thane chuckles at her side, Kolyat looks confused, and Grunt’s to busy eating to notice.

Arisa goes  _red_  and Garrus looks away, coughing awkwardly; Willow only sips her coffee and waits.

“...may have forgotten to message you, before…” the redhead manages after a moment, “Sorry, Willow.”

“Did you have a good night, at least?”

That makes Arisa  _smile_ , shuffling herself closer to Garrus’ side, the turian in turn giving in and letting his arm rest over her shoulders, “The  _best_. How about…?”

Conscious of Kolyat’s presence on Thane’s other side, Willow only slides her hand over Thane’s where it rests on the table, happy when he flips it so she can twine her fingers with his.

Arisa gets the message, and her smile widens.

They finish up brunch and head off to the Arena, Grunt leading the way excitedly, the rest of them trailing behind.

They get to the registration desk and Kolyat steps back, “I think I will pass; I’ll spectate the match.”

“Me, to.” Willow blurts immediately, giving Thane a look before he can question her.

The others register and head down to prepare for their match, and Willow follows Kolyat to the spectator stands, leaning on the railing and trying to think of what to say.

In the end, she starts with “I’m sorry for punching you, Kolyat.”

That seems to catch him off guard, and the others have entered the arena by the time he says “It’s forgiven. I understand now why you did it. At the time, I was to angry to understand anything.”

“I know.”

They watch the match for a bit, silent, before Kolyat says “Father told me about you. That you had woken him from his Battle Sleep. And I assume, by your actions today, that you are now…”

“Together.” Willow finishes, eyes still on the match, “Yes.”

“I understand that you had nothing to do with his previous actions, and I have nothing against you, personally. But please understand that it will take time for me to accept this.”

“Of course.”

They fall back into silence, staring down at the battle - Thane pulls an enemy into the air and Garrus snipes them, Grunts laughter echoing maniacally over Arisa’s directions.

“Why?” Kolyat asks, suddenly, “Why would you knowingly choose to be with a dying man? I don’t understand.”

Willow’s grip on the railing tightens, mouth curling sadly. “Your father isn’t the only one living on borrowed time, Kolyat. I just have a few more years then him.”

Startled silence, then “I’m sorry. He didn’t… he didn’t tell me that.”

“You don’t need to apologize. But please understand; I  _love_  your father, Kolyat. And I will keep him with us as long as I possibly can. But I will never apologize for that, and I’m not ashamed of it. Take your time, but keep talking to Thane; having you back  _helps_.”

“Keep him safe, Willow.” Kolyat says after a moment, expression sad, “Keep each other safe, if you can.”

“I’ll do my damn best.”

“I’M THE BEST! Were you watching, Willow?! The high score is  _mine_!”

Grunt’s boasting breaks up the conversation, and Willow turns to grin and congratulate him, the tension slowly fading.

Thane gives her a look and she shakes her head, lips tilted -  _I’ll explain later_  she tries to convey, and by his nod he understands.

Grunt wanders off to get into more trouble, than, Arisa dragging an annoyed looking Garrus along to keep an eye on him - Willow’s pretty sure she catches her cousin whispering that she’ll  _make it up to him later_ , because the turian brightens  _considerably_  as they head off.

Kolyat hugs Thane and shakes Willows hand before taking his leave, and the two find themselves wandering, hands clasped between them.

Willow quietly explains her conversation with Kolyat as they walk - checking out a few shops, coming away empty handed save another round of coffees - and Thane’s grip tightens on her when she’s done, affection clear in his gaze.

“Let’s get some dinner.” he suggests, voice soft, and they stop in at a little restaurant off the strip, grabbing a quick bite and then retreating to her apartment.

It’s early in the night-cycle, but Willow’s ready to crawl into bed and relax; it’s been an emotional day.

She’s stripping her shirt off as she crosses into her bedroom, yanking off her pants and tossing them in the laundry chute. Muttering, she starts to dig through her drawers for a shirt to sleep in -  _I could just sleep in my bra and panties, I guess, but I donno if Thane’ll-_  only to pause when a scaled hand lands on her hip.

“Thane? What-” she cuts off, shivering when his other hand brushes down her back, fingers tracing over her skin.

“You said you would show me your  _tattoo_.” he chuckles behind her, running his fingers over the design again, spreading warmth in their wake. “What is the design?”

“A tiger.” Willow responds on a sigh, eyes slipping closed at the gentle touch, “A big earth cat - free and powerful - with a Willow tree.”

“Fitting. And beautiful.” he traces over the tattoo once more before gently turning her around -  _when did he take off his shirt? I didn’t even notice_  - and looping his arms around her, grinning in that soft way he has when they were alone.

Willow takes the chance to trace her fingers over the stripes on his chest, intrigued by the smooth scales, the  _warmth_  of him beneath her touch - not at all surprised when he bends and catches her mouth with his, affection and longing shared in the touch.

“Thane Krios.” she manages once they’ve parted for breath, her fingers still dancing over his chest, “You are a  _damn_  good kisser.”

“Only when practiced with the perfect partner.” he rumbles back, earning himself another slow, lingering kiss.

“Ready for bed?” Willow whispers, barely drawing back to speak, “Back to the Normandy, tomorrow.”

“Yes, we should get some rest.” he agrees, hands smoothing up and down her sides, making her shiver, “Though could we perhaps turn the temperature up, Siha? Two degrees or so should be fine.”

“I knew it.” she mumbles, pulling away to do so, typing at the connected program on her omni, “I did  _ask_  you last night, Thane. I want you to be comfortable.”

“I  _was_  comfortable, Siha.” Thane steps in, wrapping her in his arms once more, “One night will not hurt. But I am grateful to you for accommodating me.”

“Anything.” she promises, and then he’s leading her to bed, crawling in after her with not a hint of the hesitation from the night before.

Willow falls asleep snuggled against Thane’s chest, listening to the steady beat of his heart - and pretending not to hear the occasional rasp in his lungs.

 

* * *

 

 Willow wakes to Thane once more playing with her hair  and stroking a hand over her side, and it takes them just a  _little_  longer to crawl out of bed with no incoming calls to interrupt.

They wash, get dressed, and head out after one last sweep of the apartment - pausing again at the Cafe to grab coffees to go.

“Funny, how we keep ending up back there.” Willow comments, earning a smirk and a laugh from Thane.

“It does hold good memories.” he responds, earning himself a quick peck on the cheek.

They meet up with Arisa and Garrus at the entrance to the docks, and Willow blinks, eyebrows lifting at the dress bag her cousin carries.

“Uh, hey, Arisa, we were supposed to  _return_  those dresses, remember?”

“I had to buy mine.” Arisa sighs, and at her cousin's questioning look shoots the turian behind her a half-glare, “Let’s just say impatient turians and intricate buttons? Don’t do well together.”

Garrus whistles innocently and looks away, but Willow can only grin - a  _huge_ , face splitting grin - and hook an arm around her cousin, loudly exclaiming “It’s about  _damn_  time!”

Arisa swats at her, but she’s laughing, and Garrus is sputtering, but Willow doesn’t care.

Not when the two of them have stopped being idiots and actually  _moved forwards_.

Not when Thane is at her side, feelings out in the open, ready to tackle the challenges ahead.

It’s only been three days since everything’s happened, and yet she knows that, somehow, everything’s changed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kudos and comments make my day! ♥


	10. Recklessness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Willow finds she can’t sleep without Thane nearby, once their feelings are out in the open - leading to a quiet, slow day spent together, before they go after the Reaper IFF.
> 
> Recklessness in battle leads to a conversation she hadn’t seen coming, and a realization that now, above all, she needs to treasure the time she has with Thane.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hahaha so this starts off fluffy and quickly becomes... semi- angsty. Oops. We’re getting close to the end of ME2, peeps! I fully intend to go past the events of ME3 with Willow and Thane, just a heads up! But yeah. There be feels ahead. Hahaha... oooops.
> 
> Dedicating this as usual to ms @kittenkakt for saving my butt and being my beta. And also to miss @lynngo-art as hopefully a morale booster to help keep her alive through school stress. You guys rock! ♥
> 
> Enjoy! ♥

Considering her military background, Willow had never had much issue falling asleep wherever she found herself. It certainly shouldn’t have bothered her to sleep on Arisa’s couch, considering she’d been sleeping there since boarding the Normandy.

Yet she finds herself tossing and turning, staring grumpily at the skylight, glaring at the fish swimming happily in their tank, drifting off only to jolt awake moments later, startled back into wakefulness by memories and nightmares.

 _I want Thane._  She realizes maybe halfway through the night, curling the blankets tighter around herself, resisting the urge to head down to life support and bother the drell.  _He’s probably already asleep, I’m not going to be an asshole and wake him up in the middle of the damn night because I want cuddles._

... _geebus Willow you sound like a lovesick teenager._

So she stays on the couch, rolling around and seeing every hour pass by on her omni,  _just finally_  passing out before Arisa’s alarm goes off.

_Why, life? Why do you hate me?_

Arisa casts her a sympathetic look, rubbing her shoulder gently. “Hey, take the day off. I  _know_  you didn’t sleep.”

“Uh-uh.”

“Garrus and I are accompanying Tali to the fleet, anyways;  _relax_  today. Maybe  _stop_  being stubborn and actually go curl up with Thane?”

“Didn’t want to bother him…” Willow mumbles, pulling her pillow over her head to hide the pout she can’t help.

“Uh-huh. Well, I’m going to get ready - you,  _shoo_.”

Willow grumbles under her breath, waiting till the hiss of the door signals her cousin’s left the cabin before sitting up and rubbing wearily at her eyes.

_Okay. Not even coffee will fix this, today - maybe Thane won’t mind if I steal his cot…_

Somehow, she feels like being in her  _boyfriend's_  presence will help her sleep. And if it proves true, well, she may be invading his space every night.

That thought makes her shiver pleasantly, a small smile managing to make it through the grumpiness as she shoves herself up and heads to the bathroom to make herself at least  _slightly_  presentable.

She brushes her teeth and makes sure her hair isn’t a rats nest before shuffling back into the main cabin, debating whether clean clothes are necessary and grumbling when she realizes that yes, they unfortunately are.

Dirty clothes are tossed in the laundry shoot and swapped out for a clean bra and undies, followed by leggings and an N7 tank. She grabs her blanket from the couch and wraps it around her shoulders like a cape, stuffing her pillow under her arm and heading for the elevator.

_I’ll come back for my shoes later._

Willow hits the button for the crew deck and shuffles out towards life support the moment the door opens, passing Kasumi on her way and ignoring the theifs giggle.

She hits the door panel and moves inside, frowning when he’s not at the table.  _Maybe he’s training, or in the mess - shoot, I should have messaged him._  “Thane?”

“I am here, Siha.” Thane’s voice calls from around the corner, banishing her worries.

Willow moves further in and stops at the end of the cot, blinking in surprise. Thane sits with his back to the wall, using his pillow as a support, legs stretched out along the cot - reading a book.

An actual,  _physical_  book.

“Sorry, Thane, I didn’t mean to interrupt you. I can go?”

“Nonsense. Your presence only makes my day brighter, Siha.” Thane looks up and pauses, blinking both sets of lids, head tilting a little “Willow. Is everything alright?”

“I didn’t sleep at all last night.” she admits, shuffling her feet, “Was hoping to come hangout and take a  _nap_ , honestly. But I don’t want to bother you-”

“Willow, my  _Siha_ , you are never a bother. Here.” Thane tucks the book momentarily aside, reaching a hand out to her, “Come, sit with me. Make yourself comfortable.”

Willow bites her lip and plops her pillow down on the table for later use, taking his hand and letting him draw her closer, carefully climbing onto the cot with him.

_Thankfully, Cerberus seems to make their cots hella strong. Thank you Gods._

It takes some shifting and maneuvering, but soon Willow’s laying back against Thane’s chest, nestled comfortably between his legs, snuggled beneath her blanket and already feeling dozy.

“What’re you reading?” she mumbles, eyes half closed - the man makes a  _damn_  good pillow.

“Much Ado About Nothing.” Thane chuckles, the sound vibrating through her pleasantly, “One of your Shakespeare’s plays.”

“I haven’t… read that one.” Willow sighs, eyes slipping shut as she loses the battle, mind already drifting away.

She vaguely feels Thane brush her hair from her face, lips pressing to the top of her head, and the last thing she hears is him mumble “Sleep, Siha, I will watch over you.” before she’s out.

* * *

 Willow wakes to fingers carding through her hair and her face buried against what feels like leather, body cocooned in cozy warmth that makes her want to curl up and go back to sleep.

Thane must notice she’s awake, because he chuckles, “Good evening, Siha. You’ve woken just in time; dinner was just called.”

“Dinner?” she yawns, jaw popping slightly, “I slept-?”

“All day.” Thane confirms, and he’s grinning when she pushes herself up on her elbows, “You needed the rest. And I can imagine worse ways to spend the day, then having one’s lover curled against you.”

“Flatterer.” Willow mumbles, tilting her head back, and she feels a small thrill when Thane immediately accepts the invitation; a hand on her chin to tilt her head  _just_  so, already bending to press his lips to hers.

It starts off soft, sleepy, growing deeper as she pushes herself further up, wanting to be closer to him, opening her mouth to touch her tongue to his.

She’s too preoccupied kissing him to really notice how it happens, but somehow she ends up in his lap, straddling him, his grip tight on her hips.

And now, she can  _feel_  that pull, that deeper want and longing that’s been dormant for so long, and she sighs and presses closer, mumbling happily when his arms wrap fully around her and his kiss turns hungry.

“Can I sleep here?” she whispers against his lips, fingers running along his frills, “From now on, I mean.”

“I would like nothing better, Siha.” he responds on a purr, that rumble building in his chest, making warm tingles shoot down her spine.

“Perfect.” Willow pulls back a little, grinning at his displeased growl, “Much as I’d like to continue this… I’m starving.”

“You  _have_  been asleep all day.” Thane relents, waiting until she’s stood up to follow suit, keeping a tight hold on her hand, “Come, Siha. Let us get you some food.”

They head for the mess, and Willow is only slightly surprised to see Arisa and Garrus at the table, speaking quietly over their own food.

Arisa perks when they enter, waving, “Hey, did you get some sleep?”

“I did, thanks to Thane. How was the mission?”

“Tali’s been pardoned.” Arisa pauses, shoves a hand through her hair with a rough sigh, “Only had to  _yell_  at the council to manage it, but…”

“You didn’t find any evidence?”

“We did, but it… didn’t look good for her father.” Garrus swings an arm around the redheads shoulders, mandibles twitching, “Tali asked us not to use it. So Shepard did what she had to. Gotta admit, it was funny as hell watching you  _yell_  them into submission.”

Arisa mumbles something, and Willow just laughs, bringing her tray over to the table and taking a seat across from her cousin, Thane settling beside her.

“So. What’s the next move?”

“We’ve cleared up everything I can think of; it’s time to get the IFF.” Arisa’s expression turns serious, “I want both of you with us, for this one. Maybe even Miranda - yes, Garrus, you’re coming, relax - I just have a bad feeling about this. Having more of us should make it safer.”

“You can count on me, Arisa.” Willow responds immediately, Thane nodding.

“Whatever you need, Shepard.”

“Thank you. I’ll let you know when it’s time. I know you spent the day sleeping, Willow, but… we should all get some more rest, tonight.”

“Yeah, uh, about that…” Willow plays with her fork for a moment, then shoots her cousin a grin, “I’m um… going to start sleeping in life support, with Thane. Heads up.”

“I figured you would, after the sleepless night you just had.” Arisa smirks, “Enjoy.”

“Hey, I figured Garrus would be moving into the cabin,” Willow says, shrugging innocently, “Had to make room, y’know?”

The stuttering from the two is worth every second.

Eventually, everyone clears out, needing rest for the mission.

Thane takes her hand again as they head back to Life Support, and Willow grabs her pillow from the table. It takes a bit, but they figure out how to fit comfortably on the cot, snuggled into each other, Willow sighing contentedly against his chest.

A mumble of “Lights off, EDI,” has the room plunging into near perfect darkness, with only the dim lights from his gun racks casting a glow over the room.

And while the coming mission will be dangerous, here and now, Willow has never felt more safe.

* * *

 Arisa’s worries about the mission prove true nearly the moment they’re on board the derelict Reaper; the Cerberus science team is dead, there’s signs of struggle, and the video logs they’d left behind hint clearly at indoctrination.

The Reaper may be sleeping, but it’s definitely not  _dead_.

“Let’s get in and out as quickly as possible, I don’t want to chance this thing affecting our minds.”

It’s Arisa and Garrus, Willow and Thane - and it’s a damn good thing there’s four of them, because as soon as they start crossing into the Reaper proper, there’s husks.

 _Everywhere_. Crawling up from beneath the catwalk, along the walls, coming from further down the pathway.

 _It’s going to be a rough mission._  Willow grits her teeth as she throws another shockwave, only vaguely noting the biotics from the others as they press on, to focused on maintaining the reserve to do anything else.

“Do not stretch yourself too thin, Siha.” Thane murmurs at her elbow, picking off an abomination with a practiced headshot.

“I  _hate_  husks.” is all she says in response, earning a quiet chuckle.

They press forwards, freezing when two husks are flung into their path by precise kill-shots, ears straining to catch any sound.

“None of us fired those shots.” Arisa mutters, confirming, listening for another heartbeat before motioning them onwards, guns at the ready.

It’s not even a surprise when they’re immediately swarmed by more husks and abominations, a scion following behind the main group - taken down by a combined effort from all of them, the Dragon’s Teeth beyond a grim reminder of the Reapers plans.

They press onwards, moving swiftly through the Reaper - spinning when a husk nearly grabs Arisa, taken down by yet another mysterious sniper shot.

“ _There_!” Garrus shouts, pointing at the upper railings - a Geth stares back, calm, sniper rifle clutched in its steely hands.

“Shepard Commander.” the Geth says, nodding, and then disappears around the corner, leaving the group momentarily confused.

Arisa recovers first, motioning them forwards, and soon they’re too busy fighting off more husks and scions to worry about the lone Geth.

It’s a long battle through the lower balconies of the Reaper, swarms of enemies appearing every time they round a new corner, until finally… they’ve found the IFF.

They grab it and head into what is hopefully the final chamber to disable the shield blocking the Normandy - just in time to see the Geth being overwhelmed by husks, thrown to the ground.

Willow couldn’t give details on the rest of the mission; they fight off husks and shoot at the core every time it’s exposed, rinsing and repeating, over and over until the core  _explodes_.

“Take it with us!” Arisa shouts, Garrus hoisting the inactive Geth over his shoulders before running for the balcony, leading the way even as more husks start swarming over the edges.

Garrus  _throws_ the Geth over the edge, the strange gravity pulling it straight into the open airlock; he jumps next, followed by Thane, knowing Arisa won’t jump till they’re clear.

Willow backs up towards the edge of the balcony and sucks in a deep breath, drawing on the remainder of her biotics as the husk swarm starts anew,  _knowing_  it’ll hurt but needing to get them clear -  _Thane’s busy helping Garrus, do it **now** -_

She vaguely hears Arisa shout “ _Willow, don’t!”_  before letting the power  _go_ , a harsh wave of biotic energy slamming into the husks and sending them flying backwards.

Arisa grabs her arm and yanks her back immediately, jumping together into the open airlock, and Willow curses when her legs crumple on impact, toppling forwards against the ground.

The last thing she hears is Thane’s panicked  _“Siha!”_ , and then all she knows is darkness.

* * *

 Willow wakes more slowly this time, energy coming back in slow waves instead of a static rush as it had the last time she’d collapsed - she groans and keeps her eyes closed for a moment as reality rushes back, not even surprised to see the white roof of the medbay when she finally forces them open.

She  _is_  surprised to find Thane sitting on the bed beside her, hands clasped in his lap and gaze flicking immediately to hers once he’s aware she’s awake.

It’s not his presence that surprises her - it’s how  _cold_  he seems, expression almost angry.

“Thane? What’s wrong?” Willow shoves herself up on her elbow, worried by the way he watches her - keeping his hands clasped, as though forcing himself to be still,  _clenching_  tighter as she shifts, “Did something happen?”

“Siha.” he says, voice deathly calm, and she’s reminded, suddenly, that the man is an assassin, “I am  _angry_.”

“Why-?”

“You deliberately put yourself in danger,  _knowing_  full well you did not need to.” his voice doesn’t change, but she can see his inner lids blink, see the way he holds his expression purposely neutral, “There was no need to overtax your biotics, Willow. That was  _foolish_.”

She can’t help it; she’s  _startled_. She scowls, struggling to sit up and face him, “The husks-”

“Could have been kept back with simple gunfire, or even a  _small_  shockwave, enough to allow you both to jump into the airlock.” Thane leans closer, and now she can  _hear_  the angry cord to his voice, “You were  _reckless_. On the Collector Ship, you said you’d been caught off guard and used your biotics accordingly, which I understand perfectly.  _This was not the same thing._ ”

“I just-”

“ _No_. There was absolutely no need for that final show of power. Even Shepard shouted for you to stop.” his hand is suddenly on her chin, tilting her head sharply so they’re eye-to-eye, emerald irises startling clear, “ _Foolish_ , Siha. Was it your intent to worry your cousin? To scare Garrus? Or perhaps to terrify  _me_? To see my heart stop as you fell to the floor?”

“I just wanted to  _protect_  you.” she manages, caught off guard by the quiet fury in his words, “ _All_  of you. I swore I would never let Arisa down again.”

“You let her down by being reckless.” Thane snaps, a brief flicker of emotion, and she winces, “Time is limited enough for us as it is, without you endangering yourself needlessly.”

“Isn’t that a bit hypocritical?” Willow jerks her head out of his grasp, annoyed, “ _You_  put yourself in just as much danger every time we’re on a mission!”

“I have never  _rushed_  an enemy, or collapsed from exertion!”

“You have even less time than I do! Do you  _seriously_  think I’m purposely trying to die?!”

“That is not what I said-”

“You insinuated it!” Willow blinks, trying to keep back angry tears, gaze falling to her lap, “I would never,  _never_ , purposely try to shorten the time we have left, Thane.  _Never_. I  _react_  in battle, and I can’t help that - Battle Sleep, isn’t it? Yes, I put others safety before my own - and I  _can’t change that_  - but I would never do something I didn’t think I could handle!”

“How, then, do you think  _I_  feel, seeing you in such a state?” Thane’s voice has gone cold again, quiet, and it’s worse than the anger, “I feel  _helpless_ , Siha. I can do nothing but watch you fall and try to catch you, can offer you nothing but another year and my protection. But if you won’t  _let me protect you_ , then what use am I?”

He stands then, walking stiffly away, and Willow lifts her head to watch him, lips pressed tightly together.

Thane pauses at the doors -  _Dr. Chakwas isn’t here, I didn’t even notice_  - but doesn’t look back, still for a moment before saying “I am… to angry, to discuss this properly right now. Get some rest.”

Then he’s left, the doors shutting softly behind him, and Willow just… stares, for a moment, processing.

_Well… shit. Good job, Willow. You’re fucking shit up again._

She’s never had a relationship this serious before, never gotten to the point where an argument was a big deal.

Never hit the point where it’s hurt this badly.

She’s wrapped herself in the medbay blanket by the time Dr. Chakwas  _does_  come back, face buried in the stiff pillow, shaking a little with the effort to keep from crying.

_We have to talk. Later. When I can stop blubbering like an idiot._

Because they  _are_  running on limited time, both of them, and spending it fighting is  _not_  the way she wants it to go.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kudos and comments make my day! Srsly... am I still doing okay?? Let me know!


	11. Together

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It’s time for the Suicide Mission, and there never seems to be a chance to apologize. Willow vows to survive - she’s not losing Thane any earlier then she has to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Terrible summary but I have a migraine and I’m grumpy and I’m mostly posting this so I can stop messing with it. Feels ahead peeps oops.
> 
> Enjoy?

It takes two days for the IFF to be installed - and even when it is, EDI advises caution.

_“I need to run tests to make sure it will not overtax our systems or cause any critical errors while passing through the Omega 4 Relay. I suggest taking the shuttle to your next location, Shepard; this could take some time, and distance from any planets or stations would be safest for testing the IFF.”_

They’re already in the Omega Nebula, since they’d headed back after dealing with Legion - waking it up, taking it to Heretic Station to deal with the Reaper Virus, calming tensions between it and Tali - so Arisa declares a very,  _very_  short Shore Leave.

“Let’s get everything together that we can; this is the last supply run we’ll get, people. Make the most of it.”

Everyone armours up and piles into the shuttle, and Willow wedges herself at the back, behind Arisa and Garrus - glancing constantly towards the front, and the drell staring resolutely out the shuttle window.

_I need to apologize_. She thinks, but there’s never been a good time.

That first night she’d been so exhausted from the mission and their argument that she’d passed out within minutes of Thane leaving the medbay.

The day after had been spent helping Arisa with Legion’s request, then taking care of smaller missions where the teams were specified - and she’s slept in the medbay since, not knowing if her presence is welcome in life support.

She’s only seen Thane once or twice, in passing, and they seem to have hit an impasse - neither sure how to proceed, how to move on.

_I need to apologize._  She thinks again as they file out of the shuttle onto Omega, but the moment she looks for him she realizes Thane’s  _gone_ , slipped out of sight when she wasn’t paying attention.  _Well, fuck._

Arisa can tell something’s off, but as always knows not to pry; just nudges her gently, gives her a look, and leads the way off to the Markets.

They’ve upgraded pretty much everything they  _can_  at this point, but it can’t hurt to look; Willow manages to find a small upgrade chip for her visor that’ll sharpen the readouts, speed it up, and then she starts browsing.

_Maybe I can get him something nice. Something to apologize with._  She thinks, then frowns,  _No, that’s not good. I don’t want to rely on something shiny. I need to just… be open, and honest. To **talk to him**  and apologize, properly._

_Arguments happen, right?_  She’s never hit this point in a relationship, before, but she’s sure it’s not all sunshine and rainbows, no matter  _how_  well a couple gets along,  _Just need to be honest. You love the man, and he was right; you are reckless, sometimes. Just admit to it and apologize and move on._

A simple plan, and one she should be able to execute as soon as she can find Thane - waylaid the moment Arisa gets a call from the Normandy and goes white as a ghost.

_Shepard, get back here ASAP! Collectors attacked the ship - they took the whole Crew! EDI and I got the ship back under control but we need you back here **now**!_

It’s a quiet, desperate run back to the shuttle, everyone piling in and saying nothing as they head out - entering a ship that seems a shallow image of itself, lifeless without its crew.

Joker’s debrief is both a sobering moment and a nail in the head - Arisa’s expression is immediately one of determined  _rage_.

“All squad members, suit up and get ready! Joker, head for the Relay - we’re getting through and getting our people back,  _now_!” she looks every bit the imposing Commander Shepard the vids and interviews make her out to be, anger radiating off her like a shield, and not one person questions her.

This is the busiest Willow’s ever seen the armory - every single squad member is present, checking armor, doing diags on their omnis, last minute repairs on weapons.

The new visor chip glitches for a moment when she tries to integrate it with her omni, making her grumble and head to the table at the back of the room to try and fix it, muttering under her breath the entire time.

She manages to get it to integrate properly just as they hit the Relay, stumbling briefly as they pass through it and cursing when a sudden jolt knocks her off balance.

Hands grip her arms and steady her from behind, and she stiffens briefly, turning and finding herself face to face with Thane.

“Thane-” she starts, hesitates. Swallows thickly, suddenly tongue-tied, feeling helpless with him so close, now.

Thane returns the stare evenly, but he’s not cold, now - he feels warm, expression acute sorrow, and that just makes it worse.

The ship rocks, debris of ancient vessels flying by the window, and the silence drags on, tense with things unsaid.

Willow jumps when his hand is suddenly on her cheek, cupping her face tenderly, thumb stroking over her lips - and that snaps every worry holding her back.

“Thane, I’m sorry for-”

“I apologize, Siha, I should not have-”

A sudden sharp lurch sends them both tumbling, Thane grabbing her arm with a soft curse and twisting so she lands on top of him, keeping her from slamming her head into the floor.

“What the  _fuck_ -?!”

_“Willow, there’s an enemy in the cargo bay!”_  Arisa’s voice snaps over the intercom, that quiet rage still lingering in the words,  _“Take a team and get rid of it!”_

“On it!” Willow scrambles to her feet and hoists Thane up, sharing a nod and hurrying out, already paging as they run “Grunt, meet us in the cargo bay! Get ready for heavy fire!”

_“Hehehe, on my way!”_

_Talking will have to come later._

The second they’re out of the elevator they’re diving for cover from a particle beam, Grunt happily shooting away at the thing from another corner, his laughter helping her track his location. They whittle down its armor and then stumble when it disappears back out the hole - flying forwards when Joker’s forced to take evasive maneuvers.

Thane’s barely pulled her back to her feet when that damned sphere comes hurtling back through the floor, sending them running to opposite covers and repeating the process all over again.

_Finally_  the damn thing’s dead on the ground, sparking and whirring, and Willow directs her team immediately to the elevator, knowing better than to stay in the breached space.

They make it to the bridge in time to watch the Normandy’s cannons tear through the Collector Ship that’s come out to greet them - and to again be thrown off balance when the explosion takes down their Mass Effect fields, sending them careening downwards.

They land  _hard_  on an exterior ledge of the Collector Base, everyone staggering back to their feet and checking the areas around them for damage, shaken.

_It will take time to repair the damage,_ EDI reports, and Arisa squares her shoulders and calls the squad to meet in the boardroom, one final mission briefing.

_We’re here to stop the Collectors from taking any more humans, to make sure that everything that’s happened hasn’t been for nothing. You’re the best team I could have put together, and the only people I want with me for this. We can **do**  this. Together._

_Kasumi, you’re in the vents; Garrus, I need you leading the second Fire Team. Miranda, Willow, Thane, you’re with me. Everyone else, stick close and listen to Garrus. Now let’s move!_

Willow feels a distinct pang of  _relief_  that Thane’s with them, even if they haven’t had the chance to talk, yet. They share a quick nod while they’re filing out of the room and towards the airlock, everyone splitting off into the specified teams.

She catches Arisa and Garrus pausing for a moment, at the end of the line, and keeps moving, giving them privacy for a moment.

Soon enough they break off into their two teams, Garrus leading his out of sight while Kasumi heads into the vents, and Arisa leads them forwards, following along the tubes so they can keep a close eye on the thief’s progress.

Good thing, to; Kasumi’s voice rings out about  _blocks_ and _heating up_ , and it turns into a race.

_Shoot down the Collectors and Harbinger, hit the button to remove the next blocker, don’t let Kasumi fry in the vents or let the damn insects take any of them down._

They move in an almost circle - whoever’s closest and not firing slams down the next button, moving forwards and covering, throwing biotics left and right.

Willow makes a conscious effort  _not_ to overtax herself, keeping a close eye on her levels, relying on her guns more than her powers.

Thane notices - managing a near silent  _Well done, Siha_  when they brush past each other - and she hopes to hell they’ll get the chance to actually  _talk_ , after all of this.

They reach the end of the vents and Kasumi works at getting both doors open - letting in their team first and then hurrying to let Garrus’ squad through, slumping slightly once everyone’s safely inside and the doors are locked behind them.

The relief only lasts a moment - the next they’re scrambling to free their crewmates from tubes, rescuing them before they can share the poor colonists fate of liquefaction.

“We  _need_  to stop this.” Arisa nearly growls, pacing in front of them, “We need to keep going. EDI, what’s ahead?”

_“Stinger Swarms, Shepard - to many for your armor’s augmentations to protect you from.”_

“A biotic shield could protect us, couldn’t it?”

“That could work.” Samara agrees, stepping forwards, “I could take a small squad through the swarms.”

“Alright. Mordin, escort the crew back to the Normandy; Joker will meet you. Garrus, take your team through the second route. Same squad as before, with me; Samara, when you’re ready.”

If Willow hadn’t been impressed by the Asari’s biotics before, she certainly is now. Samara holds the bubble steady as they make their way along the path, pausing to take down enemies and then pressing forwards.

Willow continues to hold herself back when the husks and abominations show up, throwing only small shockwaves and pulls and carefully monitoring her levels, determined to  _not_  let anyone down.

_Not this time. I’m not letting anyone down this time. I’m not making any mistakes._

Samara starts to slow towards the end, worn down, before running suddenly forwards, all of them jogging to keep up and shooting down any enemies that appear. She turns and  _throws_  the energy backwards once they’re all clear, taking out the Collector swarms following close behind just as the doors slam shut.

Garrus’ group darts in the second their own door is open - and Willow feels her heart stop when the turian stumbles back from a shot, only breathing when he waves Arisa off with an assuring nod.

_Thank the Gods, the last thing she needs is to lose him._

They’re  _so close_  to the end, to finishing the mission and getting the hell out of the base - but there’s Collectors at the door, trying to get through, and anyone not on Arisa’s squad needs to stay back and guard them.

“This is it. We can  _do this_. Every one of you is strong, determined, and together, you are  _unstoppable_.”

“Garrus, Willow, Tali, you’re with me. Everyone else - stand strong. The  _second_  it’s time to get out,  _run_.”

_What?! But-_

_Fear_  nearly overwhelms Willow, gaze snapping first to Arisa and then to Thane where he stands near the back of the group, fists clenching.

She can’t control who Arisa takes on her squad, of course, but… not having Thane nearby,  _here_ , freaks her out.  _What if one of us…?!_

Even as she understands her choices logically, she panics, jumping down from the ledge and weaving through the other squad mates, blanking for a moment when Thane isn’t there.

“Siha.” his voice murmurs in her ear, his hand on her wrist turning her, “Come with me, a moment.”

Willow follows silently - just a few steps away from everyone else, a bit of privacy - reaching for both his hands when he stops walking, frustrated and sad and  _scared_.

“ _Thane_ , this… this is the  _worst_  possible time, but I couldn’t find - it doesn’t matter. I’m  _sorry_  for being a reckless idiot. I never wanted to fight, or - I’m so,  _so_ sorry.” she feels like she’s going to start crying - feels the pinprick of tears in her eyes, blinking furiously to keep them back - voice nearly breaking when she says “ _Please don’t die, Thane._ ”

“I should be the one apologizing, Siha.” Thane’s voice is as broken as hers, bending to press their foreheads together, grip tight on her hands, “I had long accepted that I was going to die. Yet now I strive to  _live_. I will not go down without a fight; the Gods willing, we will  _survive_  this battle, both of us. So I ask the same of you, Siha;  _do not die_ , here.”

“You better keep that promise, Krios.”

“I will do everything in my power to be sure I do, Siha.”

It’s time, then; Thane moves to take his place with the others, and Willow joins Arisa’s squad on the platform, looking back until they can no longer see the starting point.

The sound of another platform approaching has them all drawing their guns, and Willow bares her teeth, ready.

_Let’s finish this!_

* * *

 

 The rest of the mission is a blur, and if asked to recount it later, Willow’s not sure how accurate she could be.

They’d taken out another wave of Collectors, hacked their platform to take them on… and come face to face with the purpose behind the abductions; a human Reaper larva, not yet active, hanging from the tubes feeding it human matter.

The tubes are shot out, the reaper falls, and the bomb is planted; Arisa comms the others to  _get the hell out_ , the missions over - then the damn reaper comes crawling back up.

Still, they’re a good squad, and they take out the reaper and the Collectors assisting it - and then the platforms spiral out of control, debris knocking them all out in the process.

Arisa’s awake first, Willow gasping and rolling to her feet when her cousin pulls the beam off of her, helping free Garrus and Tali from the debris trapping them.

It’s a mad race back to the Normandy as the bomb counts down, turning only long enough to shoot down enemies that get to close, running as fast as they can for the rendezvous point.

Joker stands in the airlock, firing at the Collectors following them, guarding as first Garrus, then Tali, then Willow take the leap, all turning to reach out and grab Arisa as she falls just short of the opening, yanking her inside.

Joker heads off back to the cockpit, but EDI’s clearly in control of the ship, getting them away from the Base  _just_  as it explodes, outracing the blast and flying straight back through the Relay.

Arisa and Garrus are slumped against each other, relief and exhaustion clear, and it only takes Willow’s brain a moment to catch up, freezing.

_Thane. Where is Thane?!_

She’s up and running the second the thought processes, footsteps pounding against the floor of the airlock, nearly  _skidding_  out into the CIC.

Willow pauses only long enough to do a sweep of the people gathered, moving the moment he comes into view, a flash of green and black near the elevator-

_We did it, we’re alive, we survived, we have time-!_

_“Thane!”_  she shouts, and he turns and starts towards her but she’s not waiting, she  _can’t_  wait - she just runs right through the room and flings herself at him, half-tackling him, arms around his neck and legs around his waist, laughing out loud when he staggers but  _catches_  her, gripping her just as damn tightly as she’s clinging to him.

“Thank the Gods,” Thane manages, whatever else he may have said cut off when Willow hooks a hand behind his neck and kisses him - a hard press of mouths, desperate and relieved, screaming  _you’re alive I’m alive we’re alive we’re together._

He freezes only a second before he’s kissing back, just as desperate, grip on her tightening nearly to the point of pain but she doesn’t care,  _she doesn’t care because he’s alive_.

“I love you.” she whispers, speaking against his mouth, “I’m so sorry, I don’t know what I would have done -  _I love you_ -”

“ _Siha_.” Thane’s voice is a dual toned thrum, vibrating right through her, mouth hungry against hers, “My Siha, you live - the Gods have smiled on me, to give me this chance - my heart, my body, my  _soul_  is yours, Willow, Siha-”

“ _Marry me._ ” Willow laughs, only half joking, and Thane growls and kisses her harder.

A cough and a laugh behind them serves only as a brief reminder that they have an audience, followed by Jack sneering “ _Ugh_ , can you two get a  _room_ , please?”

“Hush, you! I’m recording!”

Willow’s only answer is flipping the bird in their general direction, not at all willing to separate from Thane, though she’s suddenly aware that they’re both still in their armor and that she needs him  _closer_ , dammit.

“I think I like that idea.” she hums, swinging her legs down to stand, laughing giddily at the tight grip Thane keeps on her waist, smirk mirroring hers as he takes the lead - mouth back on hers the moment the elevator door closes behind them.

“You  _tempt_  me, Siha.” Thane growls, separating only once they’ve reached the crew deck to lead the way to life support.

“That’s kind of the  _plan_.” Willow purrs back, still high on the success of the mission and and the relief of them both being alive.

A quick request to EDI has the door locked behind them, and they each scramble out of their own armor - being frustrated by unfamiliar buckles isn’t something either wants to deal with, right now - and then they’re facing each other, Thane in his boxers, Willow down to her bra and panties.

And then they just  _pause_. Looking at each other, taking each other in as they haven’t really stopped to do before, calm, now, in the safety of the familiar space.

Then Thane steps forwards, wraps his arms around her, and Willow sighs and melts happily against him, leaning up to meet his kiss.

“Are you sure, Siha?” he questions once more, hands trailing up and down her back, “Once we do this, there is no turning back. You will be mine, as I will be yours - for however long my life lasts.”

There’s no hesitation, now; only a quiet laugh as she slips her arms around his neck, pressing close. “Take me to bed, Thane. I’ve never been  _more_  sure of anything.”

Thane growls and then sweeps her up, carrying her to their cot, and it’s several hours before either of them thinks of anything but reassuring themselves that they are both very much alive.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kudos and comments make my day! Srsly guys I hope this was okay ;;


	12. Calm

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There’s a brief moment, a calm before the storm, and Willow and Thane make the most of it... before reality returns with a call from Arisa.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fluff. Complete and utter fluff. And some sweet, fluffy, sleepy smut to start off the chapter - consider it a makeup for not having any last chapter oops.
> 
> Enjoy! This is like... the one fluffy interlude you get guys.

Willow wakes once more to the feeling of Thane's hand drifting up and down her back, fingers trailing briefly over her tattoo, then following her spine in a way that makes her shiver.

This time is distinctly different in that there's no clothes between them; all she feels is his warmth, the mix of skin and fine scales that she's slowly come to love, the distinct rise and fall of his chest.

She hears the rattle, to - faint, well hidden asides from the occasional knock, quiet but  _there_ , beneath her ear - and she turns her head quietly to press a her lips to the scales there, a gentle kiss meant more to reassure herself.

Thane hums beneath her, hand maintaining its lazy stroking motion while the other comes to rest on her bottom, giving the flesh a firm squeeze that has her purring and snuggling closer.

"Good morning, Siha." he chuckles, voice distinctly husky, doing all  _sorts_  of wonderful things to her insides, "Sleep well?"

"Mmmm, best sleep of my  _life_." Willow sighs, shifting so she can push herself up on her elbows and grin down at her lover, "And how did  _you_  sleep, Mr. Krios?"

"Quite well." Thane's voice is still doing that rumbly thing, and it's  _definitely_  on purpose; his smirk is to telling for it to be an accident, "Though I suppose that is to be expected, when one spends hours making love to their  _Siha_."

"Gotta say, Thane, for your first time with a human... mmph. You certainly know how to ruffle  _my_  feathers."

"Mordin's diagrams  _may_  have come in handy." he responds, and she laughs, giddy.

"I can't even say anything, since I checked out the Drell diagrams he sent me, too." Willow bends closer, bumping their noses together before ghosting her lips over his, "Though I must say... the real deal is  _much_  more impressive then the pictures."

Thane snorts - a reaction so unlike him she can't help snickering - and uses his hand on her ass to pull her firmly  _down_ , the clear bump of his erection making her gasp and sigh, "I should  _hope_  so."

He's kissing her back then, tongue slipping deftly into her mouth to tangle with hers, and any remaining sleepiness is gone, replaced by a slow wave of desire.

Willow presses even closer to him, loving how he feels against her, body responding almost instantly to his touch, to his kisses. She feels the vague haze of his venom and only kisses him harder, one hand stroking up along the frills of his neck and making him hiss in pleasure.

Thane manages to roll them over without either of them toppling off the cot, a knee between her legs to spread them further, mouth demanding against hers as he runs a knuckle against her - giving a pleased rumble when he finds her wet and willing.

"Someone is eager this morning," he mumbles, sounding endlessly amused, rolling his hips easily against her - now fully unsheathed and rubbing deliciously against her slit, making her buck and mewl beneath him.

"Gods,  _Thane_." Willow wraps an around his neck, drawing him closer, arching her hips pleadingly, "C'mon,  _please_."

"Please what, Siha?" Thane murmurs, still moving teasingly against her, gripping one thigh to wrap it up and over his hip.

"Make love to me." she whispers, kisses turned soft.

Thane's expression shifts, amusement replaced by open affection and want as he shifts his grip and angles her hips up before sliding inside with one strong thrust.

Willow let's her eyes flutter shut and sighs in pure pleasure as he fills her, stretching her oh-so- _perfectly_ , subtle ridges stroking  _just_  right as he settles, fully hilted.

Thane shifts, and she opens her eyes again when she feels him press his forehead to hers, breathless at the clear affection in his emerald irises, all too clear with him so close.

"Willow, my  _Siha_." he breathes, staying perfectly still, one hand slipping around the small of her back to hold her close, "I do not deserve you, or this happiness. I was ready to die - yet now, I must fight. I know not how long I have left in this world, Siha, but whatever time is left to me is yours. You have  _bound_  me as I have not been bound in years. And I will  _never_  let go of this love."

Then he moves, thrusting quickly in and out, and Willow can hardly  _breathe_ , to caught by the emotions, the words, the wonderful feeling of him inside of her.

It's a completely new experience, having sex with a man she loves dearly, and she would never,  _ever_  trade it for anything.

_If a few years is all we have, let's make the most of them._

* * *

 

 They lay together afterwards, catching their breath, and Willow near flinches every time his rasps in his chest, clinging more tightly.

"I love you, Thane." she mumbles, needing to fill the silence, needing to be open and honest, this time.

Thane merely presses a kiss to her hair, his hand once more running up and down her back. "I have a gift for you."

"Huh?"

He shifts, leaning slightly over the edge of the cot to reach beneath, pulling out a small box. "This is what I was looking for, while we were on Omega."

Willow shifts so that she's kneeling beside him - marvelling for a moment at how  _comfortable_  she feels with him, still completely naked and sex tousled, even as they sit and talk - taking the box and hesitating a moment before popping the lid, blinking in surprise.

"A hair pin?" she asks, gingerly lifting the delicate item from the box to examine it, surprised - a simple silver hair pin, with an emerald stone and simple detailing. Elegant, and so damn  _pretty_  she can't help staring. "It's beautiful, but why...?"

"I thought to offer it in apology." Thane hooks his arm around her waist to pull her against his side, nuzzling against her cheek, "I have not...  _romanced_  in a long time, Willow. I wanted to spoil you, in some small way."

"You spoil me just by  _being_  with me, Thane." Willow chides softly, but she's smiling, leaning up to brush her lips over his, " _Thank you_ , it's beautiful."

"I am pleased that you like it." he returns the kiss for a moment before pulling back, taking the pin and carefully sliding it into her hair, smiling at the image. "It suits you perfectly, Willow. I'd hoped it would."

"Flatterer." she laughs, curling further into him, head resting against his shoulder.

They lay like that for several minutes, comfortable and relaxed. The mission is over, for now - they've  _won_ , made it out alive, managed to make it through in one piece.

Which leads to a question that's been on her mind even  _before_  the Collector Base.

"Thane... what do we do, now?"

"Hmm?"

"The mission's over... I don't know what Arisa's plans are, next, but we don't work for Cerberus, anymore."

"True. I had not thought far beyond it... I had assumed this would be my last mission." Thane  _hmms_  against her head, "And yet, I live. We both live. I think that so long as I am at your side, Siha, I shall be content."

Willow's heart jumps a bit at that, but she smiles and turns her face into his shoulder, nuzzling at the scales there, "I thought, maybe... I'd go back to C-Sec, for a while. Traipsing around the universe with Arisa will  _probably_  make things...  _progress_  quicker. And, if you want... you could move in with me."

Thane goes still against her, and she continues, babbling, "I mean, I've got plenty of space, you saw my apartment - plus Kolyat's on the Citadel, so you'd get to see him more often, too. I bet Bailey could find you something to do for C-Sec, if you wanted-"

Willow squeaks when she's suddenly pulled fully into the drell's lap, his mouth on hers smothering any other sounds and his hands gripping her firmly.

She's a little breathless when he releases her, blinking dazedly, "Is that a yes?"

Thane chuckles, husky tones once more colouring his voice, "Most definitely, Siha. It would be an honor to share your space."

"Good. Then it's settled." she grins, then kisses him again - and neither complains that it's another hour or so before they manage to leave the room.

* * *

 

 All things considered, it’s an easy transition from the Normandy back to the Citadel - neither of them had brought much with them, and the few personal belongings they had could be easily packed into their duffles.

(Willow  _is_  returning with more weapons than she’d had, admittedly, and she has to resist the urge to tease Thane about his collection of guns - an extra bag needed just to transport them.)

“Sad to see you go, Willow.” Arisa says, hugging her tightly as they step out of the airlock, clearly holding back, “But I understand the why. We… I don’t really know where we’re going, from here.”

“We all know the Reapers are still coming, ‘Risa.” Willow reasons, hanging onto her cousin as long as she can, “You’ve got more shit to do. And we’ll be here to help - just from the sidelines.”

_Where our illness’ won’t get in the way,_  she thinks but doesn’t say, grabbing Garrus before he can shy away and squeezing  _him_ , to.

“You look after her, you hear me? No  _disappearing_  this time.”

“No need to worry about that.” Garrus chuckles, actually hugging her  _back_ , “I’ll do my best to prevent any  _crazy_  shenanigans, though you know how Arisa is; we’ll see what happens.”

“Uh-huh.”

“You two take care, as well.” Arisa pins a hard stare on Thane, reaching out to shake the man's hand, “Anything you need, you call me. Got it?”

“Of course, Shepard.” Thane returns the gesture, meeting the stare easily, “We’ll keep in contact. And I assure you; I will do everything in my power to ensure Willow is safe, and happy.”

Willow can’t even help her blush, and Arisa just smirks, laughing. “Good man.”

“No slacking off now, Krios,” Garrus jabs, mandibles flared wide as they shake hands, “Keep your aim sharp. We’ll have to have a shoot off, next time we’re back on the Citadel.”

“Of course, Garrus. I look forwards to it.”

“Well, then…” Arisa hovers, rocking on her heels, bumping her hip against Garrus and making the turian chuckle.

Just seeing her cousin so much more relaxed and comfortable with the turian makes Willow infinitely happy, stepping in to steal one last, tight hug. “Take care of yourselves. We’re just a call away.”

Arisa sucks in a breath, hugs her back, and then forces herself away, blinking rapidly despite her grin. “Get outta here, you two. We’ll be docked another couple of days, if you want to grab coffee or something.”

“Sounds like a plan. In the meantime, we’ve got some shopping to do.” Willow reaches for Thanes hand, grins when he grips hers in return, and turns to head off, waving over her shoulder.

Thane switches his grip to around her waist once they’re out of sight, giving her an affectionate squeeze, “They will be fine, Siha. And we are never far away.”

“I know.” she smiles, leaning against him as they walk, “Now. I believe we have some shopping to do. Namely:  _food_  shopping.”

“Lead the way, Siha.”

* * *

 

 Life seems to fall into a pattern, after that.

Willow registers Thane’s fingerprints to the apartments lock, he makes himself comfortable in the space, and it almost seems like he’s  _always_  been there.

She gets used to waking up with him curled around her, fingers always trailing over her skin or through her hair - and it’s the rare day that they leave the bed without  _enjoying_  each other, first.

Willow returns to C-Sec, though on a part-time basis - she wants to be free, should Arisa ever need her. Thane stays on the sidelines - passing information, keeping track of any shadier suspects, a silent shadow at Willow’s back whenever she’s on patrol.

He speaks to Kolyat almost daily, see’s him at least once a week - and the younger drell seems to slowly,  _slowly_  be warming up to her, as well.

Nights are spent curled together on the couch, either talking or reading, enjoying each other’s presence, taking advantage of the calm while it lasts.

Because as she’d expected, the calm ends.

Willow  _knows_  something wrong the moment a call beeps through to the apartment main comm, Arisa and Garrus showing up on the television screen when she answers.

They both look  _exhausted_ , sad, angry - there’s too many emotions in their faces to name all of them, but they radiate  _pain_.

“What’s happened?” Willow demands, sitting on the couch, Thane coming to sit beside her and wrap a comforting arm around her waist.

Arisa sucks in a breath, sighs - and explains. Most of it flies over Willow’s head, but she gets the gist.

_Arisa has blown up a Mass Relay to stop the Reapers, and now the Alliance is locking her up._

“How long?”

_“I don’t know. But I need you on your toes. I’m not going to be able to access any information while I’m in there - the more eyes I have keeping watch for the Reapers, the better.”_

“We will be ready, Shepard.” Thane promises, echoing her own thoughts, and she squeezes his hand in thanks.

“What about you, Garrus?”

_“I’m heading back to Palaven, seeing if my Father will **listen**  to me this time, help get something going.”_ Garrus looks as tired as he had back when they’d found him on Omega, and that  _terrifies_  Willow,  _“I wanted to stay with Arisa, but I doubt they’ll let me.”_

_“I told him it’s better if he stays free, anyways; then he can keep an eye on what’s happening outside of the Alliance headquarters.”_

“You’re sure there’s no way out of it?” Willow asks, trying not to sound  _to_  desperate. She  _hates_  the thought Arisa being locked up for something she  _had_  to do, something that had stalled the Reapers yet again - but she doesn’t know how to stop it.

Arisa shakes her head,  _“No, I have to go, Willow. I’ll try to convince them to let me out as soon as possible, but I need you all listening for me. You’re still my Squad, no matter what happens.”_

“We won’t let you down.”

_“I know you won’t.”_  Arisa manages a smile, though it’s tired and lopsided,  _“We’ll be docking on the Citadel in a few days - dropping off anyone who wants to catch transports to other planets, since the Normandy’s headed to Earth with me. We’ll see you then?”_

“You bet.”

_“Alright. Goodnight, Willow, Thane. And… thanks.”_

The call terminates then, and Willow finds herself pulled into Thane’s lap before she can even speak, her head against the crook of his neck and that wonderful rumbly sound she loves so much vibrating from his chest.

“Worry not, Siha.” he soothes, speaking against the crown of her head, “Shepard will be fine, and we will be diligent. Her trust is not misplaced.”

“I know.” she sighs, shifting to tilt her head up, leaning in to press her lips gently to his, “I’m glad you’re with me, Thane. That I’m not alone in this.”

“No matter what comes, you will never be alone, Willow.” Thane says, kissing her harder, “I promise.”

_If only that were true_ , she thinks but doesn’t say, allowing him to sweep her away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kudos and comments make my day! And I'll admit this chapter is ttly unbetaed so please point out any mistakes ;;


	13. Forwards

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The War is here, and life seems to pass in a flash - things change, people die, but at the end, everything was worth it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HEY GUYS yeah this covers the entirety of the ME3 storyline oops?? I wanted to get into things that happen after, so I decided to handle it this way. Hopefully didn’t do to badly?
> 
> Enjoy! ♥

By the time the news hits the Citadel about Earth, Willow and Thane have been long prepared and waiting.

They’d known about Palaven the moment they’d been hit - Garrus leading a small task force and setting up operations on Menae, keeping them as up to speed as he can.

Liara also keeps in contact, even after heading to the Mars archives on Admiral Hacketts orders - right up until Earth gets hit, sending one final message of warning -  _Cerberus_.

The months between had been spent both preparing and enjoying what little time they had to breathe - enjoying each other, visiting with Kolyat, but always aware that the peace would be short lived.

Willow lets her hair grow out, knowing Thane’s love for running his fingers through it, teaching him how to braid it once it’s finally gone past her shoulders. She also starts dying it again - nothing crazy, just a deeper red that reminds her of Arisa, a more vibrant hue then her natural colour.

_Just felt like a change,_  she’d shrugged, smile a little lopsided, but in reality she’d noticed white streaks near her roots, and needed to cover them.

A small, insignificant effect of her illness, perhaps, but it had been a stark visual reminder that she definitely  _did not need_ , not right now.

Thane knows, but he says nothing; only pulls her in close against his chest and runs his hand through the newly dyed strands, murmuring that it suits her before chasing the worries momentarily away with a kiss.

They go running for Huarta the moment news of the Normandy’s arrival hits, and Willow nearly  _tackles_  Arisa when she spots her, her cousin squeezing her just as tightly.

Arisa introduces them to James Vega, Liara gets a hug, and she explains what happened to Kaiden, and that Palaven is their next destination.

_“Councilor Sparatus’ request - and, hopefully, we can pick up another **friend**  of ours.”_

Willow grins a little at that, tugging her in close to whisper, “Garrus is on Menae, fighting back the perimeter. He’s been keeping in contact, this time.” She can’t quite keep down the smirk that forms at the way Arisa’s face brightens.

They stay on the Citadel when the Normandy leaves, doing what they can from the sidelines, trying to drum up support and keep an ear open, keep people from forgetting that there’s a  _war_  going on.

The Normandy stops in for resupply whenever she can, and they always make a point to check in, catch up with any new people they’ve picked up, drag Arisa and Garrus out for coffee if only to keep them from collapsing a little while longer.

Mordin catches them by surprise, once he’s on board -  _“Have treatment, would like to try. Not cure, cannot promise results - but may hold Keprals off longer, add several years to life expectancy. Only if allowed, of course, will never force treatment on unwilling patient.”_

Thane’s answer is an immediate  _yes_ , and he spends the next two days in the hospital, undergoing the salarian’s treatments - and feeling stronger at the end of them.

The rasp is still there in his chest, when Willow presses her ear close, but it’s fainter, harder to catch, and he moves the way he had when they’d first met, after.

(A difference Thane is quick to show her, later on in the privacy of their room; one that leaves her breathless and hopeful, clinging to him.)

Willow catches the salarian in a hug before the Normandy departs, that time - so damned  _grateful_  that she doesn’t care about the past annoyances.

Mordin hesitates before awkwardly hugging back, murmuring quietly,  _“Am sorry I cannot do more, wish I could cure both Keprals and AEND. Keep hope. Am curing Genophage - other cures could follow.”_

It’s more comforting than she’d have expected - and when news later comes in from Tuchanka that Mordin had sacrificed himself to ensure the spread of the cure, she doesn’t try to hold in the sadness.

They’d known they were going to lose people, and it’s just the beginning - they keep them as minimal as they can, and for a time, don’t lose anyone else.

Then the Cerberus Coup happens, and while they manage to help keep C-Sec  _slightly_  in control and the station from falling completely, the salarian Councillor still goes missing.

Arisa’s team takes over clearing out Cerberus while Willow and Thane track the Councillor, finding him just in time to prevent the Assassin tracking him from completing his hit.

Everything after that is a blur of motion - Thane keeps the assassin occupied until the Counselor is out of harm's way, Arisa and her team showing up and trying to shoot him down, ending with a burst of biotic energy when he nearly manages to stab the drell - only to have Willow use Pull and throw him against the ground, driving her omniblade through his chest the moment he’s down.

_“Not today, fucker.”_

Everyone unloads a few extra rounds into the man's body just to be safe, and then it’s a mad rush to catch up to the other Councillors, taking down Udina before he can cause even  _more_  problems.

They get things sorted out, take a break, recoup - and if Willow’s especially clingy that night, Thane doesn’t question it or complain, only holds her tighter, crooning love and comfort and  _He did not take me, Siha, I am right here, you haven’t lost me, not yet_.

Things continue in this vein - Willow and Thane taking care of what they can from the sidelines, helping to get the Citadel back under control, getting as frequent updates from the Normandy as Arisa is able to send.

They lose Legion on Rannoch, but manage to reconcile the Geth and the Quarians - Willow makes sure to hug Arisa  _tight_ , when they stop by to speak to the Asari Councillor briefly - then head to Thessia, barely making it off the planet with the item they’d been sent to retrieve before the Reapers take over.

Arisa helps Miranda with Horizon and Willow gets the debrief just before there’s pounding at the door and the Commander herself is on the other side.

“You two, suit up and report to the Normandy.” there’s a  _look_  in Arisa’s eyes, an expression Willow can’t read, “You’re coming with us.”

“Arisa, we’re not really  _top shape_ , you sure…?”

“I don’t need you to fight, I just need you on the Normandy.”

Willow grabs her cousins wrist then, meeting her gaze, “Arisa. Did something happen?”

“Not yet. No. I just…” the Commander pauses, licks her lips, sighs, “I just have a bad feeling. I want you two close, safe on the Normandy… just in case. Please.”

“Of course, Shepard.” Thane steps in, a hand on Willow’s shoulder, “Let us just gather our things.”

Arisa slumps in obvious relief, and the two work at gathering the things they might need - armor included, just in case.

They move back into life support, and Willow takes a moment to pause and look around, grinning wryly.

Thane notices her amusement and sets his bags down to embrace her, brow ridges lifted, “What is it you find so amusing,  _Siha_?”

“Just… being back here. Where things kind of started.” Willow laughs, leaning into him, “It’s weird, but also nice… a whole other trove of memories.”

“A trove of  _wonderful_  memories.” Thane agrees, kissing her as she laughs.

* * *

 

 Arisa’s bad feeling turns out to be right - while they’re busy on the Cerberus base, trying to take down the Illusive Man and whatever troops may be left ahead of time, the Reapers take the Citadel back to the Sol System.

It’s an immediate rush back to Earth, with Arisa’s team pressing forwards into the wreckage while Thane and Willow remain back, protecting the Normandy.

It’s the two of them that nearly drag Garrus back onto the ship when he’s injured in the final stretch, keeping him from chasing after Arisa as she runs for the beam, managing to help him over to a crate to sit before they nearly fall over in the sudden liftoff.

_No one_  onboard the Normandy is happy about leaving Earth, no matter the reasons; the race through the Mass Relay ahead of the Crucibles blast only making tensions run higher.

They shoot suddenly from the Relay stream and it’s only Jokers deft piloting that keeps them from crashing into the unknown planet suddenly dead ahead, landing them safely and trying to make calls.

 

* * *

 

 It’s a good month before they’re off the planet, but they’re back at Earth as quickly as they can be - everyone anxious to check in, to find out what happened after -  _to know if Shepard survived_.

It’s EDI that manages to track her down to a small hospital in what remains of London - the AI alive and kicking, having only sustained minor damages during the firing of the Crucible - and Garrus leads the way into the room, hardly leaving it for the next month.

Arisa’s alive, overall in good shape - but she’d been injured, gone through more trauma than any other human could have survived, and all they can do is wait for her to wake up.

Needless to say, the day that Arisa opens her eyes and swears aloud is the day that Willow breaks down and cries, to relieved to do anything else.

And going by the stream of whispers and purrs that follow she and Thane out of the room, Garrus feels the same.

Thane draws her back to the present with a tight squeeze at her waist, his warmth a steadying presence against her side, and she manages a  _smile_ , now, meeting his gaze.

_Maybe, now, things can truly begin._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kudos and comments make my day! ♥


	14. Weddings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Time is short, and now’s the time to live. Two weddings take place, celebrations for all - but in the waking hours, reality returns. They need to plan for when the happiness ends.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> …omg don’t kill me. Feels ahead peeps oops ;;. Some fluffy feels! But also angsty ones. YOU’VE BEEN WARNED. Also there are TWO more chapters after this and then… we’re done. Holy crap. Has it even been a month? IDK?
> 
> So thank you for all the support I’ve gotten for this guys! We’re getting there!
> 
> Big huge thank you to @kittenkakt for playing beta, and to @lynngo-art cause uh… you can kinda blame her for the last scene lololol ilu Lynn I’m sorry
> 
> Enjoy! ♥

Willow stands in the shower long after she's done washing up, head tilted down and hands resting on the tile, simply letting the water pound soothingly against her back.

She can vaguely hear Thane from out in the main room, speaking quietly, as soothing a sound as the drum of water on tile. Then the stream runs cold and she sighs, shutting it off and reluctantly reaching for her towel.

It's been a month since Arisa woke up, but she's still recovering in the hospital - the Alliance had been gracious enough to locate housing for those closest to her, as nearby as possible.

The flat they'd allotted Thane and Willow is small but luxurious - similar in size to their apartment on the Citadel, but clearly far more expensive. Willow does her best not to think about the fate of its original owners, and swears, to herself, that they will only stay so long as is needed.

Garrus still refuses to sleep anywhere but the armchair they'd dragged into Arisa's hospital room, back when they'd first found her, but they  _have_  been managing to coax him out for food and showers, at least.

They've  _won_  - the Reapers are dead, destroyed, and Arisa's alive. The galaxy can start rebuilding, moving forwards - by all accounts, it's time to celebrate-

-and yet Willow feels suddenly exhausted, worn down and bone tired, wiping the steam from the bathroom mirror and scowling at her reflection.

Grabbing hair dye had been the  _last_  thing on her mind when they'd thrown together their packs to head for the Normandy, and now it's biting her in the ass; her roots are showing, and there's far more white then there had been before.

Nothing else seems different - she's spent endless hours squinting at her reflection, trying to find any other sign of illness, any other physical symptom, but the loss of pigment in her hair seems so far the only  _cosmetic_  change.

_I'm always tired, now._  Willow sets her hands on the counter and hangs her head, breathing in deeply, trying to calm herself,  _Even Masking, I don't feel the same._

Arisa hasn't noticed the change in her hair - or if she has, she hasn't mentioned it - and Garrus is to focused on the Commander to pay any attention, she knows. 

And Thane-

"Siha."

Willow stiffens momentarily, eyes opening as turns her head towards him, guilty.

_I didn't even hear him open the door._

"How's Kolyat?" she asks, proud of how steady her voice sounds, gripping her towel as she straightens - not worried about being naked, but wondering, now, if there might be some other change in her body she hasn't noticed.

"He is well. He has been helping the Hanar strengthen their defense systems." Thane's voice is proud, but there's an underlying tone of worry, and his gaze doesn't waver.

"I'm glad."  _I'm glad he got off the Citadel in time_ , she doesn't say, but they'd both been thinking it, relieved beyond measure when he'd first sent them a mail that he was safe.

"Siha," Thane says again, taking a step towards her, "What thought has you entangled so?"

"Nothing." Willow sucks in a breath, trying to smile, "Just thinking of everything we have to do, Thane, don't worry-"

She's startled when he's suddenly right in front of her, his hand on her cheek, expression a mixture of worry and affection, care and  _knowing_  -  _I didn't even see him move, fuck-_

Then he's tilted her head down, just slightly, and his gaze is on the top of her head when he speaks "Willow, my Siha. You are... losing pigment?"

_Dammit._  Willow bites her lip, nodding faintly, trying her best not to lose what little composure she'd been managing to maintain.

"Is it because of your illness?" Thane asks, hand gentle on her cheek, and when she nods again he lets out a breath, "What did Dr. Chakwas say?"

She'd gotten up early to visit the doctor on the Normandy, since the hospitals were so overcrowded and Chakwas is already familiar with her illness - and while the older woman had done her best to keep her tone light, the news hadn't been good.

"Five years. Maybe." Willows whispering, grip on the towel tightening to the point where her knuckles are white, "Less if I push myself too hard. The AEND is  _progressing_  now, Thane, it's - I  _can't_ -"

"Shh, shhh." Thane's arms are immediately wrapped around her, pressing her face gently to his shoulder, one hand stroking the back of her head, "I know, Siha; the Gods can be fickle, fickle beings. Am I safe to assume, that helping Arisa...?"

"...made it  _worse_?" Willow sniffles, losing the fight against the tears as she clings to his shirt, "The stress triggered it, she said - and using my biotics so much. But I couldn't just... I  _had_  to help, Thane, but-"

"I know." he says again, and that breaks the damn; leaving her sobbing against his shoulder, frustrated and angry and  _sad_ , both about their dwindling time and her own lack of control. She's known for years she would die young, and yet now - having someone she cares about, someone who cares so much about  _her_  - makes it all worse.

_You'll lose him, first._  her mind supplies, and that just makes her cry harder.

Thane holds her through it, still stroking her hair, her back, making quiet shushing sounds and whispering sweet little nothings, humming in the way he knows always calms her down.

"I'm  _sorry_ , Thane." she manages eventually, sniffling miserably.

"You have nothing to be sorry for, Siha. We are, both of us, working with limited time." he hums again, pressing his lips to her hair, "We must simply make the most of the time we have together." Thane's hand shifts then, tilting her face up to his, expression one of open affection, "Willow, my Siha, my guiding light - marry me."

Willow sniffles again, half-smiling even as she blinks back more tears, "Didn't I already ask  _you_ , technically?"

"True, but you never pressed the notion, so I thought to ask myself." Thane leans closer, pressing their foreheads together, breath tickling her lips, " _Marry me,_  Willow. Grant me this one request, and I shall be the happiest man to have ever lived."

"As if I would ever say no to you?" Willow whispers back, pressing closer to kiss him - pulling back after a moment "But I want to see Garrus and Arisa married, first. So that I don't have to worry about... about not  _being_  there."

"Then I suppose it is a good thing that Garrus intended to ask today." Thane's eyes glitter mischievously, and suddenly both of their omni's are pinging with  _urgent messages_ , an email from Garrus with a single, simple line.

_SHE SAID YES!!!_

"Well, then," Willow pulls Thane back down to her, shoving away the sadness in favor of these new events, "I suppose we have  _two_  weddings to plan, then."

"I need to find you a ring, first, Siha," Thane argues, though he's kissing her back, hands slipping down to gently pull her towel away, letting it drop to the floor.

"Find me one whenever you want." she purrs, pressing the length of her body against him and delighting in his growl, "So long as I get to wear a giant, poofy dress, I don't  _care_  how simple anything else is."

"Your wish is my command, my Siha." Thane promises, and then his hands are on her and all thoughts outside of  _yes_  and  _oh Gods Thane_  are swept immediately from her mind.

 

* * *

 

 The wedding takes place a month later in a little banquet hall just outside London, in an area that hadn’t been hit quite as hard by the fighting - all of its facilities up and running, and the owners offering it at no charge for the Savior of the Galaxy - and despite the quick prep-time, everything is  _flawless_.

The hall has taken care of decorations, food, drinks, music - nearly everything except the guests and their clothes. It makes everything that much  _simpler_ , and they’ve been able to spend their time finding dresses and  _relaxing._

Willow flits around the hall in the final hours before the ceremony, Thane an amused shadow following close behind.

Her hair is freshly dyed and she’s curled the ends to fall in wisps around her face, makeup done for the first time in months and dressed to kill in a dress of Arisa’s choosing - dark blue, embroidered, and with a short, floofy skirt that flares out  _perfectly_  when she spins - since, for all intents and purposes, she’s her cousins Maid of Honor and only bridesmaid.

_“Lets just keep this as uncomplicated as we can - I don’t want ten bridesmaids and I have a feeling a fights going to break out if I try to choose between the others.”_

Thane is dressed to match this time in a very  _human_  styled suit, but it suits him nicely, and he’d been quite happy to don the Earth garb - though now, his mission seems to be to make her  _relax_ , winding his arms around her from behind to stop her mid-step.

“Willow, Siha,  _relax_ , or you won’t have any energy left for the wedding.” he murmurs, breath warm on her ear, and she slumps back into him with a laugh.

“I know, I’m sorry, I just want to make sure everything is  _perfect_  for them.” Willow tilts her head back to grin up at him, shrugging, “They deserve it.”

“They  _do_ ,” Thane agrees, hands resting over hers - thumb stroking over the ring on her finger, a simple silver band with an emerald coloured stone - “But  _you_  also deserve to enjoy the night off, and  _not_  be bed ridden for the duration.”

“I  _think_  everything’s done, anyways.” Willow gives in, turning in his arms to lean up and nuzzle her forehead against his, grinning, “The hall did a good job, made my life easier - now, we get to play  _photographer_  for the rest of the evening.”

Thane chuckles and leads her away towards the brides suite, leaving her off at the door with a kiss - and then it’s time to help Arisa finish getting ready.

Later, as Arisa makes her way up the aisle to an obviously ecstatic and starstruck Garrus, Willow grins and snaps away, catching as many images of the moment as she can.

Arisa’s gown is covered in embroidery - from the off-the-shoulder neckline made entirely of lace down to the flared train - a gorgeous work of elegant detail that suits the redhead  _perfectly._  Not quite Willow’s personal preference, but definitely something that suits her cousin.

It’s a brief ceremony at both Arisa and Garrus’ request - a quick Alliance run through, ending with Garrus sweeping the redhead into a passionate kiss that leaves the guests cheering and Willow snapping pics like a maniac.

The  _party_  begins then; dinner served and music playing, a dance floor set up in the middle of the room, and after the customary first dance of the bride and groom - which Arisa had surprisingly navigated fairly easily, for once - Willow’s the first out on the floor, pulling an incredibly amused Thane along with her.

Willow grabs Thane’s hands and starts moving, grinning widely, not minding the few stumbles as they get used to each others gaits - it’s not like they’ve had many opportunities to just  _dance_ , after all - but they adapt  _splendidly_ , and soon they’re spinning around the dance floor, hardly noticing anyone else.

At one point, an old Earth song starts playing, and Willow laughs aloud as Thane spins her out, skirt swishing around her legs as she starts singing along.

“Come a little bit closer, you’re my kinda man - so big and so  _strong_ -” she drags the word, catches his laugh, “-Come a little bit closer, I’m all alone, and the night is sooo long-”

Thane brings her in, spins her out again, then pulls her close to his chest, catching her hands to switch to a waltz style of movement, swaying back and forth. “An interesting song, Siha.”

“What can I say? I always liked older music.” Willow grins, shrugging, “Catchy beats.”

“I’ve never heard you sing quite like that, before.” he continues, still directing her fluidly around the dance floor, “I  _like_  it. However…”

Thane bends in close then, speaking right in her ear, “...I prefer the way you sing for me in  _bed,_  Willow.”

Willow shivers, that familiar warmth blooming low in her belly as his hand rubs over her hip, biting her lip and fluttering her lashes, “Why, Mr. Krios, you must know, I only sing so well under your…  _skilled attentions_.”

“Only the best for my Siha,” he’s still speaking in her ear, tone gone deliciously low, hand slipping down and around from her hip to give her ass a hard  _squeeze_ , “Or should I say,  _Mrs. Krios?_ ”

“Ohhhh fuck I  _like_  that.” Willow can’t quite control her gasp, pressing closer with a purr, “Soon enough, lover. But for now…”

“...mingle a while, then quietly retire to our flat?”

“I like the way you think.” she laughs, pulling away only enough to take his hand and lead him off to the tables, eyes glinting wickedly.

 

* * *

 

 Willow and Thane’s wedding is a mere week later - much smaller, much quicker, and really meant more as a party then anything else - but it’s everything Willow had wanted.

Their friends are there, there’s good food to eat, drinks to indulge in, music to dance to - the ceremony is quick and to the point, and the party goes late into the night.

Thane’s dressed in a more formal version of the  _kurta_  he’d worn to the Spectre Ball, and Willow’s gotten her wish; a big poofy princess dress with a sweetheart neckline and scattered embroidery, a tiny little crystal tiara settled atop her head and pinned amongst perfect curls.

They spend the night dancing and laughing, not a care in the world - Willow’s dress billowing out with every movement, every spin, and she doesn’t even care if it’s getting stepped on at all because she  _loves_  the frivolity of the dress, loves feeling beautiful and elegant and  _alive_  - warmed by the way Thane looks at her, clear affection in his gaze.

Arisa and Garrus are leaving for their honeymoon the next day - a trip to Palaven to see his father and sister, hopefully with less shouting then the Spectre Ball - and Willow is sure to give them each a  _tight_  hug before the night is over, wishing them a safe and happy trip.

She even manages to get a hug from  _Kolyat_  before he sneaks out, having gotten in the day before so that he could attend the wedding.

They retire once most of the guests have left, making their way back to their flat - arms hooked around each other’s waists, Willow’s head against Thane’s shoulder, her skirts lifted in one hand.

The dress comes off moments after the door’s been locked, zipper undone by deft hands, lips pressed to the hollow of her throat as he slips his hands beneath and gently pushes the fabric down, leaving it to pool around her feet.

Willow sighs, stepping out of the gown and plucking her tiara off, tossing it behind her as she turns, giving him a small, loving grin.

Thane finishes stripping at nearly the same time, stepping out of his own pool of clothes, extending his hand to grasp hers and pull her in tight against his chest.

She’s tilting her head up as he’s leaning down, murmuring happily as he kisses her, losing herself to his touch.

They spend the night entwined, struggling to be as close as possible, finishing only to begin again moments later, never satisfied.

If there is one night that Willow wishes she could remember, perfectly, it is this one.

 

* * *

 

 They sleep deeply, and sleep  _late_  - by the time Willow cracks her eyes open the next morning the sun’s already risen, making her wince and snuggle back down into Thane’s chest.

She’s  _exhausted_  - not just the wonderful, normal exhaustion caused by a night of fervent lovemaking, but the deep, bone-tired exhaustion of her creeping illness, of the effort it takes to Mask, now.

Thane’s rattle is loud beneath her ear, despite Mordin’s treatments - not as loud as it had been, or would be  _without_  them, but undeniably  _louder_  then it had been - and Willow only clings tighter, running a hand up and down his side, loving the texture of his scales against her palm.

Thane stirs not long after, shifting with a mumble, eyes opening to blink in confusion - shifting to drowsy warmth when they slide to her, lips twitching up. “Siha. What time is it?”

“No idea, but I don’t wanna move.” Willow stretches purposely against him, batting her eyes, “Can’t we just stay in bed today?”

She doesn’t say  _I’m exhausted_ out loud, but Thane must read it in her face; he softens, brings a hand up to cup her jaw and stroke his thumb over her cheek, nodding. “As you wish, Willow. We do need to plan out our honeymoon; now’s as good a time as ever, don’t you think?”

“Mmmmhmmmmm.” Willow shuffles a bit, rearranging herself so that she’s laying against his side, head pillowed on his shoulder - taking the weight off of his chest, stroking her hand up and down the soft scales there. “We should go to Kahje. I’d like to see it -  _if_  you think you can handle it.”

_If your lungs can handle the moisture. We are **not**  going there if it’s going to make you worse._

“A short visit should be fine. I must admit, I’ve done some research on your  _Earth_. I discovered something. You have deserts.”

“We do.” the connection clicks, making her suck in a breath, “ _Oh_ , it would be like your home planet, wouldn’t it? We can go?”

“I would very much enjoy that, Siha.” Thane hums pleasantly, pressing his lips to the top of her head, “Where else shall we visit?”

“Hmmm, I don’t know, actually. Never really planned on taking many trips.”

“We can always decide as we go; we have two destinations, now, to begin with. How about…”

They lay there and talk for ages, neither noticing the passage of time, to content and safe in the cradle of each other’s arms, in the press of their bodies against one another.

They fall silent for a time, Willow nearly slipping back into sleep under the gentle pass of his hand against her hair, when Thane says, quietly “Willow, we should also be planning for… less desirable times. The future… and the day I no longer draw breath.”

That wakes her immediately, making her jolt up in a panic, “Are you alright? Has it gotten worse?!”

“Peace, Siha, it has not gotten worse.” Thane draws her back down against him, calming her with soft touches and kisses, soothing words, “I did not mean to startle you. I do not know how many years I have left - how many either of us have, truthfully. Willow, I was told I had perhaps two years left… over four years ago. Mordin’s treatments have extended my time, but…”

“...it’s better to plan ahead.” she whispers back, curling closer. “Okay. Can I at least have coffee for this conversation?”

“Of course. I believe it is time for us to rise from our nest, regardless; your stomach has demanding sacrifices for at least an hour.”

“ _Jackass_.” Willow manages to laugh, swatting at him, “You are  _so_  lucky I love you, mister.”

“I am unbelievably lucky, Siha.” Thane replies seriously, pulling her up and kissing her soundly, not pulling away until they’re both breathless and panting, “I love you more than words can describe, Willow. And I promise you, I will fight to stay at your side for as long as I can. Even when death draws me away, it will be temporary.”

“Is that so?” she murmurs back, smiling sadly.

“Of course, my love - and I will await the day you join me on the Shore.” Thane kisses her again - a soft, slow touch, one that makes her toes curl and heart beat faster - “Now, let’s feed the beast before it awakens again.”

Willow only nods, lets him pull her from the bed, and follows silently into the kitchen, keeping a tight hold of his hand.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kudos and comments make my day! ♥


	15. Goodbye

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They knew the day was coming, that it was only a matter of time. 
> 
> It doesn’t make the reality hurt any less.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys. This chapter is sad, and I hate that it had to be. I am not exaggerating when I say I was bawling my eyes out writing the last scene. It is angst. We all knew it was coming, but even I was unprepared for the act of actually writing it.
> 
> So while my goal was never to make anyone sad... if this does, it means I’ve touched the emotions I wanted to. It means I’ve somehow made you guys care about the characters - and for a writer, that’s amazing.
> 
> So... enjoy, as best you can. Probably not something you’ll want to read at work, or in public... just saying.
> 
> And one last note: this is not the end.

After that, they travel. First to the Sahara desert, exploring the sand dunes and local culture.

Then to Kahje, where Willow’s surprised by  _just how much water_  there really is.

_“I mean, I knew the planet was mostly water, but seeing it is different than just hearing about it!”_

They travel - taking a trip to Palaven, Thessia, even Tuchanka, once they’ve been mostly repaired after the War - and they  _live_ , enjoying their time together, making the most of it.

A year after their wedding, the Citadel is repaired and moved back to its proper orbit in the Serpent Nebula, and they move back into their apartment - it’s not  _perfect_ , not exactly the same, but close enough to feel like home. They keep it as arid as possible and Willow keeps careful track of the temperature, never letting it slip more than a degree.

A year and a half passes, and they live peacefully, officially retired but more than comfortable on the pensions and back-ups they’ve both put in place. Willow continues to dye her hair, and Thane’s rattle never seems to worsen.

Arisa and Garrus are constant visitors, along with the children they adopt nearly the moment they’ve made themselves comfortable in a new home - a baby turian girl and a young human boy, named Rilla and Tarquin after fallen comrades - and their presence is always welcome, a change in pace that gives them more energy, more focus.

Kolyat visits as often as he can - returned to the Citadel as well, taking a full time position in C-Sec - and for a time, everything is well.

Months pass, and as their three year anniversary approaches, things begin to decline.

Willow’s illness seems, for the moment, stable; she has no more symptoms than before, no more issues with her health or biotics.

But  _Thane_ …

Thane’s rattle worsens steadily, accompanied by a harsh, hacking cough that keeps them both awake at night - Willow cradling him to her chest and desperately wishing she could help.

She watches as he grows thinner and weaker, still witty and forcing smiles but coughing becoming near constant, pain hidden behind every grin.

She does everything she can to help, to keep him comfortable - she loves him, no matter his health, had chosen to love him even knowing this was coming, and abandoning her husband is the last thing she would ever consider - though she  _does_  stop dyeing her hair, no longer concerned with the colour.

Yet still it takes Willow every ounce of strength and self-control that she has to  _not_  breakdown the day Thane collapses on his way to the kitchen, wracked by violent coughing and crouched on all fours, leaning against the couch for support.

The moment she sees  _blood_  on the ground she’s calling - the hospital, Kolyat, Arisa,  _anyone_  - and then she wraps her arms around him and rocks back and forth, making quiet shushing sounds and doing everything she can not to cry.

Arisa and Garrus make it there first with Kolyat hot on their heels, and the two men help get Thane back into bed while the redhead takes charge of Willow, making her coffee, forcing her to  _breathe_ , _don’t panic, not yet._

The doctors rush in and head immediately for the bedroom, and Willow stares tensely at the door, hands shaking as she tries to sip her coffee, barely holding it together -  _only_  managing because of Arisa’s presence, her hand on her shoulder, expression one of concern.

Willow nearly drops her mug when the door slides open, practically running when she’s called inside - gaze immediately on the coughing drell in the bed, hurrying to sit beside him and reach for his hand.

Thane returns the grip with a weak grin, turning his head away as another coughing fit hits, and she looks desperately to the doctor, heart stopping at the way he shakes his head.

“I’m sorry.” the salarian twists his hands for a moment, blinking large eyes, “He has a few days, maybe, and that is  _only_  if we get him hooked up to a life support machine, ASAP. I’ve made room at the hospital-”

“ _No hospitals_.” Thane manages to growl, coughing letting up for a moment “If I am to die in bed, hooked up to machines, then I want to be  _home_.”

“ _Please_ ,” Willow adds, beseechingly, “We would be… please.”

The doctor says nothing - only types something on his omni - before nodding, turning for the door as he speaks “Alright, I’ll retrieve the mobile unit and be back as quickly as I can. Do not move him.”

He’s gone, then, and Arisa ushers the boys out of the room as well, leaving them alone.

Willow sucks in a breath, can’t quite hold back the sob that follows “Thane…”

“Willow, Siha, we both knew this day was coming.” Thane’s voice is tired, weak, but his grip is strong, an anchor that she needs now, more than ever. “In truth… I have lived far longer than expected.”

“It still hurts.” she whispers, bends to kiss his forehead, “I wish I could help.”

“You have helped more than you could ever imagine, Siha.”

The salarian comes back with two nurses in tow, and Willow reluctantly joins the others in the living area while they work, trying again to have a coffee and  _not_  break down.

The medical team finishes, and the doctor approaches her, voice soft but stern. “I must warn you, Mrs. Krios; even with the life support machines, he is fading. He has maybe a week at most - and if he is taken off the machine, he will pass swiftly.”

Willow swallows, forces herself to stand straight, “Understood, doctor. Thank you… for everything.”

Inside the room, Thane lays beneath the blankets - wires hooked into his left arm and feeding into the machines beside the bed, leaving the right side free for her to climb on and sit beside him.

Arisa and Garrus stay awhile, and Thane thanks them - for recruiting him, allowing him to  _live_ , to help. For being good friends, close family… for simply being.

They leave after managing to give the drell short, soft hugs, and Willow can tell her cousin is trying not to cry herself when she stops to give her a hug as well.

“Call us if you need anything.” Garrus says, and then they’re gone.

Kolyat spends some time talking with his father, making final amends, saying a brief prayer that Willow doesn’t catch all the words to.

Then he, to, takes his leave, hugging them both, expression lost.

Willow curls up against Thane’s side that night and lays wide awake; listening to his coughing, to the steady beep of the machines, to the rattle of the Keprals that is stealing him from her.

She sends out word on Thane’s request, and over the next few days they see faces they haven’t seen in awhile, some since the war.

Miranda and Jacob, Jack and Kasumi, even Zaeed, Gabby and Ken show up, wanting to say goodbye. Tali and Samara send emails, and Wrex, Grunt and Eve make a surprise appearance, letting Thane hold one of the newest of their babies - a moment that she can tell touches the drell deeply.

Exactly a week later, after all of the visitors have come and gone, Thane stops Willow as she moves to climb into bed, expression sad but decided, “Willow, Siha. It is time.”

Willow hesitates - sucks in a breath, blinks back tears - then nods, moving around the bed and shakily beginning to unhook the various wires, detaching the pressure-points and turning off the machine with a quiet  _beep_.

Thane sighs in relief, able to shift freely without the constricting wires, opening his arms to her and smiling softly, “Lay with me, Willow. I would have you in my arms for this last memory.”

She only manages a watery smile and crawls into bed, pressing herself fully against him, clinging as tightly as she can.

Thane holds her close, fingers stroking through her hair, murmuring against her head. “Willow, my beautiful Siha, my wife… I regret that I have to leave you like this. I have… made arrangements, you need not worry. Both for you and Kolyat…”

“I know…” she whispers miserably.

“Live well for as long as you can, Siha… do not follow me too quickly.” Thane’s touch is hypnotic, his words soothing despite the pain buried in his voice, “I’ll await you on the Shore, where there will be no more pain or sadness. Where we can dance, and laugh, and never again worry about losing one another.”

“Okay.” Willow sniffles, suddenly exhausted, tilting her head back to try and offer him a smile, “I love you, Thane.  _So much_.”

“I love you too, Willow.” Thane tilts his head, kisses her gently, then tucks her head beneath his chin, hand finding hers in the dark. “Sleep, Siha. The dawn will soon be here.”

“I don’t want to sleep. I-”

“Shhhhh.” Thane strokes his thumb over the back of her hand, the touch soothing and familiar, whispering “Have I told you, Siha, that your hair looks like starlight? Sleep, now.”

She falls asleep with his thumb stroking over the back of her hand, and wakes to a still chest beneath her ear.

Willow lets herself break then - lets herself cry and rage, face buried against him, chest burning with the effort to rein her biotics in, sobbing until she’s worn out and shaking.

She messages Arisa and Kolyat once she’s semi-coherent, and they’re there within the hour; helping to sort things out, get Thane’s body prepared to be moved, keeping Willow from huddling in a corner and losing herself to the sorrow.

They bury Thane on Kahje, as per his request - the same style of funeral he’d held for Irikah.

Willow and Kolyat stand side by side at the front of the gathering, watching the hanar carry the coffin away to the sea, saying nothing.

She loses track of how many people stop to offer condolences, of how many hugs she receives, how many sad looks and whispered  _I’m sorrys_.

At the end of it, she stands alone for a moment at the edge of the cliff, staring out over the blue, considering throwing herself to the waves.

Then the moment passes, and Willow returns to the gathering, joining Arisa and Garrus on the ship back to the Citadel.

_I made a promise. I’ll live as well as I can, Thane… I’ll try._

* * *

 

The first gift arrives only a few months later; a package at the door on the morning of her birthday, inconspicuously wrapped and only labeled with her name,  _Willow Krios_.

Willow scowls and brings the box inside after scanning it for any harmful contents, settling it down on the kitchen table and beginning to unwrap it.

Inside is a box of her favorite Earth sweets, packaged beautifully, with a little holo card attached to the top. She takes a seat and eyes it for a moment, considering, before pressing the  _play_  button.

_“Hello, Siha.”_  says Thane’s voice, and she nearly topples from her chair.

“ _Thane_?” she whispers, staring wide eyed.

_“If you’re listening to this, that means my time at your side has passed. I apologize; had I but one wish, it would have been to spend forever with you.”_  the message pauses, and she nearly laughs, recognizing his speech patterns,  _“I have arranged for several gifts and messages to be delivered to you on certain dates. Allow an ill drell this one last frivolity; that our memories together might still bring you happiness, along with these gifts.”_

_“I will not divulge the dates, nor how many gifts I have arranged; I do not want you living according to them, Willow. I want you to **live** , as well as you can, until it is time to join me. I love you, Willow Shepard - Willow Krios, my wife, my love, my Siha - and I will always be with you.”_

Willow spends an hour afterwards crying, replaying the message over and over again just to hear his voice, not bothering to hide the tears when Arisa lets herself in shortly after.

She explains once she’s calmed down, and Arisa’s just as surprised by the gift and the message -  _He really thought of everything, didn’t he?_

Their shopping date is scrapped in favor of staying in and watching old vids, sipping coffee and sharing the chocolates - and by the end of the day, Willow feels better.

The next present arrives at Christmas, a beautiful white wrap made of faux-fur, one perfectly suited to every fancy dress she owns -  _Beautiful but practical, something to keep you warm in my place_ \- and she wears it proudly to Christmas with Arisa, Garrus, and the others.

She receives a match to the emerald hair pin he’d gotten her for what would have been their fourth anniversary -  _A pair, so to suit your style better, my Siha_  - and Willow tucks them into her curls and smiles at the compliments she receives when she wears them out.

There’s fancy tarts for her next birthday - shared with her niece and nephew, when they come to visit - and a blanket even warmer than the wrap for the next Christmas, which she pulls around herself and the kids as she reads them old human Christmas stories, sitting close to the fire in the Vakarian household.

The final gift comes on what would have been their fifth anniversary, and it arrives without a message, or even proper packaging.

Willow stirs slightly at the sound of footsteps near her bed, otherwise laying still, each breath a struggle as her heart slows.

“Willow.” Arisa’s voice is close, wonder and sadness laced throughout, and she feels a pang of regret at the sound, “A gift arrived.”

“Thane-?” she manages to whisper, voice nearly gone, fighting to open heavy eyes.

“Yes.” her cousin answers, and that makes her fight harder, managing to pry her lids half open - blue eyes gone pale and blurry as the illness had taken over.

Willow’s gaze locks on to the object in Arisa’s hands, and if she had the strength she would  _laugh_.

It’s a seashell - a conch, the type kids try to find, believing they can hear the ocean from inside.

“We went hunting for these, once,” Arisa says, sniffling - and it’s a terrible thing, to see the legendary Commander Shepard cry, “Do you remember? When we had a Shore Leave, back on Earth.”

“I remember.” Willow sighs, fighting even as her strength fades, “Can I…?”

Arisa bites her lip, stepping closer to set the conch down by her ear, as close as she can without touching her.

Willow’s eyes flutter shut, breath leaving her in a sudden whoosh as she  _listens_  - hears the waves, the sea birds, the breeze, hears it  _calling_.

_I hear you._  She thinks, as her world begins to fade,  _I’m sorry it took so long, but I’m coming, now._

_Thane… I’ll see you soon._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THIS IS NOT THE END. THERE IS ONE MORE CHAPTER - AN EPILOGUE - TO GO. PLEASE DON'T KILL ME.


	16. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Guide this one, Kalahira. Guide her to where the traveler never tires, the lover never leaves, the hungry never starve. Guide this one, that we may be reunited.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is it, friends. We’ve reached the end of the story. Just... want to give a huge, huge thank you to everyone who’s commented, liked, reblogged, enjoyed this fic, and to everyone who’s helped build it into what it is.
> 
> This epilogue is short, and I don’t think I’m quite ready to let go of these two, yet - you’ll likely see other shrios stories, oneshots etc, from me in the future.
> 
> I know it’s early, but Merry Christmas/Happy Holidays etc. I hope this makes up even a little for the sadness of the previous chapter. ♥
> 
> EDIT: NOW WITH BONUS COMIC COMMISSION FROM LYNNGO-ART DOWN AT THE BOTTOM ♥

Warm water surrounds her body, pulling and pushing, supporting and guiding. The tang of salt water is strong in her nose, and she can hear the lap of waves against sand, the call of seabirds overhead, feel the cool breeze on her face.

She opens her eyes easily, vision as clear as it had been before she’d gotten sick, blue eyes blinking calmly up at the sky above, watching the clouds drift by.

A flock of birds pass overhead and her gaze follows them, trying to pick out the species - at least a couple of Earth types, amongst many she doesn’t know - and she pushes herself up to watch them fly away.

Willow sits still for several moments after the birds are out of sight - not questioning how she’s apparently sitting in the middle of a very calm ocean, how she feels  _young_ , healthy - then puffs out a breath and gets to her feet.

Her hair falls over her shoulder as she moves, and she stops for a moment, catching a strand and playing with it. It’s long - probably as long as it had been at her wedding - and back to her own natural copper red, gleaming like fire in the sunlight.

She bounces on the balls of her feet, flexes, testing muscles that should be rigid and locked with illness, finding them instead to be strong, supple - if she had to guess, she would say her body has returned to its N7 days,  _before_  the AEND, biotics awake and ready just beneath her skin, legs ready to  _run_.

Willow stands amidst the waves for a moment, just watching the water, content save for a single nagging thought at the back of her mind - a tug that says  _something’s missing. What is it?_

_No, not something. **Someone**._

_“Live well, my Siha; I will await you on the Shore.”_

“ _Thane_.” she breathes, suddenly alert, whirling around and staring in surprise.

She’s not in the middle of the ocean, as it had seemed; she’s just a ways off the shore of a beautiful beach, dotted with small buildings and a pier, palm trees and rock clusters and everything else you’d expect of a tropical paradise.

 _Almost like a resort_ , she thinks, eyeing the huts and bridges that extend over the water, laughing aloud when she spots a seaside bar,  ** _Just_** _like a resort_.

She scans the coast, taking careful steps forwards, sweeping her gaze over the buildings and rocks and sand - and then sucking in a sharp breath when her eyes catch a figure moving towards the water.

Her entire focus locks onto him, and she knows even from this far away who it is - green scales broken by black stripes and red frills, barefoot and dressed only in a light shirt and pants, stride determined and  _deadly_  and  _so damn familiar_.

 _“Thane!”_  Willow’s running before the names even fully out, crashing easily through the now placid waves, heart pounding wildly, “ _Thane_!”

She doesn’t know if he can hear her, but she doesn’t care; he’s made it to the water and is striding through it towards her, gait stronger then it had ever been, arms opening and expression so damn  _happy_  “ _Siha_.”

There’s no pause to wonder if he’s alright, if he’s been made  _healthy_  like she has; Willow only tackles him the second she’s close enough, crying and laughing, feeling his arms come around her as they land in the water with a splash.

“ _Thane._ ” she’s kissing him before he can respond, hands fisted in his shirt - pressing herself as close as she can and whispering against him, “Oh, Gods,  _Thane_ , I missed you so much, I love you, how…?”

“I knew Kalahira would bring you to me, Siha.” Thane’s hands clutch her tightly against him, lips moving desperately against hers, only pulling briefly away to push himself into a sitting position before kissing her again, “I have  _missed you_ , my Willow. Memories are not enough.”

“You look younger.” Willow manages between kisses, hands running eagerly over him - muscles firm beneath her touch, his chest rising and falling steadily with no sign of the rattle that had taken him - “Is this…?”

“The Shore, my love.  _Where the traveler never tires, the lover never leaves, the hungry never starve._ ” Thane moves, rising to his feet and pulling her along with him, arm tight around her hips to keep her close while the other hand caresses her face, brushing hair back from her eyes, “We are, both of us, as we are meant to be. Healthy.  _Together_.”

“It looks like paradise.” Willow breathes, kissing his fingertips when they brush across her lips, smiling widely at the growl that rumbles from his chest.

Thane only smiles and takes her hand. “Come, there are others who wish to see you.”

“Is it…?”

He nods, leading her forwards. “Mordin and Legion were already here, when I awoke. The doctor spends most of his time collecting seashells.”

“I’d like to see them.” Willow breaks into a jog - simply because she  _can_ , because she feels better then she has in years, and she can  _see_  Mordin now, a shape in the distance, bending down to collect another shell - laughing as Thane matches her easily, even outpacing her slightly.

“Visits first, and then afterwards…” Thane catches her just as they hit the sand, swinging her around by the waist, catching her mouth for another slow, sweet kiss, “...I intend to have you to myself for quite some time, my beautiful Siha.”

“Welcome home.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All the love to you guys again ♥ Kudos and comments make my day! ♥


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